Should a guy mentioning he may never want kids, 3months into a relationship, be alarming?

So random in conversation, my significant other said he may never want kids. We've only been dating for three months... He knows it is important to me.

Why would he continue dating me if he knows that is something I desire deeply one day?

Should I be alarmed that he said that?

I date not to just date... I date because I potentially want to meet my husband. I don't understand the concept of getting emotionally involved and then leaving because you are ready to move on or whatever. I don't want to hurt anyone nor do I want to be hurt without the potential of something beautiful beyond it.

Just so everyone knows, this wasn't hey an actual conversation. He had his phone inbetween his legs and mentioned how he is trying to stop that because of radiation and all. So I said, "lol seriously. You won't be have no babies." & he said, I am more concerned about an erection. I am not even sure if I want to have kids. I might. But an erection. So I just played on the conversation non nonchalantly and it ended.


Most Helpful Guy

  • this is an extremely subjective question - i. e. it depends a lot on him. Most guys do not want kids, by default. But with time he may become open to the idea and reluctantly agree. After the deed is done he'll come around - or at least pretend he has. True, he may spend the remainder of his life in misery feeling like he's been trapped, but that isn't your problem.

    or he may not agree, even reluctantly. It's a bit like politics, in fact. Both of you are convinced of your own point-of-view. You are convinced that having kids is a good idea. He is convinced that having kids is a bad idea. As such, the idea that someone else can not be convinced that having kids is a good idea may seem shocking to you - as would be the notion that he wouldn't be able to convince you of his idea. Hence, he tells you he doesn't want kids because he thinks it likely that you will come around and be accepting of the idea.


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What Guys Said 4

  • meh, depends how old he is. peoples minds are suspect to change over time and experience, especially the younger folk.

    • 27 (fill)

    • 27 is not that old. he's close to 100% maturity, based off military standards. I would give him some more time if you really like him, but if you don't then just go with what your gut is telling you. more time is like, a couple months maybe, not more than that.

    • I am thinking I can do a couple months. It will bring us closer and possibly intensifying feelings. I will have the talk with him soon about it I guess.

  • The better question is why are you still with him if he doesn't want kids?

    • He randomly said it yesterday. I didn't know how to take it. He said he wasn't sure if he wanted to have kids one day. & I just continued driving because we were in the car.

    • Show All
    • But it really wasn't a discussion. I feel like I should have a talk with him before just taking that comment and running with it. No?

    • Do what you want but I'm pretty sure that's how he feels

  • He's put his cards on the table he's said he doesn't want kids but it may change in the future. If u don't think it will change then it is for u to end it not him.

  • Better you hear it now than three years in... or after you're married.


What Girls Said 2

  • Kinda yeah, if you're considering him seriously and kids are important to you. Sometimes people change their minds, but don't have any expectation of that, because you'll only feel disappointed when his views don't change. It's still a really young relationship... but do you want to continue spending time and investing feelings into something that may not go anywhere because of this incompatibility? That's your call. I guess at least talking about it with him a bit more (since he brought it up anyway) would be a good idea before making any decisions.

  • 3 months is nothing, specially if you're still in your 20s. that's not the typical age for guys wanting to 'settle down'. if you're that young yourself, why don't you just enjoy your relationships as well, instead of framing everything in husband/non husband material?

    • Well I am 23 & I feel that time must be invested in a relationship prior to the idea of marriage. So let's say 3years past. Now I am a few months short of 27. Him, 31. Spend a few years in the marriage enjoying each other, the idea of children is important to know because that is what my biggest desire is.

      I don't want to enjoy a relationship and fall for some one if one day I know I have I leave them because we are not compatible you know? Like this... I don't want to stay and enjoy him and us then in 6months decide to leave. I would break my ow heart then an hurt him.

    • look, nothing is cast in stone, particularly when it comes down to human relationships. it's not like if you 'plan' to be a wife and a mother in - say - 3 years time, then it will all magically play out as you commanded it. 'failure' of relationships is a real, human, normal thing. you can't expect to find the 'right' partner when you never ever had a few shitty relationships to account for, because it's a learning curve. no one of us is perfect. it's a socially common 'cliché' that makes you feel anxious to settle down by a certain age and 'live the perfect dream', a nice house, a nice car, a nice hubby, nice children, etc. - as if it was in real time tv. life is messy and unpredictable. thus said, we're talking about 3 MONTHS of dating, and you're just 23! you still don't know him very well, and you're already wishing to have his kids? just take your time, you might change your mind about kids in 3 years time even. enjoy the good things, let go of the outcome :)