Why don't I get any women? What do I need to fix?

I'll tell you a bit about me. Sorry if it's long (lol).

I'm 16. I'm about 6'2, 140lbs, half White, half Mexican, I'm confident about pretty much everything except my ability with girls, I've never had a girlfriend, I've never kissed/been kissed, I'm an honors student, I'm smart, I'm not in any clubs or sports, I play piano and guitar, I play video games, I'm can be an extreme jerk, but only to stupid people, I'm an agnostic/deist, I'm a realist, I'm a pessimist, I like learning about music, history, and science.I get compliments on my appearance from my mom's friends (sad, I know), and chick friends, but I don't believe them. I think I look average, not hideous, but by no means great. What I'm looking for in a girl is anyone who I can spend the rest of my life with. I want someone to share all of life's amazing experiences with me. I'll probably be a fire fighter. I want 1 or 2 kids.

Now my question is not "Am I date-able?", because I figure I am.

My question is: Why don't I have a girlfriend yet? Why don't women approach me? What is so bad about me?

Please don't say "You're only 16, you've got time." because the fact is, I don't know how much time I have. I could be hit by a bus, or struck by lightning tomorrow. That stuff probably won't happen, but every second is valuable to me, and virtually every second without a significant other is like a waste of time.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Here's the deal bud,

    You're 16, and all that stuff you say about yourself, you wear on your sleeve. Actually, with as much stuff as you have written, you're wearing it on you chest, back and face. And part way down your legs.

    It's extremely intimidating for ANY girl your age to run into a 16 year old boy, and yes you're a boy, who has that many concrete opinions on that many issues.

    It doesn't feel natural to them, and therefore they tend to see it as you playing a game.

    Now, I'm not saying stop being you. You have to be who you are, and believe what you believe. When I was your age, I had that many opinions on issues too. And I had the same affect on girls my age. They couldn't understand it.

    One girl my age that did take a particular interest in me, lost it all together when she found me in the library reading "Dante's Inferno." That's just how it goes at that age.

    Even though teens see themselves as budding adults, and should be taken deftly serious, the fact remains that many teens are still trying to hold onto their identities as children.

    It doesn't apply to all, but it does apply to most. And there are even more teens who are seeking out a balance between the child and adult. And it doesn't exist, but they find out in there own time.

    So with that in mind, consider that a girl your age see's you, with all these thoughts and seriousness, and guess what? It scares her. It scares her to think she has to be at your level someday. It scares her that your mindset is what she has to look forward to. It's overwhelming and because they don't want to accept it in mean time, they are going to steer clear of you.

    So, don't take offense, don't overthink yourself, and be who you are. In fact, be proud of who you are.

    On a separate subject, you do have plenty of time.

    You may not want to hear it, but at your age you should definitely not be looking for a life partner, which is what you’re suggesting in your post.

    The truth is, even with your advanced thoughts, you’re definitely not ready for that kind of relationship. There is a lot of life experience that you need to go through before that relationship can be attained. You may see people out of high school getting married right away, but many of those relationships are going to be very unsuccessful.

    So buckle up, and get ready to enjoy life sans a girl for the time being. And besides, the less you think about it, the more girls will take an interest. Aside from the fact that girls can see all the writing on your face about life, they also can sense your strong desire for a relationship, and that’s just as much, if not more of a turn off than the former.

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    • Thanks for your answer.

      How can chicks detect these kinds of things? Because I don't wear all of my thoughts on my sleeve. I'm actually pretty reserved about those kinds of things. I guess there's a detail about me I left out. Implying I'm unaware that I'm still just a boy, very funny.

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    • Sorry, I wanted to add this in earlier but it slipped my mind. What if I need experience because I don't want to be totally clueless if/when I get a woman who would love me.

    • As far as a relationship where love is present, that is something you will experience in due time, and there is no way to prepare for that through casual relationships. You might learn how to court a girl better, but other than that, you'll learn nothing useful in dating that can be used in a committed, loving relationship.

      I think what you're getting at is sex, in which case you're just as much a male teen as your peers, and that might make your situation worse. Look at what Thinker wrote.

What Girls Said 2

  • You are either being very self conscious or somewhat egotistical. The question shouldn't be "Are you datable" or "Why won't girls approach you". There are a lot of factors that could tie into that. You should be asking if you are really trying. Not everyone is lucky enough that they can sit back and wait for others to approach them. How about doing the approaching? And you're already looking for "The One I can spend my life with?" Maybe another problem is that you're being too serious too early. I recommend getting a self empowerment book (haha, kidding), 'cause if every second without a significant other is like a waste or time, or if that's the only thing that can make you feel complete, then you're in for a wild ride. And not the fun kind, either.



    Nothing seems bad about you; you seem pretty ok from what I've read. But confidence is key, always.(At least, it's worked for me) It might just be the only one stopping you from what you want is yourself. I hope things work out and you find happiness. It's not gonna happen without some effort, though. Good Luck! ;)

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    • I am really trying, and I can't help it if I want a serious relationship. It feels like a waste of time because I'm a human. A human's goal in life is to pass on his/her genes, and if I can't do that, then what's the point of being alive?

  • Your personality!

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What Guys Said 1

  • The previous guy gave good advice. I'd also say that most women won't approach you, women think that makes them look desperate. You have to approach them. And your focus should NOT be to "get them", girls see that from a mile away and it scares the crap out of them. Just be yourself, be friendly, flirty, etc. Practice being around women and having more female friends, and you'll be dating in no time. Try to tell yourself it's not a big deal, that you don't need women and things will happen more naturally.

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    • Thanks for the answer.

      So they can tell when I want to get with them but they can't tell when I'm using reverse psychology? That's weird; I wonder how that works.

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