Dating a guy who won't make a move? I'm getting discouraged?

My question is, I've never dated a guy like this... I can't tell if he's friend-zoning me and I'm oblivious to it, or if he's just realllllllly shy and used to the girl initiating everything? First of all, this guy is mr perfect in my eyes. He's so sexy, awesome body, successful workaholic, VERY sweet and a gentlemen. He's been "courting" me for almost 3 years.

He's made 1 attempt to kiss me, but it was awks and threw me off guard... He hasn't tried again, but he's really affectionate/huggy (nervously) when we hang out. I'm very shy, so I haven't tried to kiss him either. I figure when the time is right, it'll happen.. He told me on multiple occasions that he wants me to meet his parents (who are filthy rich and intimidating) because he thinks they'd like me a lot.

Updates:
PS - I don't feel comfortable flat out asking him how he feels about me... I feel like it's not the right time for that because we're still in a weird spot where I don't feel comfortable enough to start being all emo with him

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm going to say this. I'm a guy who's so shy, talking to a girl whom I grown to like even though I had no problems talking to her because I wasn't really into her at first scares me more than death (literally).

    It is hard to tell if he's on the shyer end or not because of what you written. He's more than likely likes you a lot that he doesn't want to lose you even as a friend. He attempted to kiss you once but you pushed him away. To him he saw it as you don't want to be in a relationship with him but you'll be good with bring just friends to a intimate level. He's probably afraid that if he tried that again that you'll not want to see him again because you shown to rejected him once even though that was not your intention but that's how he saw it.

    You might be shy but you already given the signal that you didn't want him in the first place to the relationship level. If he is a respectable man to care enough about you, he will not do it again.

    It's going to have to come down to you. You created the situation (being that you shown sign of rejection of a kiss), you must now fix it. He's offering you to meet his parents. What's stopping you from doing that? It's way better than you making the move to kiss him or whatever. Unless you prefer to do that over meeting his parents.

    If you do take the meet the parents approach and if they ask you if both of you are going out or if you guys are in a relationship, DO NOT say "no" because that will make him feel like you don't see him that way but you don't have to say "yes" either because that'll just be a lie. You can either be silent going "umm" in such a way where you are not sure to say yes or no because you like him or just be silent all embarrassed with your head looking down and tucked in between your shoulders. They should get the idea.

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    • you're absolutely right.. there's really no other way at this point. I HAVE to make the move... yikes this is gonna be a great stride for me lol. Anyway yeah I'm totally up for meeting his parents... preferably before sex, but after kissing. Gonna have to wing it though and see what happens. Thank you

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    • Will do :) I get back into town on thursday. And that's when the fun starts >:)

    • Updates?

What Guys Said 6

  • If you want to him to make a move on you, try and give him CLEAR signals that this is what you want. This may mean that you'll have to temporarily step outside your comfort zone so that he'll step outside his comfort zone. This could mean getting close to him when you two are alone, gently touching his body, etc. There's a mutual effort here.

    After you have made it clear that you want him to kiss you, touch you, or even make love to you if you're already at that point, he will make the move. His efforts will reciprocate for all you've done to make it clear to him that you want him to make a move. I'd probably assume that he's somewhat shy about doing something because the first time he did, it turned out awkwardly. You two can overcome this initial awkward moment... I guarantee it.

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  • You say he's perfect, so why can't you be blunt about it? You can't expect to get what you want by being passive. I'd say the same to him too.
    What do you mean it's the not the right time? You said he's been courting you for 3 years. When will the right time be? You're not getting any younger. You have to figure something out. Hop to it.
    For what it's worth, I'm leaning towards him being into you. I don't think it would be a huge leap of faith on your part.

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    • Because he always asks me what I wanna do.. and I'm not gonna flat out say "I wanna go to your place" because HE'S never flat out invited me over. It's always been kinda like
      "Heyyy I miss you can I see you?"
      "Sure"
      "What do you wanna do"
      "Doesn't matter... lunch?"
      "Sure that works!"
      I'm used to guys being more aggressive... so the way I think about it is: if he WANTED it to be a more intimate setting, he would say that.. but he won't. And I don't know how to interpret that behavior..

    • I also think a big fear of mine (because his actions are so foreign to me), is that I WILL make a move and it won't go anywhere relationship-wise because it wasn't what he actually wanted... and I don't wanna be some chick he's just banging either...

    • Well, what if he's feeling the same way? What if he is shy and is thinking that him making a move will be shut down and the relationship won't go anywhere? Why can't a guy have the same hesitancy?
      If you really like him, someone is going to have to bite the bullet sooner or later. Again, I'd tell him the same thing if I had his ear. The other option would be find someone else that will ask you out. Move on.

  • Wow that long, Just go for it. Hang out one night and all of a sudden get on his lap start kissing him and removing your/ his clothes.

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    • Lol oh come onnnnnn! That's not my style whatsoever

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    • my first kiss was like that. I was talking and talking and talking. She started to get closer but I would unknowingly get within regular talking distance. She got fed up with my cluelessness and grabed me by the neck and started to kiss me.

    • probably not three years, but hey I never went that long with out the girl making the first move.

  • He's been "courting" me for almost 3 years. He's made 1 attempt to kiss me,

    Gooooodddddaaaaammmmm!

    Gooooodddddaaaaammmmm!

    Gooooodddddaaaaammmmm!

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    • awesome body, successful workaholic, VERY sweet and a gentlemen... A queer

    • LdLady wake up, you got a queer. If it takes him 3 years to try to kiss you one time, how long will it take him to eat you...50 years?

      Listen, move on FAST. If it was me you would have had a 4 or 5 orgasms the first week we knew each other. If you were multi orgasmic maybe a dozen. In three fudging years we'd been married and with a kid... Goddaamn! And your still hoping for a 2nd kiss in 3 years? Is your question a joke or what? Jesus!!

    • LOL I might be confused about him in many ways, but I know he's 1000% not gay. I live in the motherland of gay people. I would be the first person to pick up any slight red flag

  • If he has a small dick he will not make a move.

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    • Oh god don't say that!! That's my biggest fear lol... not gonna lie, I've thought about that :/

  • What's wrong with you making a move?

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    • That I will make a move and it won't go anywhere relationship-wise because it wasn't what he actually wanted... and I don't wanna be some chick he's just banging

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    • Honestly I'm just a pussy... I'm oddly shy, sexually, until it finally happens. But I wouldn't only have to initiate the sex, I would have to initiate the right PLACE to have the sex... And since he's never suggested that, it leads me to believe that maybe he doesn't want to. And then I wonder, "wtf does he want then?" It just sucks because I've never had to "wonder" what a guy is thinking. I've always dated aggressive guys.

    • Maybe he has had a bad experience with initiating

What Girls Said 2

  • If you both have this special chemistry that is sizzling but his lips are not hot on the spot, he is showing some signs of One end just wanting companionship and another end of Meet the parents and keeping You and the whole clan close to his heart.
    I could perhaps throw a slight bug in your ear, for I have 'dated' a man like this before in my life. Keep your eyes open, be your own detective and do some soul searching... he may be Gay... he 's made 1 attempt to kiss me, but it was awks and it threw me off guard...
    No, I don't buy the shy guy act. You both have been hanging and hovering for three years and still counting and I am seeing a close knit companionship relationship with cuddly couple tendencies, he wants you to be involved with his family but there doesn't seem to be any further Spark that is igniting here.
    No, don't broach the subject.. i... t's clear, dear, he adores you, you are his everything in many ways, but there is something that is not right in Denmark.
    Good luck. xx

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  • Well then be the one to make the move!

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