Sick of hearing LIES on this site. Why do guys act like they want a "nice girl" when reality proves that they're attracted to the complete opposite?

Guys are just like women. They claim they want nice... but settle for assholes...
Guys claim they want a girl who is loyal, kind, funny, down to earth, ect... I truly believe to be all of the above and then some, but my relationships always result in me being taken advantage of!

And in real life, all of my friends who are cocky, a little slutty, rude, ect.. seem to have guys all over them!

Can someone give me an honest explanation for this and not your dishonest opinions about how you guys would "never date a girl like that"... I've heard it all and seen differently.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's quite simple, really.

    Nice girls get fucked over because they wait on handsome, charming guys to come to them. These handsome, charming guys are frequently players. Their goal is not to be in a relationship, but to have sex. By being attractive, they can easily get with many different girls, and they do. There is no incentive for them to be faithful to one, because if a "good" girl gets tired of his crap, she can be easily replaced. Players have a nice line of girls, both "good" and "bad" ones, ready to get with him.

    The average guy isn't really like that. The relationship oriented guy probably isn't going to be the one who's handsome, charming, and always after whatever pretty girl he sees (there ARE handsome, charming relationship-type guys, but they get snatched up and held on to very fast). Most of these guys have to put in significant effort to get girlfriends, and many of the more average ones are ignored because they're not physically attractive or charming enough to get girls excited. As such, you have a large portion of average guys who want a nice girlfriend they can't get, while the hot guys get more pussy than a cat breeder. Girls get used by the players, get angry, and blame all men, even though most guys hate the current "dating" scene as much as you do.

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    • I understand.. it's just hard to find these mystery "nice guys". And so far, I've gathered that in order to get a nice guy, I'd essentially have to approach HIM because they apparently aren't the type to approach women. It just sucks because while what you say is true (I get approached by confident assholes, so I end up dating them), it leaves both nice girls and nice guys screwed in the end because we're both pussies.

What Guys Said 31

  • -> guys prefer a girl who is sweet to one who is bitchy.
    -> attraction for men is 60-90% looks, 10-40% compatible sexual kinks and how sexual she seems. Personality does not enter into it.
    -> guys are a little different from women, in that being a sweet pushover doesn't really make you more or less -attractive- to guys, where for guys, being a sweet pushover actively makes you -less- attractive to women.
    -> both guys and girls tend to date based on attraction, and stick around or not based on compatibility.

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  • They aren't lies. You're just hooking up with guys that are 1) Not serious 2) assholes

    I dated a girl for the last 6 months who I didn't think was particularly attractive. I mean, I thought she was like a 5 out of 10. But she seemed cool enough in other aspects so I dated her for awhile. The breaking point came just last week. I felt like I was chasing her and that's not what I do, so I ended it.

    My friends found out and they all said, "finally! so many better looking girls!" But that wasn't my concern. It was actual, real life reasons why I dumped her. I don't want to make a list but trust me, it wasn't because she was a nice girl.

    You just have to find the right guy... I'm sure you're making a mistake by going for "hot" guys or something like that.

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  • The real question is; Why are you attracted to guys who won't admit what they really want? Nice guys want nice girls. Me, I want a 'June Cleaver' or 'Donna Reed.' I'll bet anything that you know plenty of guys who want a girl just like you, its just that you haven't been attracted to them enough to notice. Can it just be possible that you, too, are a victim of the same poor judgment as most asshole guys are?

    The explanation of why guys default to slutty-rotten-bitches, is somewhat simple. But it's not the same reason why girls choose asshole to be with. However, If you want a true rundown of whats going on with us when we do that, send me a Message - so I know I'm not wasting time and effort writing a lot, should you not want my opinion.

    Great question, though! That is just what this site should be utilized for - Helping men and women understand each other better.

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  • The truth is that you are confusing 'nice' and 'assholes' with 'pushover' and 'confident'.' Much like a guy who would ask this same question.

    People like a challenge/chase. What you are likely doing is being a 'friend' to guys you're interested in. Stop doing that. Be nice to them, but don't go hang out for beer and pizza with a guy you're interested in.

