Thoughts on guys who don't pay on first dates?

So i've gone out with this guy twice and he has never paid once for me. I obviously don't expect him to pay for me everytime of course, but shouldn't he pay for the first time at least? They always say a guy should pay for the first date, especially if he was the one who asked the girl out. I decided to give him another chance after the first time (since he mentioned 'hang out' so it probably wasn't a date) but it's still like this the second time (when he did mentioned 'date'). We've never been to a restaurant for both, so the bill wasn't much either. I'm really not sure whether i should continue seeing him (besides he has been 5-10 mins late for both times) although i'm afraid i'm starting to have feelings for him. Or am i wrong for thinking this behavior as a bad sign?

Updates:
Thanks for all your opinions guys :-) I found out today that he isn't a relationship type of guy directly from him and that probably shows everything. I'm glad i found out now before i got led on and then get hurt in the end.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • As a general rule I think the asker should do the paying, and if he/she is flat broke then you should just do something that doesn't involve a lot of money (those are the best dates anyway!)

    Even on the first date I'll at least offer to split the bill; and on any dates after that I'll start insisting that we split it. If a guy were to ask me out and not even offer to pay I would take it as a sign that he's not really invested. Same goes for a girl who asks a guy out. "Hey, do you want to go out tomorrow night and pay for both of us? That'd be swell." No thanks.

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What Guys Said 12

  • www.quickmeme.com/.../...3f7435b6d232486718dab.jpg

    LOL...

    You need to TALK to him and see what he says.

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  • I'm seriously confused about some of the ridiculous double standards that some women have.

    Women want equality and the same respect level of respect that your average man would get. This is totally fair.

    But then they also want special, unequal treatment: they want the guy to pay for dinner, they want the guy to ask them out, they want the guy to be the one driving the conversation and direction of the relationship. And of course, this is also totally fair and legitimate, but they have complete control over sex.

    Having the guy pay for dinner, in my opinion, is a lot like prostitution. It's only purpose is to get you into bed faster, and women go along with it willy nilly, plus they also get a free dinner. Ironically enough, all this does is create more inequality between men and women.

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    • Not all women are feminists you know that right?

    • And hence I said: " some of the ridiculous double standards that some women have. "

  • I'd only call this a problem if he was making you pay for him and yourself and not saying anything about it. "going Dutch" is perfectly equal. You should keep in mind guys need to know you'll stay around before they pay your dates. Many guys have paid full blown dinners , etc and the girls would go on a date with them. After the date the guy never hears from the girl again.

    this kinds issue has happened over and over again so many guys want to protect themselves and make sure the woman likes him for him and not his wallet. Think about it. If s guy goes in 4 dates a month and let's say the bill was... 30 total each date. That's 120 bucks the guy threw away. Girls don't typically have a problem with it because they're on the receiving end of the treatment. So when a guy sees that the girl is considerate of the fact that he has bills and doesn't want to inconvenience him it is a turn on for the guy.

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    • I can understand this. But the thing is, we don't expect guys to pay for all the dates, its just that first date in which you asked the girl out. Going dutch thereafter wouldn't be a problem at all. It's a matter of first impressions and would make the girl wonder if the guy is even sincere about her (bcus it might seem like he is stingy and wouldn't be reliable in future if he couldn't even take care of this). So you think a guy has to 'test' the girl before he considers to pay for a date?

    • Kinda but I wouldn't be surprised if they were just lazy too. What I do to try to make it work both ways is buy them coffee. It is low cost and gives a chance to converse and if the girl just wants a free meal she won't be interested anyway and it'll be something I paid for. I have had cases where the girl didn't want me to pay for her coffee too.

  • I thought u girls wanted equality n all that shyt !

    I really hate to pay for girls i just met, especially when my financial situation is not that great yet. If i really like/love a girl then i would definitely pay for her for everything, BUT other than that i just feel really bad about it when i pay for a girl i just met.

