Long Distance Relationship: Am I being crazy or right?

In a LDR (please no comments about how they never work, etc). He lives very far away and is coming home in a month. He's really sweet and always reassures me he would never cheat on me, do anything, I'm the only girl he wants, he wants to be together for years. We talk almost every day steadily and call each other really often, but every once and a while it's like this swicth will flip, he'll sound angry on the phone and not want to even talk, and he won't talk to me at all that day or the day after that which really upsets me. It leads to insecurity, me thinking he is having second thoughts, because he goes from prioritizing me to not really talking to me at all or seeming distant.

Is it normal for me to feel this way? I don't want to bring anything bad up or seem crazy for bringing anything up so should I talk to him or let it go? It happens pretty frequently too.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well consider this: "in person" relationships (at least the most healthy ones) aren't actually a 24/7 ordeal where the couple spends every waking moment together or talking with each other. So in a LDR, the idea is to keep in contact as much as possible since you can't see each other like an "in person" couple does. The issue is that people need some space to themselves, and a relationship shouldn't force a person to surrender their own personal space or time alone.

    When you're wanting to fill as much free time with talking to him, it can wear on a person a little bit. Not to mention, perhaps he had an exhausting day and just wants to chill out. I doubt he's mad or annoyed with you in particular, he's just wanting some alone time every so often. I had a LDR once where we would call or chat on Skype most every day. It was nice but every once in a while, I just didn't want to talk and instead wanted to do other things for a day. I wasn't mad at her or anything, just wanted some time for myself.

    I suppose it's normal for you to feel this way, but not exactly healthy. The reason I say that is because when something is unknown or foggy, some people have the tendency to run all the possibilities (realistic or not) through their head anxiously. That sounds like what you're doing. So yes, I'd say it's somewhat expected but obviously it's something you will want to address and get over so you don't drive yourself nuts with it.

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What Guys Said 5

  • I've actually had this experience in every LDR I've been in so far... At first I thought they were just bipolar but over time I noticed a pattern, hard to say. Unfortunately in a LDR It's hard to tell what people are actually feeling because you can only get so much information about how someone is feeling over the internet.

    My suggestion to you is to confront these issues head on. Regardless if this fix's or worsens your problems it will steer you towards a conclusion and when it comes to LDR's it's best to see where things are going as quickly as possible. It really sucks to wait a long time for someone just to find out they were with someone else... Trust me.

    And if you find you can actually help resolve this problem, then great it will help you know that he is the one for you. If you look at people who have been together for a very long it's important to note that they aren't still together because they don't fight, there are still together because they deal with their problems, compromise and get over them together.

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  • Hopefully it's just because he's really busy out there and it's making him nervous... but what I'd certainly do is memorize the topics you were discussing before the atmosphere deterionated and speak to him again about it later. Later is... when you meet in person again.
    And it's really important to ask him (not "confront", you can ask him while hugging) why the atmosphere will sometimes change and he becomes silent.
    There may be a simple reason. Knowing it will make you feel more comfortable :-)

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  • Dont worry I dont mind long distance relationships, I dont find them much different than regular relationships. I had one as well actually.

    Anyways maybe he is having problems wherever he is? I think its best to maybe ask why he's angry sometimes when he is in a good mood. Just be open with him. If you keep being insecure about it the relationship may not be that healthy and it could lead to something worse so try not to be so paranoid. he's human so he pfcourse will ahve problems some days.

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  • This is normal. It happens in a long distance relationship cause there is no meeting up and seeing in person. So i think it can get really frustrating sometimes.

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  • why dont you ask him why he is like that?
    it can prove he is important to you:)

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