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    • I really want to argue your point but that is exactly what happened when I went after my wife. She didn't understand how "great" I was, so I had to go after her and once I had her, well, she was mine damnit. I think the book The Rules covers what happened to me. And I am quite happy it worked out that way.

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    • oh ok, gotcha... I would say as far as courting me, I'm pretty difficult to tie down... but once I'm "tied down", and I fall for the guy, after a while they seem to take advantage. For instance, my ex: In the beginning he was obsessed with me. Then I fell hard and let my wall down. I did EVERYTHING for him and low and behold he became spoiled and entitled... then dumped me :/ lol

    • Maybe don't go full tilt, then. Why we all (men and women) get turned off if someone is too into us, I'll never understand

  • Quality over quantity. Due to how the behavior you deem negative is seen as the general norm, obviously you will see the expected behavior be more successful a that is what more people follow, thus more people are compatible with it.

    However, I personally wouldn't really want to date am extrovert, and especially not someone who parties drinks smokes and all the like. They might take more risks and go to bed sooner on a general basis, but I am not desperate enough yet to lower my standards in regard of respectworthy behavior.

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  • Sadly, the truth is they are just so damn easy why not get a little you know. When I get laid I get a whole new surge of confidence and there are many other benefits as well. On huge other hand I would never marry one of these sluts. So think of it like this the lack of attention you get compared to those girls is worth it because she's gonna end up getting cheated on or cheating on someone and her relationships won't be as meaningful and deep as the one you will eventually find that sweeps you off your feet. Real talk. Don't despair you are perfect just the way you are and you will have someone come along and recognize this in you one day. If you wana chat, I'm always down to talk about anything. Private message me if you get bored.

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  • Most guys want a genuinely nice girl who will be sexually kinky with him, and him only.

    It's such a paradox because in order to be kinky, it takes sexual experience to find and perfect these kinks...
    ...
    ... and said guys, because she's been sexual with other people before him, won't consider her "nice" anymore.

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  • Here we go again, more generalizing for girls and
    guys. Not all guys want sluts or assholes, you're just using your past dating experience to be biased against guys. Sure some guys like assholes and some girls like assholes, I see it everyday im in high school. But this isn't always the case, nice guys/girls finish last is wrong in a way. You just gotta siphon through the assholes to find the nice guys or girls.

    Im not saying that guys and girls going for assholes isn't common because it definitely is, it happens all the time but this doesn't mean you should believe it like it is a fact that all guys do that because that's not a healthy way to look at guys. Stop generalizing and go for the right men.

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  • You're right. What people say and what people react to are two different things. Generally speaking, looks are the most important factor in determining a woman's dating success. Traits like confidence and humor isn't a significant contributing factor in attractiveness like it is for us.

    I don't think that's right, but I'm just being real with you. Personally - just cute is good enough for me. Character and personality means a lot. So, those guys do exist, just think of the occurrence as a bell curve.

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    • Yeah I've been hearing this a lot from men. The only thing is, I am considered attractive by many. I would go as far to say that I'm known as the pretty one in most group settings (work/classes/friends/ect) but I have the shittiest luck with men. My problem is I give them everything and then they take advantage of me and start treating me like I'm always gonna be there to take their shit.

  • Your confusing the nice guys from the bad guys just cause you've had bad luck with men
    doesn't mean all men are the same, you could be looking for men in the wrong places is
    why your getting men who are assholes.

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  • You are buying the bullshit and smooth talk of assholes, and far too quickly if you're being 'taken advantage of'.

    Your friends are interesting and have character, which makes them fun to be with.

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  • in all honesty i love the nice quiet girl thats kind loving and loyal and it always starts out that way then after a few weeks or so she flips a 180 and turns into the oppisate. a tottal raging bitch thats rude, lies, cheates and dose mean things just because she thinks its funny. i just want a girl that will treat me right.

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  • What are you talking about?
    They want to be in a "relationship" who is "loyal, kind, funny, down to earth, ect..."
    They just want to bang with those: "cocky, a little slutty, rude, ect.." girls.

