I want to know how to stop being so bitter and angry and sad over my awful dating life. I'm posting this because right now I can't even sleep because of the grip my hatred and anger hold on me, it's keeping me up. Basically, all of my friends are dating and fucking each other, having a great time (I'm a senior in high school), while I'm just miserable, no matter how hard I try to hide it. Other people go out and party on Halloween, get drunk, have sex, and have a great time. I don't know why it upset me so much, but, learning that two friends I knew were dating sent dirty pictures to each other on Halloween (I very briefly liked the girl a long time ago) sent me way off the rails. See, what have they done to be happy and together and in love, and what have I done to be dealt other fucking misery, always helping other people with their shit yet being left alone myself? See, every fucking girl rejects me, every fucking girl, and most have treated me like crap (though I have some female friends, they'd rather fucking die awfully than date me). I broke when the only genuinely kind and caring girl (or even person) I know flat out rejected me just like everyone else. It even marked the moment I started cutting again, because I had to accept I was so disgusting and unlivable in the minds of women. So, I want to know, how do I know let this hatred completely take over my mind? I've actually given up on being loved and having sex like everyone else, I've given up on even feeling love. I plan on getting my memories erased, but the research in that field is about a year behind, and I don't have that time (though once the opportunity arises, I fully plan to wash away my memories along with my sorrows and pain). Like I said, I've always been rejected, even the girls that didn't treat me like a joke rejected me. I don't believe in love, and fully believe I'll die alone, so don't bother saying my life will get better, it won't. I want to know how and why I should lose my hate.
Most Helpful Girl
I'm sorry you feel that way. Do you have any level-headed friends you can talk to about this? Someone who can maybe even give you advice on dating and attracting girls? I don't know you, what you usually do, or the girls you go for, so it's harder to say where things are going wrong. I feel like you just need some positive experiences with women, and you won't have a reason to feel bad and build that resentment towards them. Girls aren't everything, but I get that not having success with the opposite sex can really make a person feel like shit, and that leads to anger, and hate.
For now, it might help to block out dating and women, and find something in your life that takes up your time and concentration, and makes you happy. Something you enjoy and feel good about. So you can clear your head, and not be stuck with negative emotions. You're in vicious cycle at the moment, of not having luck, feeling awful, trying again, nothing, feeling more awful, etc. and it has to break. Also, you say you don't feel loved; consider other relationships apart from just the romantic ones, that may help in filling that void. Friendship, family, etc.
It may even improve your chances once you're in a better place emotionally, because people can sense that anger and hate, and that doesn't help you in building rapport and good relationships with them. I really hope things get better and you can start living the life you want to have.1