    I'm not cheap or anything, actually one thing i know is that if i ever get married... i won't let my wife spend a dime on anything. I will be the one spending on her.

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    • Don't ask a girl on a first date if you don't want to pay for them? Lol its really not that hard. If they're not important enough to pay for then why hang out in the first place

    • u would laugh but i never had a date, never will... until i meet her

  • I feel us guys should always pay for the first date

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    • This. Gentle methods all the way.

    • Show All
    • @Ashari if you think the point of paying for dinner isn't to increase the odds of sex then you're deluded.

    • Well, there are many guys paying for the bill and genuinely didn't hope the girl having sex with him. For example like @Iron_Man. He is one of rare good men.

  • If you really like him you can't judge him just for being late or not paying. Maybe he's ''poor'' like most students.

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    • this right here. the economy is shit at the moment. what are we supposed to do go breaking bad and cook meth out in the boonies? all thats going to cause are a lot of exploded winnebagos and severe burns all so princess can have her forty dollar chicken that she only eats a third of

    • ahahaha exactly

  • It's OK paying for yourself if it's just friends, but more than that and you should have an agreement to 'go Dutch' pay 50:50.
    But to be honest it's normal that the man pays if it's a date.

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  • I always feel guys should pay for the first date. i mean i have no problem
    paying for the girl on dates.

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  • you should stop it with him. not because he doesn't pay, but because being late on a date is not good.

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  • I met a girl that would pay for both occasionally, sure she made more money [had a good education], so I married her..

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  • No stop. He is the one that pays. Not just the first time but continueously, that's what men do. It's a way of showing you that he can take care of you.

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  • the best date is when the girl cooks dinner because thats how it should be.

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What Girls Said 7

  • Not paying and being a little late is no big deal. If you can pay for yourself, then do it. Expecting the guy to pay is so ridiculously old-fashioned and stupid.

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  • I wouldn't throw a fit until I figured out that he was NEVER going to cover for the both of us, had that happen before. That only pissed me off because I regularly paid for his food too. That late thing though, I wouldn't tolerate that very well after a bit. I'd feel like I'm not worth it to him to show up a few minutes early.

    I don't fully expect any guy I date to pay for the first date, but I definitely hope for it and I'm mildly disappointed when it doesn't happen. I'm not a modern feminist with jacked up views and expectations, but I'm not a traditionalist either. I expect the same rights and equal amounts of special treatment going into the relationship from both ends. He pays for dates, I'll cook at home. He cleans after I cook, I'll give him a back massage. That kind of thing.

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    • Yes i'm now just left wondering if he will ever pay for both of us at all. Like what if we did become official and he's still like that? I did consider that he might just want to be sure of our relationship before he does that (since we've only known each other for around 6 weeks and gone out twice). But it somehow bugs me and also the fact that he didn't arrive on time makes me ponder if he's worth my time.

    • Well, that's only stuff you can figure out on your own with time. Good luck though!

    • I guess i can only let time tell then, thanks!

  • to be honest, if it is official first date i would want him to pay , i like to see his sincerity.

    subsequent dates then we can share the cost, i would be upfront about it too about my intention so that there won't be misunderstanding

    my advice is not to invest too much emotions since both of you are at raw stage, and someone being late for both appointments doesn't leave a good impression in me.

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  • Maybe pay for him. Then he can pay the next time and you guys can take turns.
    Men are not devices used for free stuff under the promise of potential sex.
    We are a society that tells men to treat us equally, it means always, not just when it doesn't benefit us.

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  • To be fair, the bill should be split in half. Then there will be no politics about it.

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  • I don't mind if the guy doesn't pay for the first date, but that's because I generally don't like people paying for me it just doesn't feel right to me.

    I also don't think being late by that much is that bad. But it's always nice if they let you know that they may be a little late.

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  • Yes I believe they should pay for the first date. I have had this happen to me and I'm still pissed about it. And all the feminists are going to say that this is what equal rights are for but that's a load of garbage and I still believe that it is a guys responsibility

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