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  • It's a lie. I don't think there as cocky and as much of bitches as you claim them to be especially when their with their boyfriends. Now this doesn't mean that it won't show up in the long run and lead to relationship complications.

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  • OK, go be a mean, cocky, slut and get your man. While your at it, get some tats, your nipples and clit pierced, some STD's and then you will be the total 'dream' package!

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    • I know you're being sarcastic but the sad part is, I'm starting to think guys would dig this kinda thing. The std part however, not so much.

  • Oh great, I thought we had a problem with the "nice guy" syndrome but now it looks like women are in on it too.

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  • Lady in the street but a freak in the bed. - Usher

    Truer words have never been spoken.

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  • A girl gets a boy
    a woman gets a man.

    dickheads get dickheads lol
    then when they learn how shitty it is, convert o_o

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  • Because it helps egos? I thought everyone was already in the loop around here.

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  • Do u know why nice guys finish last ;P

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  • I wanna fuck bad bitches, and I wanna wife a nice girl. Here's the difference

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  • Men fuck the bad girls, we date the good ones

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    • Yeah, and then cheat on the good ones with the bad ones...

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    • "Men fuck the bad girls, we date the good ones"... is this because the bad ones turn you on more? Why don't men look at good girls with that same lust? And do you think that women don't realize that men lust after the bad ones more? They might not all cheat, but statements like this make us fearful of it. Why do you think we try to keep our men out of the strip clubs.

    • The bad ones actually show interest

  • Something about a more spicier chick attracts me more. Because she's upfront about who she is. Now the nice girl front is a turn off.

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  • If you're loyal and kind to the wrong kind of guy you'll be taken advantage of.

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  • So many guys would appreciate you. You are just dating the wrong ones. Not sure where to tell you the decent guys are but not the type you are dating.

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  • What kheserthorpe is correct.

    I personally can't stand cocky, slutty, rude women.

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  • Behave asexually, you get no sex, it's that simple. Learn to be more attractive.

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    • Ok, so you're attracted to women who act sexually all of the time? Sexual = Attractive in your eyes. Gotcha. Unfortunately for me then, I'm hoping to find a man who isn't after me because I smell like I'm in heat-but because we actually enjoy each other's company. Good sex is a result of a good connection for me.

    • Be bitter and ignore reality all you want, doesn't solve your problem.

  • Most guys that want a relationship aren't as smooth with women as players are. The same is true for nice women. These male and female players know how to get noticed, and how to manipulate the other gender.

    The fact is that givers tend to attract takers. It is hard for two givers to even find each other. When they finally do meet they are so jaded they see every nice act done as some trick.

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    • Yeah that last part is so true, too...

    • It really is. I once got my girlfriend flowers, and she accused me of cheating, and just feeling guilty about it. She couldn't accept that a guy would do that just to be nice. I have heard other guys have had similar problems when the tried doing something special for their woman. Now I am actually afraid to treat a woman the way I would like to.

  • I'm friends with one of the nicest girls I've met on GAG and if she lived in the same city as me, I'd have asked her out for coffee. Men do like nice women.

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  • Just like with women wanting bad guys... it's IMMATURE women, who want bad guys

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What Girls Said 3

  • This site is pretty much where normal people can fantasize.
    I mean do you see all the dick stuff from guys. Hysterical.
    Probably not 10% of what you read can be validated.
    So relax and try to enjoy it.
    Don't take it too serious.
    Adults like to play too.
    :)

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  • @asker, I'm curious, what's your definition of a nice girl?

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    • One who doesn't go out every weekend, or act selfish and self centered. One who isn't afraid to do nice things for him ie. cook for him and all that girlfriend stuff. I know a lot of women who cheat, talk bad behind their man's backs, use them for money, party every weekend, post half naked pics on the internet... Not saying that I personally think this is a bad thing, they can do whatever they want. But men seem to act like they hate women like that, and prefer the former, however I notice that the girls who are more on the "I don't give a f**k" side seem to have guys in the palm of their hands. Makes me want to convert lol

  • No one asked you to try them all out dear!! Don't generalise

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    • The way you talk about your "friends" doesn't exactly make you any different to them, does it?

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