Should I leave now or wait it out?

I've post about this before but I want to see if I can get more responses...

I've been casually seeing a man for the past 3 months and things were going pretty good. When we first met he told me that he was in his first year of grad school for Comp Science (which is a very hard subject) and he has 2 1/2 years to go and he also has a full time job. I told him I was okay with that and we continued on with dating. We met in the summer so he wasn't active in his classes yet. The first month was great. We talked everyday, we hung out once a week and we became sexually active.

When school started to get harder he started to get a little lazy on talking to me and we've went a little over 3 weeks with not seeing each other. While I didn't like the situation I dealt with it because I really liked him. Just recently we went a whole week not talking on phone because he was busy with “projects, homework and midterms”. These days the only time I talk to him is when I contact him first. He does not blow me off when I talk/text him first though. He’s quick to respond and will apologizes when he’s really busy and can’t be with me. He’s exact text was “don’t think I’m trying to avoid you. I have a lot on my plate right now.” I try to tell him that I’m not mad and that I understand that he has a lot going on right now. Just this past few days he told me that his step-mom has cancer (I really felt like he was opening up to me by telling me about this by the way.) so that’s ANOTHER stressors he has to deal with.

My question is, should I stick it out with him and see if he will become more attentive later (after the semester is over in the beginning of December) or should I cut ties now and deal with the pain of losing him?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't know that you need to "cut ties" but I would take a large step backward. It doesn't matter what's going on in a mans life, if he wants to make a relationship work, he will. He's busy, no doubt, and that's his priority. Not you. He's not doing any work because you have assumed all of the responsibility, and that's not a position you want to be in.

    I get that you really like him, but he's not actually making you happy. It's still early in the relationship and he's given nothing more than just a casual friends with benefits type thing. It's not that you need to "break up" with him, because really there's nothing to break. I'd just stop doing the work. If he really wants you he'll step up. If not, you've lost nothing.

    I'd be open to other men as well.

    • This is kind of what my mom is saying. I've started... entertaining the option of other men but in my mind it feels weird (I know that it shouldn't). I know that at some point he's going to contact me, even if it's just to say hello. I need to figure out if I'm going to respond back.

    • If you like him this much, I see no reason not to respond if he's giving you what you want. The problem is that he's not right now, and chasing him is making you unhappy. The solution is just to stop chasing and keep your options open. If he wants you to himself, he has to act like a boyfriend. If not, you will find a man who will.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Follow your heart

  • How long can you last with the relationship in its present state?

    • I think I can stick it out until December. My mom is coming home for 3 week for her birthday/Thanksgiving and she will be a much needed distraction.

    • Then you have your answer. Tell him you need more from him or you're going elsewhere

What Girls Said 2

  • See how he's behaving in the second week after the semester is over and make a decision then

  • So you've met this awesome guy that you get along with well. He's been totally honest with you from the get go about his priorities and commitments to school and work (working full time and attending school is admirable, especially grad school). . . He's opening up to you about his personal life, and he is apologetic for his lack of time for you and appreciates that you are understanding about the situation. . . If the distance between you two at the moment, that he warned you about, is your only problem with him, then I think you should definitely wait it out! You won't always be able to be together all the time and this sounds like a promising start to a relationship that may have a future. Vs dumping him over something he told you about from the beginning. . . and starting all over in the dating pool. If I were you I would definitely be holding onto this guy to see how it turns out.

    • That's one reason why I really feel bad. He TOLD me that he was in grad school but I liked him so much that it went in one ear and out the other.

      I should say this though. When we were together one night and he told me that he didn't want to rush the relationship and wanted to take things slow. He told me that he would "not stop me if I found someone else."If I'm totally honest with myself, I think that's what put doubt in my mind. He didn't want to fight for me and therefore didn't care.