How to turn down a gay guy without hurting his feelings?

Ok to fill you in there is this gay cowerker of mine who has a crush on me. He approached me one day and asked me quite out of the blue if I am gay. I told him I am not which is true actually since I am bisexual, but I did not tell him I am bisexual. Since then he keept approaching me and asking this and that, and eventually he asked for my number. I did not want to hurt his feelings so I gave him my number which was a stuoid thing to do. He kept calling and calling and I did not answer hoping he would get the hint. Eventually he asked me at work why do I not answer, and I kind of dodged the question. He told me he has a crush on me and would like to take things further. I told him I needed to think about it and avoided him hoping again he will take the hint. He did not. The problems with him are the following. First he seems a queen in disguise. He has shaved scalp but otherwise is very soft spoken and quite smooth and shy. Second in terms of looks he is average to ugly. He is very plain and quite boring. He even seems a bit freakishly at times. He is not wealthy. He seems to be looking for sex only and keeps talking about his manhood which really freaks me out. His compliments are flattering but that's about it. And worse of all he has terrible teeth and I can not kiss a drain pipe. If he would keep on like that I would eventually snap and make a very insulting statement about his teeth which would hurt him deeply and I would not like to do that, So how can I turn him down softly and painlessly? And another aspect about myself is that I have an adrogynous beauty pretty much like Jaye Anderson which is not something most gay men look for. They usually look for rugged macho types. I also dress very unisex and pretty, again something a bit feminine that gay men frown upon. So why is he even attracted to me in the first place? And why does he insist seeing how much competition he has from the female coworkers who also flirt with and are better quality than him?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You could just never let on that you're bi, or better yet, there's always the "I don't get involved with co-workers" excuse, which is actually a pretty solid principle anyway.

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    • Yes, I guess that would be the best course of action. Thanks.

What Girls Said 1

  • With a little help from friends
    http://youtu.be/EYwB38Vsh7A

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    • That is a very funny vid. I guess that is what it will come to if he does not understand when being told nicely.

What Guys Said 8

  • Tell him you're not interrested?
    i mean, it's better to be upfront with him than leading him on (like you're doing atm). Simply tell him that while you appreciate the gesture, the feelings are not returned and never will be. Hopefully he takes the hint.

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  • just be honest and forward. you should just say the same thing you'd say to anyone you're not interested. sorry but I don't really see you as a bf/gf/partner.

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  • just say you're straight. he doesn't know.

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  • Take him to the side... outside the store or whatever.

    "Look man, I am not interested in you. I have tried to be polite and I was hoping you would take my hints when I should no interest... but that obviously didn't work. You are a great person and I like working with you but this definitely has to stop."

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  • I'd tell him I'm deeply in love with someone else and can't have any feelings for no one else.
    Sounds good enough?

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  • "I'm flattered but I'm not interested in you in that way."

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  • Tell him you're straight

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  • Okay I could help, since I'm bisexual too.
    Okay first ask him on why he is doing it. Then tell him that you have a girlfriend, it's okay if you lie. Next if he isn't convinced, then ask a lady friend for help, but you're gonna have to tell her that you're bi. Last if he still won't give up, then you have no choice but to hurt his feelings.

    Okay I admit, this is harder than I thought. But I just hope this helped!

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    • thanks for the answer. I think I solved the problem already, I told him I do not think this is an appropriate time for starting a relationship and that I look for something else and have higher goals but we can still be just friends but nothing more and I support the lgbt community because of my socialist political orientation. He seemed to take it quite well.

    • Good. Hope you do well with your life!

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