I was out last night with my bf and his friends. One of them pulled me aside to tell me she felt badly for me that my bf hasn't made it official with me. This hurt my feelings and got me thinking.
We've been together for 9 months, he's flown me to his home town to meet his parents, he lived with me for a few months between apartments, we've taken lots of vacations together, have keys to one another's apartments, are together every weekend, attending weddings togwther and he even makes funny comments about our unborn future children. And yet I've never once heard him call me his girlfriend.
I tried talking to him about this last night and he said that I shouldn't listen to his friend because she was drunk and saying a bunch of stupid things. Yet he didn't assure me of anything beyond that.
Labels are only important in terms of respect to me. I deserve the respect of knowing and having other people know we're committed and officially together.
I want to talk to him again and would appreciate any advice from someone whose been in this spot.
Most Helpful Girl
It is only possible for a person to not belive in labels if the person is autistic. People say that when they do not intend on being committed.
When you have feelings for someone even if you do not tell the person that you have feelings for them you have already labeled her in your head as "different from other girls" or "special to me" and therefor it is impossible to not belive in labels when you can separate and organize people in your head based on how you feel about them. Even with just regular friendships, you can identify a person as a friend and a person as just an aquaintence becasue in your head you know which person you have the connection with. If someone did not belive in labels then the person that you hangout with regularly and talk to regulalry would be no different to you than someone you see passing you by on the street becasue you can not differentiate between the two relationships.
Labels are very important. They are a part of communication. If you want someone to know that you love them and they are more special to you than any other girl and also that you dont want to be with anyother girl, then you let them know. You can't just assume that the woman knows how you feel about her because assuming is not communicating.
I think it is pretty obvious that he has feelings for you however he never intended to develop feelings sinse he says he doenst belive in labels so now that he has the feelings he still wants to pretend in his head that he doesn't and that is because he is afraid of something.
Your bf struggles with interpreting his feelings into words and actually a lot of people, women too strugle with putting their feelings into words.
talk to him again but this time tell him what i just told you. Accuse him of struggling with putting his feelings into words. also tell him that it is impossible to not belive in labels when he can clearly distinguish between you and someone else. say it nicely though. If you two want a fut0