Have any of you guys been friendzoned by a girl and actually became very close friends with her for years after? Come on in. I'm curious?

I hate when women say this, but here goes: I get along very well with guys, more than I do women. There. Having said that, I have a few guys in my life who I've friendzoned longgggg ago. We've actually end up really close and can talk/text for hours about complete bullshit. I've never been intimate with any of them even though I've breifly thought about it here and there but quickly snapped out of it. I've even gotten a couple boyfriends over the years and they've hung around acting like they're not attracted to me like that anymore, but still flirt with me occasionally. I always tell them to shut up and brush it off.

One friend has been around for 5 years... One 10 years.. Another 4, and so on... And I truly believe they will ALWAYS be in the picture as long as I'll allow them. They're almost like an extended family and I truly adore my friends.

My question is, does any guy have a girl that they've befriended after a "failed connection" on her part? Do you ever think about her in that romantic way, even after all these years? If so, would you consider dating her if she suddenly became interested? Be completely honest.. this is a judgement free zone.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • No, I don't stick around. I have self-respect (those men still want to be with you, get a clue). If I'm looking for romance, I'm not going to spend a bunch of time on a girl that I'll never be with (let's be honest--it's extremely rare for a girl to change her mind. As long as I stick around, I fuck up my chances with women who will actually want to be with me--I'd always have that piece of me holding back for the girl who I'm "friends" with.

    And you know what? That woman isn't my friend--she damn well knows, deep down, that I'd be unable to really move on. She selfishly would keep me around for the attention--nothing more ego-boosting than surrounding yourself with guys who like you, no?

    Since I have self-respect I won't allow myself to be used in that way, I'd leave.

    If she was suddenly interested? Bull-fucking-shit! I've seen that before--she isn't interested! She just wants to keep me around as an ego booster! Dangle enough of a carrot to keep a guy around, but never let him have it. Not claiming she's doing it intentionally--I'll give her the benefit of the doubt that it's subconscious, just some survival mechanism or something. But I won't fall prey to it.

    And even if I could fully invest in another woman, the more time I spend with a friend, the less time I'm spending on meeting a woman who wants to be with me.

    It's a waste of time, a waste of emotional energy, and possibly an abusive situation with me as the victim. No thanks.

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    • I see what your saying, but just out of curiosity I wanna hear your thoughts on this, since you say she's selfish for having these male friends who like her... suppose a woman, (not me), was extremely beautiful. And on top of that, she had an awesome personality. Suppose no matter what she did, guys initially or eventually fell for her... is that her being selfish? Should she have NO guy friends at all? Ever?
      But back to my situation. These guys who have at one point expressed their interest in me, are just friends in my eyes and I make it clear. They tell me about their girlfriends/chicks they're banging and vis versa. You don't believe that after 10 years a guy can't get over a girl he was attracted to AT ONE POINT in life? I find it hard to believe that this is selfish on my part. They have control over the choices they make in life and I haven't forced them to stay in mine. That's for sure

What Guys Said 10

  • I have not, but yes those guys will always consider it until they find someone else. And the moment she's with someone she could potentially marry those guys will start to disappear. Unless the guy gave up and let go of the idea of being with the girl and stayed her friend for at least 7+ years. So the friend that's been around 10 years. He might be a friend for life.. the others. I doubt it.

    If you're a girl all the guys want, then even longtime friends will reconsider the moment she's available. In my experience, the only true platonic friendships are the ones where neither party is attracted to the other. Because any other situation, at least one person wants more. And that's not a friendship. It's one person pining for another, with no chance

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  • I don't know, I don't actually remember being friendzoned, I mean, every girl I've ever liked I ended up in a relationship with them (well, except for one, but not because we didn't like each other, but because of my stupidity).
    So my answer to this question will be no.

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    • I have a hard time believing that NONE of you guys have been friendzoned. Especially because I see the complete opposite in real life lol... someone isn't fessing up

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    • I'm not saying you're lying but out of curiosity, how do you get friendzoned by a girl who you didn't like in the first place? Doesn't the term "friendzone" only apply if you were into a girl and she put you in the same category as the rest of her friends? I'm confused.. So basically if you have ANY platonic friends who happen to be girls, you say they friendzoned you?

