How to let a guy friend down easy?

A guy friend of mine has liked me on and off for the past 5 years, he's asked me out several times and I've always said no, but he's kind of shy and quite so I've never really gotten to say to him that I only like him as a friend and that nothing is ever going to happen between us.

However, a new mutual friend has developed feelings for him, and she let him know that she liked him. We have spoken about him in the past, and she was aware that he has had feelings for me in the past. So she asked him if he had any feelings for me, and he told he didnt. But then she asked if they got together, and in the future if I ever expressed interest in him, would he want to be with me and he couldn't answer her.

So now that she's told me all this I am finally going to sit down with him and explain to him that I'm not interested and I never will be, and I pretty much just want some advice on how to let him down easy. We are really good friends, and all three of us are colleagues as well so I don't want everything to be awkward for too long.

HELP?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Honestly letting him down easily doesn't seem like it will really get through to him. Thats just me.

    Also may I ask why exactly you say "there will never be anything between you" not an exact quote.

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    • I just don't feel the same - he can drive me nuts sometimes - we have been through a lot, but I dont feel like I can tell him anything, and I'm always watching what I'm saying because he's really sensitive and overthinks things a lot. he once said hi to me and I didn't hear him so didn't reply, and he brought it up three months later cause he thought i was mad at him and thats why I ignored him. He's just the total opposite of what I am looking for in someone that I am interested in. if that makes sense to you at all.

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    • oh he knows we aren't dating... he's just holding onto the idea of us so hard, that he doesn't want to ruin it in case i do have feelings for him... i think? although I have worried about him mentally in the past (depression, suicidal thoughts) he seems to be alright now

    • He might know you aren't dating in real life, but like i just said that doesn't mean he doesn't go home everyday and tell himself that you guys are or try to convince himself of why you're being the way you are when all he does is love you. I'm not saying its happening, but it really is a thing where someone lies so much they either begin living the lie or believing it is fact. Honestly I would try to stage an intervention type deal with the guy between you three and maybe with some type of shrink at this point.

What Guys Said 10

  • Like most of the blokes below (or above) have said, be firm and honest. Don't beat around the bush. He is going to want to know why, and in all honesty, he deserves to know why, so be prepared to tell him. DO NOT be blunt, be gentle and yet be firm. Do use words, as mentioned, like brother, family and the like, it will get him to understand that there is still a possiblity for you two to be friends (even if that is not what you want) and that little reassurance is what he needs. Depending on how much he truly does like you will let you know how he will respond. Most importantly, do not try to console and or comfort him a great deal if he 'breaks down' so to speak. That will send mixed signals.

    I wish you all the best, be prepared for the worst though, there is no winning in a situation like this. I am glad to hear that you want to let him down easy, most ladies forget guys have feelings too. Take it easy, mate, all the best.
    Any questions to anything like that, you know where to find me :)

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    • Oh god I do not want to tell him why!! would he really want to know that?

    • It is very likely he'll ask you why, but to sure just know why. Even if you don't want to tell him, the state he is going to be in, if he truly does like you a lot, is rather volatile. Be prepared to answer that question but hope he doesn't ask it

    • but to be sure*

  • Let him know that above all else you value his friendship, tell him you see him as family, and that you would never complicate your friendship or ruin it with any romantic relationship with him. All in your own words of course.. but the key words to repeat.. "family" like a "brother" "ruin" "never" "complicate" are important they're strong words that will reverberate with him. Also tell him that there is someone out there for him and once he finds her you'll be so happy for him. Just create an image that you two have a line that will never be crossed. Being a friend for a long time you'll know how to put it as sweetly as possible I'm sure. Hope the best for you.

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    • Thanks! Thats a good idea :)

    • No problem at all, it's a touchy situation for you but the sooner its done the sooner he'll be 100% over you.

  • You need to just be upfront with him.

    Don't worry about being "easy" with him and being nice.

    Just be HONEST.

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    • But can't I be nice and honest at the same time?

    • I never said don't be nice. I said don't WORRY about it.

      He seems like he isn't getting the "nice" approach. You need to be upfront with him. Otherwise, NOTHING will change. That much I promise you.

    • Yeah, I suppose. Thanks for the advice :)

  • Tbh this is a situation where there's no easy way to tell him. However you decide to tell will hurt him. Once you do tell him he may start to distance himself from you and may not want to be close friends since he may need to do that to get over you. It doesn't help that you work together so you see each other everyday. My advice would be to be blunt with him so he gets the message but just expect him to change in how he acts around you afterwards.

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    • I don't mind the whole him changing how he acts around me, we've had fights before and he's asked me out a couple times and he's withdrawn a bit from me with that, but now I wonder if we've always come out the otherside is because he still held on to some kind of hope that I will change my mind

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    • yeah I suppose that's true :/

    • Kelly believe me your be doing him a massive favour by doing this for him. Next time you see him just be blunt and tell him.

  • Tell him the truth?

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    • That's what I was planning on doing, just trying to put it in a nice way.

  • Stop being friends with him because the only reason he's being friends with you is because he has a crush on you. You're just hammering in the nail of pain here.

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  • Doesn't matter what you say hell still be hurt

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  • Sounds like you just have to be blunt about it.

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  • Tell him how ugly he is. That's what I would want women to say to me. Its the truth after all.

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    • He's not ugly -.-

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    • You'd think that since you're at least 25 you'd know by now that not everything is about looks -.-

    • Everything is about looks when it comes to women.

  • Being firm and honest is doing the right thing for the both of you. Look him right in the eyes and tell him there will never be a romantic future with you and him.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Dang he must love you so much? Hmm I'm wondering why you aren't that into him? I kinda read while you explained yourself lol below in the comments but I'm too lazy to throughly read it I just quickly skimmed. All I'm gonna say is you got yourself in a sticky situation and not by choice.. I guess you can't "help" who falls in love with you and for how long they stay in love and some people may NEVER get over you as crazy as that may sound.. Like you may have an ex who may NEVER get over you deep down they still have a piece of their heart for you even though its burried under their new partner if that makes sense? All I can say is I'm also amazed that your girlfriend likes him even though she knows he has feelings for you.. She probably genuinely likes him but if I were her to I'd be a little worried seeing how he's still not 100 percent over you but who knows maybe they will have something serious going on? ALl I can say is the only way to make your point clear is if you kinda cut him out of your life in ways.. but you run the risk of seeming bitchy to others (but oh well) .. I don't know what to say honestly... There's nothing you can do.. Eventually or hopefully he will get over you.. It will take time and he has to date other people to get you off his mind.. He has to experience new girls that will excite him and open up his heart again.. Honestly HE needs to get over you and the best thing you can do is show him you are unavailable and show him he has no chance... Don't give him high hopes.. If you have a boyfriend, kiss your boyfriend in front of him if you don't have a boyfriend talk about how you are going out and meeting new guys.. I don't know.. Just make it clear to him VERY CLEAR that he has no chance whatsoever.. Obviously it will suck for him but if he knows that he should just give up on you then he probably will

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