Nervous when it comes to commitment?

I'm thinking about asking this girl out on a few dates in hopes of maybe being her boyfriend in the coming weeks. And I can't wait to go do stuff with her like outdoor activities and hang out and stuff. But then I think that it will get serious which is what I want but also am afraid of I guess.. I get kind of nervous and possibly panicky in my head if things start to get really serious. I don't know why it's just something I feel. Any thoughts on how to he around this panicky feeling of commitment in a relationship?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Trapped on what? As someone pointed out it just means you don't see other people so if you're not intending to do that anyhow what difference does it make?

    And if you DO want to date others than there no reason to adk her to be your gf... So I don't see the problem.

    Why ARE you thinking if asking her to be your gf. When my you're pretty much capable if taking it one date at a time?

    Do you want to see other people?

    If not what are you worried about?

    If do why are you taking about a relationship... Just date casually.

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    • I would never date multiple people at the same time or anything like that. I'm not tempted to cheat. I guess I just feel like there a lot of expectations when it comes to dating and taking it slow sounds good to me but I feel like there's these "unsaid expectations" in a relationship and I have to do them which is why I kind of feel trapped I guess would be the word. It's hard to describe I guess I'm just being shallow? Thanks for your comment though.

    • oh i totally get that. its why i asked what exactly was bothering you. bc it didn't sound like it was the exclusivity aspect.

      i always felt the way you do but i couldn't put my finger on it. just an abstract feeling i'd be stuck in toys box being judged with expectations on me that I don't know about so id invariably get it wrong and yes I'm greet leave but it feels bad to fuck up and its not fun leaving someone just bc you messed up.

      i think going slow is the most helpful thing plus trusting and ere ally caring for the woman will help you.

      expectations vary but its really ultimately what you guys decide it is, thats why honesty is important. it takes two. you're not being inserted into someone elses relationship. its created by BOTH of you.. you do have control over what is expected:)

What Girls Said 3

  • Okay you need to chill out & take it real slow. No point panicking about commitment when you're only causally dating! I'd say try to find out why you feel like it's a trap - a relationship is something which should make you happy, not something to trap you to one person!

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    • Thanks for the response.

  • It's normal. I was like this too/still am. You have to be REALLY special for me to commit to you. I would only commit to two guys who were in my life and that's it. When you meet the girl, you'd just know that she's the one you want to commit too and there will be no fear. If the fear is still present, then maybe there is something off about her. Give it time

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  • You can always take it slowly if you're afraid of things getting too serious. One date at a time. And as for the panicky feeling, stop worrying about about the future. Enjoy the time you spend with her. you can worry about things getting serious when they get serious.

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    • Thanks that makes sense.

What Guys Said 4

  • Well, for one thing, all "commitment" means is that you've agreed not to see anyone else while you're in your relationship. There's nothing keeping you from ending your relationship if you change your mind, so there's that.

    So unless you were planning on dating around while you're with this girl in the first place, then that "commitment" really doesn't change anything.

    It's not like you're putting a ring on her hand, and even that level of commitment is easy to get out of these days,

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  • Dude! If you don't think you can commit then don't go there. You want to see her happy right? Well don't break her heart. If you're in the relationship and you get 'panicky' then talk to her about it. Make sure things are going to be ok. As long as she's happy. Hope this helps bro. Good luck

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    • Thanks. Ya I definitely don't want to hurt her, it just when it gets to that serious point I feel "trapped" as someone else committed. All your guys & girls opinions helped. I will just take it one step at a time.

  • Well you got to surrender man. That's life :)
    Commitment is responsibility and will give you a lot of experience for your future.
    And nothing to get panic for. You panic may start when you put a ring in her finger. But love makes everything going good and acceptable.

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  • Asking her out doesn't mean want to be exclusive in short period of time.
    Think about it, dude.
    If you don't want any relationship's commitment, it's never mind.
    But sounds like in this situation, you're probably too result-oriented, why?

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    • Result oriented? I'm not trying to get a certain point or status in a relationship if that's what you are asking.

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