Why do women have to "settle"?

Why are women told to lower their standards and date or marry a guy they are not attracted to. Yet dudes like Hugh Heffner are marrying gorgeous women they are obviously attracted to. Why the double standard?

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Women are also told the cannot have it all (career, family, happiness). But men are told to conquer the world. What say you?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Women aren't expected to settle, but what it is that I've noticed is they end up settling. Most women have to come to a fork in the road where they have to choose to keep going from one attractive guy to the next, or stay with a man who isn't but is responsible and committed man.

    There are men out there who are attractive or the least bit easy on the eyes (not the hottest guys but everything is in the right place), and responsible. There are plenty actually in my opinion anyway. It all depends where you look.

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    • Not saying GQ looks but dang I had friends tell me I need to make it work with a dude I dont even want to have sex with. I want to have passion for my dude. Not just be with him because he is "nice"

What Guys Said 21

  • this question is some bullshit lol it should be the other way around women can say "i dont like his hair" and every is aokay right but if we do the same thing we're called shallow or homo

    a guy isn't allowed to have a standard in the girls he dates on the other hand
    if and when a girl approaches him , he is automatically supposed to accept her no matter if she fits his standards or not

    this is in my experience at least... but me personally i dont settle for less "handsome girls should get cute girls imho most of the time" unless the not so attractive one is cool as hell that is

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    • Y'all? Do not lump me into the pile. I have "settled" and dated guys I did not even want to kiss or spend time with. Not cause they had bad shoes but because they had no conversation skills or were not physically attractive to me. You still sound angry by the way ehich would be a turn off for an emotionally mature woman.

    • lmao whateva floats your boat who cares now... youve chosen the best answer lol

  • "Yet dudes like Hugh Heffner are marrying gorgeous women they are obviously attracted to."

    And random dudes everywhere are dating their hands, lol. Cherrypicking isn't a substitute for evidence.

    The nature of gender means that men will have a high variability in sexual success (extreme winners and losers) and women will have low variance (most don't "win" or "lose", but have mediocre success). Lots of traits show this dichotomous variance in the genders.

    The most sons ever recorded to be born to a man is 860. The most for a woman is 69.

    You were born into the "safe" gender, so you'll never attain the sexual success of people like Hugh Hefner. On the other hand, you'll also never attain the despair and defeat of any of the homeless men on the streets of New York.

    The hallmark of a good person is that he/she counts their blessings.

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    • Dumbed down version. LOL. Still makes no sense dude. It did not answer my question. Which was less about statistics and more about the male dominated society we live in.

    • Your question was "why do women have to settle"?

      The answer is because women innately have higher standards than men, and polygamy is not socially accepted.

      A few men are attractive to all women. There aren't enough men to go around for 1-1 pairings, so a lot of women are forced to "settle" and marry a guy who is lesser in status than the guys they're capable of sleeping with.

  • I thought it was the opposite? Where a girl is supposed to find a guy who treats her right, looks amazing, is well off, is a great father, can cook, et cetera, et cetera, but a man is supposed to fall in love with a girl and accept her for who she is and not be shallow about her looks or abilities.

    At least that's the environment I've been raised around.

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  • He's rich and connected. There are plenty of women out their that will marry a dude for his money and power. Where as men don't necessarily care about hoe much his girl makes or if she is some powerful CEO or something.

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    • Correction, how much his girl makes

    • Listen i will further elaborate my words.
      When many women look for a partner what are many of the things that they want. Attractive, Tall, financially secure, a good personality. Where as men want attractive and a good personality. We don't have the standards that women have, we already have less. But if you don't have both of these, then you most likely won't have all of yours.

  • I think settling is dumb. For everyone. But some people get lonely/desperate.

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  • Society has many double standards. Best not to pay attention and live your own life before you're 6 feet under.

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  • Hef is stupendously rich and charming. Terrible example.

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  • Dudes like Hugh Heffner are rich as fuck, and I'd appreciate you did not judge all of the male gender based on him. That would be like me saying all women are just like Paris Hilton. The reason he gets so much poon is because he's rich, because you know, money is one of those expectations women have of us men.

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  • In my experience women don't settle. I think women only date guys they are attracted to which is the way it should be. But let's be real some women have unrealistic standards.

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  • I would say screw them. The reason for settling for women is to do their womanhood duty. Get married and provide kids. It's a horrible out dated concept. I would say find who you want. Just remember sometimes what you think you want is not necessarily true.

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  • He has status and wealth and they're gold-diggers. Bad example.

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  • Hugh is an exception, not the rule. But if you want a 500,000 dollar home and can only afford a 100,000 home. What do you do? No one has to settle, but if you aim for the stars you may be asking for to much.

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  • I'm actually heard the opposite of this. Where the guy is supposed to just settle, but woman are encourage to seek perfect men.

