How to date without having sex?

I want to start dating agai but I'm scared I have issues with guys touching me in unfriendly ways like grabbing my ass or holding my hips, it's probably because I had somone take advantage of me when I was younger and it has messed up all the relationships I have had since. What I am really asking is to get comfortable again to be able to date and not feel scared when I am alone with a guy or maybe I have deeper issues tha just this...


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Ungortunately at your age, men are ruled by hormones. It sounds to me like you want to just be friends with a man your age. Just make friends sweetie. At your age, dating will detract your attention from school.

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What Guys Said 11

  • Your young, I think you need to spend more time finding out what love ISN'T before you try to find out what it is. i know young people don't want to hear this, especially from a 56 year old confirmed bachelor, I worship Women, but a lot goes into a relationship. Dont let any man push you into something your not ready for. Remember, your pleasure is just as important, if not more important, than his. Its not a good relationship when one of you is lacking in love or understanding. You have a lot of living to do. Do t rush into adulthood so fast sweety, take the time to do the things young people should be doing to enjoy that one part of your life, because when you get to my age and look back, it's too late. Treasure these moments, there's nothing wrong with finding this out at your own pace. And if a boy doesn't want to take his time with you, there are those who will. Your a Queen, the right boy will come along, and the right guy will never push you into doing something you don't want to do, or will never rush you into doing something before you are ready. If your not ready, you are worth the wait, believe me.

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  • At under 18, a fair number of guys are willing to wait to have -sex-.

    But what you're talking about here is beyond waiting to have sex, its that you do not feel ready to have any kind of over-clothing intimate touching.

    Are you talking to a councilor?

    It's not just a matter of 'being able to date'.

    You're young now, but as your life progresses, sex and physical intimacy is not something you should spend your whole life 'dealing with'. It should be something that brings you joy and pleasure and closeness. Don't let that motherfucker take it away from you for your whole life. You shouldn't have to put in work to deal with this, but you do. So do it and reclaim what you deserve.

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  • If you have unresolved issue based on what happened in your past you may want to see a mental health professional if you have not already done so.

    As far as not trusting guys at first try keeping the first few dates limited to public areas like restaurants or coffee shops. If you don't want a guy touching your ass, don't let him. If he does not respect you wish he is not the right guy for you

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  • Just because a few guys acted that way towards you doesn't mean others will. You might be approaching the wrong type of guys and attracting the type of guy because the way you come off as. To answer your question " how do I date without having sex".. be friends first, let things fall into place but know your self respect, don't be afraid of letting others know that you're uncomfortable being touched a certain way. The reason you were touched before is because you might have not stood up for yourself and let them know how you feel. If they don't understand then he is not your friend and only has ulterior motives. Like I said become friends with the dude and you'll see for yourself what kind of friend he is and what intentions he has then it's up to you what you wanna do from there. A girl/woman always gives the signals if she wants to be touched, kissed or whatever else.

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  • One option is to try group dating. Go out with good friends you trust and invite the guy along so that if he does try anything you're not ready for you have friends there to to stop him from getting too frisky. It gives you the chance to get close while being in a comfort zone. Meetup groups are great for dating because you're out with people in public. Most guys, if you tell them up front you have certain things that you're working through, they're usually pretty understanding. If not, you know they're not the guy you want. Most guys under 18 are happy just to spend time with a girl and are typically as scared and shy as you are.

    Another option is using the three month rule where you date, but don't let things go beyond kissing for three months. This allows you to spend time with someone without things getting too physical. It takes a bit of self control and fortitude on your part because when they try you have to have the nerve to say no even if you really like them. This will usually weed out the bad guys who will treat you like garbage and those just looking to score and you'll end up with actual good guys.

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  • Dating and remaining abstinent is a challenge. Setting clear ground rules and maintaining them in the face of temptation is very important when dating.

    1. Lay down the rules. Let the guy know what you will and will not do. Make sure to dictate them clearly, precisely and with force. It is also good to keep a written copy as proof in case he claims you never said this or you said that.

    2. Stick by your convictions, no matter what. If you believe something should not be done before marriage, or you are just uncomfortable doing this or that, do not give in to pressure. I cannot tell you enough how important this is. Too many mistakes have been made and relationships ruined because of giving in.

    3. Stand up for yourself. Like I previously stated, do not give in. If he tries to make you do something you don't want to do, stand up for yourself. Make sure you have an emergency contact in case it goes out of hand. If you feel unsafe, get out of the relationship as quickly as possible and contact the authorities. You have no idea how much that can help you in a sexually oppressive situation.

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  • I do not know what your type is, but if you like date a shy guy! As my name suggest I am really shy, and even if I wanted to do such a thing like touching your lips. I would not have to balls to. Plus most shy guys I know are more respectfull to woman. :)

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  • Date/make friends with awesome Mormons ;-) (PS, like any group, there's good & bad, find the cool ones, find the good ones.) I'm a Mormon, & was serious about keeping my chastity pledge (no sex until I was married), & so was my wife. I know it's a little old fashioned for some, but I had spectacular dating experiences all through high school & beyond- & now enjoy sex with my wife.

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  • Don't Date then

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  • Simple You need someone to love U first

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  • Before you date someone, check them out as to what hey are really like. Find the right guy and it should be okay. Stay away from the wild ones of course.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Don't mentally force yourself to rush into anything you're not ready for. Maybe take another year. Have you seen a counselor?

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    • No and you're probably right people just think I'm mean when I turn them down for no particular reason and everyone pressures me to say yes... also some people think I'm a lesbian. But I know I'm not ready so I will hold off.

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