Really liked him but now he says he's not over his ex?

Met online had 2 dates then I had to go back to L. A for a month to re-rent my house. We stayed in touch via email/ phone. He said he was excited to see me again and was keeping the weekend free when I arrived back in town. Had a fab time & next date I was invited to his place (an hour away), he invited me to go to the gym & a traditional pub lunch (we hadn't been intimate yet so he had also said I could stay in the guest bedroom if I preferred) The day before he texted to say he wasn't feeling well but would see how he was the next day. As it happened on the day of I went to see a car I was interested in buying we spoke a few times that day and later he said he felt better if I would still like to go over, by then I was running late re; car purchase so we arranged to see eachother 2 days later. I should also mention he had suggested taking me away later that week so when we were finalising plans I brought that up & asked if we were still going away, well he went super quiet I felt awkward for asking & said 'Never mind' and he said 'No, no we can still do that, leave fri come back sat'. Anyway, rang off and we both said we were looking forward to tuesday. Cut to less than 24 hours later I get a text from him saying' I hope you believe me when I say I like you a lot but I'm not in a good place & still struggling to get over an ex. Truly sorry but don't think I should be seeing you or anyone for that matter" Was so shocked I didn't respond for 2 days then texted back to say it was a shame as I thought we were friends at the very least & I would have been happy to get to know him slowly & that I understood. He texted back to say thankyou for being so understanding? Who knows if it was an excuse I'm just really baffled. Any input welcomed. P. S He texted a few weeks later to say he's in san fran on a business contract for 3/4 months & hopes his head'll be together by then & he'll contact me when he gets back...


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What Guys Said 1

  • Wow! You ruined the chance of a relationship to buy a car?

    What I find with women of our age is that while they're super cool, non-fussy and know how to treat a relationship (unlike young women who are fussy and spoilt), they tend to have a 101 things on their mind at their same time. I would often tell my ex that she placed me 99th on her to-do list :-) Nothing more bugging as a guy... but then I guess a woman who has achieved something in life is going to act this way!

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    • She didn't ruin anything because of a car.

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    • The car is just one thing... your story reminds me of my own relationship with a woman of your age. It was very nice and pleasurable, except the way she gave me the message (sometimes) that I was 99th on her list of priorities! I don't blame her for this, she was a professional, had kids, running a house, a social life and a priority of other things to see to! This can be very depressing specially when one invests in a relationship.

    • So you think he was put off by me not going over that night because I didn't make him a priority?

What Girls Said 1

  • Has he talked about his ex before? He could maybe have tried to get over her by trying to date again and then realized that he wasn't ready. It could also just be an excuse, but I am not really sure since he did texted you said he hoped soon to be ready for you/a relationship.

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    • Hi Cheekkky, thanks for all the input. Yes, he mentioned her a little on the first date but gave me the impression it had ended awhile ago. I think you could be right that he thought he was ready to date but realised it was too soon. He did seem like a decent, genuine guy who aside from that last relationship (which lasted 9 years) had been married for 19 years. He's def not a player. Also, he has not been on the dating site since... lastly, I agree why bother texting me back or updating me if he had no further interest...

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