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  • Not a good idea. I won't settle.

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  • Its a patriarchal society. But you can't leave out some of the Madonna's and Kardashian's out !!

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  • Because

    Small boobs. Why you mad doe

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    • I am not mad cause I plan to wait for a man I am attracted to (your back is nice). Just wondering why women and men are given different advice.

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    • Men and women are given different advice because they live different realities in the dating market, especially when it comes to the different age groups.

    • What do you mean by different realities. Why should women be told different?

  • Women were born to make man whole as a partner. There are many guys but few men. God has always rewared men with many women under conditions and contracts. This option was never offered to women and the purpose of woman has been set.

    You have the choice to find the hottest guy but more than likely he is not a real man, he is every girls boy. Once you have done all your playing, you will be scraping the bottom of the can looking for whatever is out there. Women have a shelf life, there is nothing most women can do about it.

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  • LOL you can't be serious? I see more ugly women with good looking men then the other way around.

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    • Where do you live? In LA I see a lot of it

    • MA. I usually see ugly overweight women with attractive guys, but never see overweight men with attractive women.

  • Wait, did you just compare average women to dudes like Hugh Heffner? LMAO!

    You're silly if you think women "settle" any more than men do. There is no double standard here, only your inability to see anything but your biased female perspective.

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    • I read articles in it all the time. It isn't MYbiased perspective. I am asking WHY this is happening. Not that I agree with it. Silly.

    • Uh huh.

  • Well Hugh Heffner has money and status. Not a great example.

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  • I think everyone is told to lower their standard if they can't get into a relationship with people

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What Girls Said 5

  • This is the problem with people and relationships. Everything rests solely
    on being attracted to the person or not. And, that's probably why most relationships
    fail, because everybody focuses on finding someone who has an attractive face,
    hot body and that they can bang every morning, noon and night. But, no one
    wants to focus on the parts of relationships that matter far more then looks.
    To answer your question though, no one should ever settle. The word "settling"
    shouldn't even be uttered in terms of relationships. And, anybody who does "settle"
    clearly doesn't grasp the true meaning of love and is being totally unfair to the person
    they "settled" for. No ones wants to know "I'm only with you, because the hot guy I wanted
    didn't want me, so settled for you instead" There's a really confidence booster.

    For me personally. I've been bullied and treated poorly by people, a good portion
    of my life. I'm shy, quiet and kinda am a loner and I don't connect to people easily.
    So, the man I end up with. Better have a hell of a lot more going for him then, a pretty
    face, a good workout ethic and superb sex skills. I will not settle, at all. But, also I
    don't have requirments. I want a guy who will treat me right, accept me as is, respect
    me, care about me, love me and stand by my side no matter what. I will do the same
    for him. So, I will never settle or feel like I am. As long as we're good for each other
    and to each other, that's matters. Not the looks. Besides, I see a lot of attractive guys.
    But, I'm not attracted to them. The one's I'm attracted to are the ones who's vibes
    I'm digging or who I've gotten to know after a certain period of time and knowing
    who they are and how they are with me, is what makes me attracted to someone.
    So, to sum it up. No one should ever settle, because there's far more important things
    in relationships, then looks. Just my opinion.

    By the way, interesting profile picture lol.

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  • personally, i will take an unattractive but responsible and respectful partner over an attractive but completely irresponsible and rude partner. any day. while i do want to be physically attracted to my partner, i think in the long run, you need someone you can actually respect and care for. lots of times, physical attraction can develop- it doesn't have to be instantaneous... alas, most people these days refuse to accept this and are after the hottest person they can get and then just "hope" that everything else falls into place. people are just way too superficial these days.

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    • BUT many people are attractive and kind respectful etc. But women are told that it doesn't exist. Why should we not be attracted to the guys we date.

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    • @harakiri You're a very wise girl (or woman, depending on age). I don't
      see many answers on here to questions such as this, like yours. I truly
      believe not many people comprehend the TRUE reason for people entering
      into a relationship together. But, I think you actually get it. That makes me
      happy to know that not all people are focus on looks and other people see
      how superficial the world has become. It's nice not being alone in that belief : )

    • @lifeisbeautiful thank you! :) my mom has been saying things like this from day one, so i grew up knowing what one should prioritize when looking for a partner for a stable relationship. part of the reason why so many people are after the hottest they can get is because ultimately, they are -not- interested in a long-term relationship... there are so many sex-based arrangements these days, like FWBs, NSAs... which are supported by the media and which give people the impression that this is the way to live life. but there are still a lot of people out there who value sex as something belonging within the confines of a real relationship, so all hope is not lost. you definitely aren't alone! :)

  • Because Guys will never be able to meet the average females stadards in some way or anoter

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  • That's a bad example. Also no one has to "settle"

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  • The girls might want the money, and status otherwise I doubt anyone would settle for someone they are not attracted to.

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