    • That's what I thought, but it can maybe be like the girl thinks "Oh, this guy is a great friend, I will never get in love with him." She puts me in the friendzone even if I don't like her. You understand what I'm saying?
      In my opinion, every friend is in the friendzone, that's why it's called FRIENDzone. I don't know, that's how I see it, but maybe others see it different.

  • Yes, there is one women I've known for many years that we can talk about anything. As a matter of fact, a close mentor told me she's testing me to see if I am for real and won't walk out just like everyone else has. I can't get her out of my mind. We'll see what happens next.

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    • Ah I see. That's interesting what your mentor said, Do you mind if I ask how long you've known her? And say your mentor is right, how long would you be willing to give her until she realizes she loves you? (if she does, of course lol)

    • I have known her through out high school and into college so about eight years. If I need to wait another five years so be it. I can't see myself marrying any other women.

  • I think as a universal statement, once one party wants more from a relationship, then the relationship is ruined if the feeling is not mutual.

    That's not to say there aren't any exceptions to this, of course.

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    • So you've never approached a girl with romantic interest, but remained her friend if the feeling wasn't mutual-but you guys got along great? How can this be a universal statement? Like I said in my post, I have lots of guy friends who may have flirted with me years ago but nothing came from it. Our relationships consist of hanging out occasionally and talking shit to each other.. Or talking about funny stuff that happened that day, ect. The same way you'd talk to a friend. Never?

    • Well I say as a universal statement as the chances do not favour your outcome, however, I did say that there are exceptions to that, which is why your guy friends are still with you, and will probably stay with you.

      Personally, a lot of that would come down to the personality of the girl, and the basis of rejection.

  • never ever. girls who I pursue and then get shot down by become acquaintances. After that I will only hang out with her if it is in a group setting where I am not necessarily forced to talk to her. Its not out of anger is just that I usually don't have anything else to say to them after that.

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    • So how would you explain guys who do it? I know a lot of women, and I know men who have liked them/tried to have sex with them at one point, and 5 years later, bam they're still "just friends" and they date other people. Whats this about?

    • I couldn't possibly explain that. Weirdos! lol jk. I just dont get it.

  • Once I've been friend zoned by a girl I cut her off.

    Bob Paisley once said that "if you're first, you're first, if you are second then you're nothing".

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  • Well yes and no, if I can use her to get to her circle of friends as easy way to get more girls. If their hot then yes. Otherwise no as I have way to much pride for that bullshit

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    • Gotcha.. could be I suppose

  • They want to fuck you, you're leading them on its basically a fake friendship

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    • well bravo for them. 10 years is a long time to wait for a girl they just want to have sex with

    • Well fine maybe they love you. The way you're describing it, they obviously like you and you push them away. Which is the friendzone bullshit everyone is always talking about. Either you read them wrong and they never liked you or they are extremely devoted. Dont get smart with me mofo

  • I've been friendzoned multiple times but I always go no contact after.

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  • You know when a girl says she just wants to be friends and I really liked her, I mean REALLY liked her, I feel used and don't want to be her friend.
    It hurts like hell and I just don't want to see her after I have settled down. But it takes about 2 weeks to settle down. Then I just think, no thanks.

    How on earth would she suddenly become interested after she has effectively kicked you into the long grass?

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    • People grow and evolve, along with their likes/dislikes. It hasn't happened to me yet. Just curious to know if a guys attraction for a woman can really last THAT long. Even my mom has male friends she's known for 10+ years whom at one point were attracted to her. Look I realize this is a weird question, but my curiosity for how men think kinda took over today lol... If you say most men cannot do this, then I have to believe you guys and look at my situation as this odd exception

    • Well I still have 'friends' that I really liked almost 40 years ago and we are still friends. So yes it is possible. Life can be a bumpy road. :)

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