Are kids an issue if you don't have any?

The question is pointed more so toward people with no kids . If you meet someone and they tell you they are divorced and they have kids is that an automatic turn off or will you go on another date anyway?

  • No.. Since I don't have kids I won't date people w/ kids
    54% (7)45% (5)50% (12)Vote
  • Even though I don't have kids It doesn't bother me that he/she may have kids
    46% (6)55% (6)50% (12)Vote
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Older divorced people tend to have children, so people their ages tend to expect it . However, young people like us expect other singles not to have children, so it can come as a shock when someone has one (or more) . It's a matter of maturity, really .

    There some issues that could complicate a person's willingness to accept responsibility for someone else's children . Do the children have special needs ? Are there any problem children ? How many children are there ? I'm not saying that the answers to these questions should affect anyone, but people tend to be less willing to accept a situation that becomes less-than-ideal .

    In general, young people are not inclined to want to take care of and pay for other people's children, especially when they can barely afford to pay their own debts and obligations (college loans, car loans, rent, etc . ) . Children are also major time commitments; there are a lot of different responsibilities that need attending-to in order to meet their needs . Some young people aren't willing to make that kind of sacrifice .

    Many men won't be up to these tasks, but there are some, even at our age, that will love you for who you are, and will be happy to love and care for your children as well . You'll have to look much harder than the typical single woman, but on the other hand, it will be easy to weed out the people who would not be good matches .

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What Guys Said 6

  • That's an automatic turn-off for me. I date with an eye toward long term possibilities, so I would have to consider the impact of her having kids. At the dating stage you are still getting to know someone else and aren't committed yet.

    A woman with kids presents a myriad of potential problems. Those who have mentioned the problems with the other guy still being around raise an important issue. Not only do you have the consideration of potential "drama," but you've also got the whole Lorelai Gimore when's Christopher going to grow up and form our family thing. Divorced, separated, broken-up or not, a guy in this situation is stepping into a scenario where his potential girlfriend is powerfully bound to another man. How powerfully? Too powerfully? Only time will tell.

    I don't agree with the statements that this is a matter of maturity. I think when both parties have kids (which is more likely when both parties are older), then the dynamic changes. But shying away from a woman who already has children does not strike me as immature or superficial. Recognizing the long term prospects can also be a sign of maturity. I would have significant reservations. Shoot, even Gatsby was unnerved by the thought of Daisy actually having a child with another man.

    "So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."

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  • I dated a girl whom had a 1 year old son with another man. She never pushed father-like responsibility on me, nor ever asked me to financially support her or him, so it wasn't so bad. I didn't mind at all, he was a cute little kid and the little boy and myself got along great.

    The negative side of dating someone with a child is you need to realize you ARE affecting someone else's life incredibly. While he/she can deal with it as an adult, their child cannot so much. Just gotta be careful when there's little ones involved.

    Mommys and Daddys don't want "guys" or "girls" of the week, they know those people influence their children.

    Just my thoughts.

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  • Kids aren't the problem as far as I am concerned . I'd be more interested in how much of the father and father's side of the family I'd have to put up with . When you date/marry someone you eventually have to interact with their family and friends as well . I wouldn't want to have to handle logistics of children visits or constantly have to hear about the other guy throughout my entire relationship with the woman . If they had something and it didn't work out, it should stay that way .

    If a woman cut the guy out of her life completely and her kids like me, I wouldn't have any qualms about dating her .

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  • I once thought it a breaker, but I met a gal and fell in love and it didn't matter but in fact made me care for her more because of all she goes through and how hard she works at parenting and school. I'm amazed by her. And her daughter is a blessing.

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  • This is a great question . I am sitting in this situation right now . I am divorced and have a two year old son .

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  • kids are a good protection and time pass if controle properly.

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What Girls Said 5

  • Well, since I'm fairly young, 20, and I don't usually date to much older than myself if the person had a kid this early in life is a sign of irresponsibility or baggage that at my age, I'm not looking for. I'm in a relationship, but when I dated I aimed for people heading toward a successful future who also had priorities such as school or building a career. At the risk of sounding biased, people who have kids earlier in life aren't usually as future oriented as the people that I was in search for. However, if I was in my 30's or 40's I'm almost certain it wouldn't faze me. At that age people have already established a lifestyle and a career and possibly, in this day and age, a failed marriage. Its common. So I think its a matter of age and responsibility for me.

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  • I would accept that they have kids, but wouldn't want to meet the kids until we became official. I know what it's like to be introduced to random people that parents decide to date and I wouldn't want to put the kids through that. I love kids and get easily attached as well so if it didn't work out with me and the other person, I'd be twice as heartbroken because I'd be leaving them and the kids.

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  • I don't think that kids are a problem . I think it can be the drama that may come along with someone with kids . If your dealing with 2 mature individuals then it shouldn't be a problem . But if your dealing with a individual that's not over that person then that's where your problems will come in to play . Kids are not a turn off . I've been in a relationship where he had a son and 2 this day . We're not together due to other issues but I love seeing and hearing about his son . Be open minded and don't judge a situation . When you see boundaries as opportunities, the world becomes a limitless place . You could miss out on a good person .

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  • It's a dealbreaker, I wouldn't date a guy with kids

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  • it wouldn't bother me that much if he had kids even if i dont.

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