Do you think it's okay to casually date two people at once to see which one you would prefer?

I am currently seeing a guy who is also seeing one other girl, because he is not sure which of us to choose... I really really like him but I also feel a bit weird about not being his exclusive choice. It's only been a few weeks since he started seeing me.

Just to be clear, he's not doing anything sexual either of us - just hanging out one-on-one, talking about a variety of topics (both deep and casual). He is not looking for hook-ups but a long-term relationship and he is trying to see which one of us he is more compatible with.

Do you guys think this is weird at all or is it okay? I feel a bit nervous about continuing to see him because I'm afraid of getting hurt but he is such a lovely guy in every other way.

  • It's fine; keep dating him
    45% (5)45% (9)45% (14)Vote
  • That's weird; drop him
    36% (4)10% (2)19% (6)Vote
  • Neutral on this issue
    9% (1)30% (6)23% (7)Vote
  • Other; please comment
    10% (1)15% (3)13% (4)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
The other girl has lost interest in him.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Only if I get to have a second choice too... I don't know if it's just me but I wouldn't like it if he was dating another girl while he was dating me. I wouldn't waste my time on someone who wasn't sure about me. I wouldn't want to risk getting hurt because you don't decide when and who you fall for.

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    • I don't want to feel hurt either; I already feel a bit hurt by it, to be honest. But I have liked him for so long and he's always so kind and helpful to everyone; he's just a really nice guy. I feel torn because I want this chance but I also don't want to be hurt further

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    • No problem I hope everything works out for you.

    • Thank you :)

What Guys Said 10

  • I have done this, as long as everyone knows what is going on and it's casual and nothing sexual its OK. Normally it does not go on for long and someone drops out.
    Just be honest with everyone and it should be fine. But it is OK for all in this arrangement to multi date until you have a preference.

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  • It depends on how quick he can make his mind up. I'd drop him if you continue dating him and he really can't chose. However, this is normal when you start dating and it's fine aslong as it's not something he have already been doing for a while with one of you.

    Give him some time, but not too much time. Also, I'd say this depends on how long he have dated the other girl.

    Did he already date her before he started dating you? If so, how long?

    Were he open about it? Did he just not mention it? Did he actively try to hide it?

    If he actively tried to hide it, I'd deffinetly call it a dealbreaker.

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    • He started seeing her 4 days before I started seeing him.

      He brought it up after I'd been seeing him for one week; the first time that we had some alone time without other people being close enough to overhear.

      How long should I allow? It's been 3 weeks at the moment.

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    • I still don't think you should give it too much time though because even though you feel like it's going very slowly (as you both want it) he should quickly get a feeling of who suits him better, if that makes sense.

      I mean if he can't figure out that soon, I'd be worried that he is the type of guy who can't make up his mind, and don't know what he wants.

      I still do believe you should give it some more time though.

    • Thank you :)

  • There is no objective right or wrong here. It's completely an opinion.

    I believe there is always sort of competition in a way. Just because you get committed doesn't mean he can't choose her. He's going to pick you if he wants to.

    I can see why you would feel uncomfortable or nervous though.

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  • Nothing wrong with it, as long as he isn't hiding it, and isn't doing anything sexual.

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    • Ok thanks :)
      Yeah, he's definitely being upfront and honest with me, which I truly appreciate.

    • Then that is all that matters. He is being honest
      HOWEVER *DISCLAIMER* NEVER FORCE HIM TO CHOSE OR GIVE HIM AN ULTIMATIUM... bc if he is on the fence, that will push his ass away from you quick fast and in a hurry.

      Having an issue with it and asking him to choose is one thing. But NEVER say "me or her, pick"

    • Thanks for the advice, I'll be careful not to do that :)

  • A bird in hand is worth two in the Bush !!!

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    • Haha ok, thanks.
      I agree!

  • don't get caught or someone's feelings are going to be devastated.

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    • Yeah... I'm trying to not become too attached...

  • sounds like a pretty smart guy to me... he's not sleeping with either of you which means he doesn't want to rush things.

    The question you need to ask yourself is, how long do I wait for him to make up his mind?

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    • Yeah...

      It's already been 3 weeks and I'm thinking of giving him another fortnight... Does that sound reasonable to you?

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    • Thank you :)

    • you're more than welcome :)

  • Heck ya. Its called multiple long term relationships, just be open about it (open, not boastful) and if they make a fuss then cut 'em loose. You don't need jealousy. Be aware that it works both ways. If it's not okay for them to date another person than it's probably not okay for you either.

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    • Ok thanks.
      I'm not actually dating 2 guys though; I'm seeing a guy who is dating myself and one other girl and I'm not sure how to feel about that, because he is the only guy who I'm interested in right now.

  • No if those guys are spending money dating you because eventually you will have to let one of them down and go with the other. If they aren't paying for the whole dates themselves or if you are both spending 50/50 on dates, then its cool

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    • No I'm not dating two guys; I'm dating one guy who is dating two girls.

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    • Why should he rush? He has it made and women make it so easy for him

    • So maybe there is something to the old idea of playing hard to get, yes?

  • "When you are young do as the Romans did"
    Chaka Kahn

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What Girls Said 5

  • As long as they know you're not exclusive there's no problem. That's what dating is. But don't let them think you only have eyes for them when you don't. That way they can decide if that is the kind of relationship they want to be in temporarily and they can keep their options open also.

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    • I just realized you were talking about someone else, not yourself. If it makes you unhappy, don't go along with it. Like I said above, all parties involved need to be okay with it.

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    • Good plan, just don't let yourself sit in turmoil for too long. It's not good for YOU and you might end up holding it against him.

    • Ok thanks

  • Serial dating is common. If you don't like it, then stop seeing him and just treat him as a friend instead.

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    • I've liked him for a year and tried to be just friends with him but I really want more than that.

      Ok thanks :)

    • Do u know that tv show big love?

    • No, there is no television where I live.

  • Well in my opinion that's how it should be. .
    You should date different people so you can find the one who's best for you..
    Don't be afraid to keep your options open as well

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  • As long as you make it known you're not exclusive, go for it.

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    • Ok, thanks.
      He is the one who is not dating exclusively and he told me so a couple weeks ago.

  • If you see two people at once you obviously don't have strong enough feelings for either one.

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    • Good point. Thank you.
      I am seriously reconsidering this whole thing.

    • Sure, sorry for being harsh that's just my opinion. Of course there are people who starts seeing someone and feels like maybe it isn't the right person so they start dating someone else too but I think that it shouldn't take several weeks to get it sorted out. I just think that if you are afraid of being hurt maybe this isn't the right guy for you to see. You could always tell him how you feel about him and about this situation if you haven't already and see how he responds. Best of luck to you! :)

    • Thank you :)
      I am planning on telling him how I feel about it and then... Yeah, if he can't decide, I'm just going to walk away because it's not worth it if he doesn't care as much about me as I care about him.

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