How to play hard to get the proper way?

I know that it annoys guys if a girl deliberately responds late to their texts, cancels dates, is generally unavailable, etc. just for the sake of playing hard to get.

But does it benefit a girl to not initiate things too much, but rather wait for the guy to initiate and then respond with interest?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Too much of anything can hurt indeed. Keep it to a normal level, 1 or maybe 2 calls a day, if you're refused do not insist much, and dont act too emotional. Keep it cool and use common sense.

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What Guys Said 10

  • Most people will assume you're just not interested. There is no scheme in fail proof dating. People are different and one strategy doesn't fit all. In this world of social media, people have too many distractions these days. So it's best to just be honest to yourself and others. More girls need to take the initiative. Just because u do DOESN'T make u a whore ladies! If you're trying to be exclusive with one guy, please don't be afraid to call or text first and ask him out. So what if u hate rejection? U think guys are immune to it lol? Just be yourself. Sorry if that was a little ranty lol.

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    • I totally agree with what you're saying.

      Well I've been texting him first every time (maybe 20 times - almost every day for the last 3 weeks) except once when he texted first, and asking him to hang out 5 times and he only asked me to hang out once. So I'm just wondering if I should tone it down a bit.

  • I have no idea. I hate all these little games people play and would just rather be honest all the time. It doesn't win me many dates or girlfriends, but when it does... FIREWORKS!

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    • I've tried being completely honest and it's got me nowhere. Besides, I'm not planning to start lying.

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    • Hmmmm... well, like I said I'm not good at these things. Bert seems to have you covered, he's a good dude who gives solid advice. Listen to him!

    • Haha ok, I'll listen to BertMacklin :)

  • yeah that works both ways. but sometimes the other person is just fucking cray man! :P hahaa :D

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    • Ok thanks :)
      I think I might have been initiating too much with the guy I'm seeing - I was the one who originally asked him out, who messages him first, who initiates hanging out most of the time... And I'm starting to think maybe he is losing interest because I'm too available.

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    • You can write an article, but not at the moment because they're not receiving new article submissions right now.

    • oh yeah that's what I meant. hahaa. im probably not gonna write one lol

  • honest opinion here, just meet up. texting is pretty lame and you can't convey any type of emotions. playing hard to get is also pretty stupid because for guys like me who has so much other stuff going it would be a sign of disinterest. I'd just move on;-) of course, some dudes likes these kind of games keep it casual but don't disappear on the poor dude for too long.

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    • When we met up, I could tell he only likes me as a friend.

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    • you ain't silly. that is simply the fact of life. sometimes you win sometimes to lose. i am sure you find a much better guy very soon ;-)

    • Thank you

  • Why would you act hard to get? You either want to be with him or not. One of the sexiest things possible is for a woman to be the one initiating things. I personally hate mind games and would probably try once or twice and if you keep canceling I'll just stop wasting my time.

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    • Ok well, I've been initiating pretty much everything so far, so maybe he will just never be interested in me.

  • Depends on who it is you meet. I for example may initiate but then if the back and forth stops I guess it was as far as it went. It's the kind of game to play with people that bet everything on one horse.

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    • Can you please explain what you mean a bit better?

    • In economics there's a term called escalation of commitment or sunk cost fallacy, which is essentially how playing hard to get works out for the other party. Their rational decision should be to drop any investments that have no foreseeable future or even worse, are running at a loss and they will take their money elsewhere. It's generally wise to have a little invested in different sorts of stock for exactly that reason.
      Should I translate that into dating or can you see the economy of it?

    • I get it. I can see that's what he is doing, actually. Thank you

  • Here's the right way to play hard. Establish some boundaries, (no sexual advances if you aren't ready for them, respecting your privacy and your values and schedule) and be very firm about not letting him cross them. Anything else that I can think of falls under the category of games and guys hate that. You WILL lose him if you play games.

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    • Thank you :) We have already established boundaries

  • To be honest if you do that your being an little immature shit who needs to grow up :)

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    • Haha thanks, I appreciate the honesty :(

    • I meant :)

    • PS it's "you're"

  • Doing that gives you an 80% chance of losing a guy. We that hate trust me be honest with him

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  • If you cancel on me i'll try again if you cancel again that;s it over i won't waste my time anymore

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What Girls Said 2

  • ok, well this is basically what i do.
    before u think of what to do with this guy, think of if ur being yourself... it is SO important that you dont ditch who u r to just act hard to get. only children play games.
    if ur the kinda girl who responds straight away, do it. and yes, i believe a woman who doesn't initiate much has a lot of self respect.

    ill give u one scenario where i show I'm hard to get. i might meet a guy's eye contact and just give him some hints, but if he comes up to me asking for my number ill say no. then with time i would end up giving it to him IF i felt he was worth it.

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  • In a healthy relationship, neither should play hard to get. Everyone needs space sometimes. At such times, the other partner should understand. Its always a give and take.

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