Why is the guy I'm talking to becoming so distant?

[Anonymous]

I've been talking to this guy for about a month at first things were going great we texted everyday had good convos and hung out once or twice a week when we are around each other we have a strong emotional connection that's hard to explain we had sex twice he seemed to really like me plus he told me. After the second time we had sex his texting slowed down dramatically he even ignored my messages for long periods of time or didn't reply back at all also when i would try to make plans to see each other he claims to be busy & he hasn't attempted to see me it has been 2 wells since seen him I backed off for a while recently he contacted me we had a quick convo then I went to sleep, I messaged him something sweet one night but he replied back the next morning only saying good morning I said it back then got no reply, I really like him & want things to go back to normal and talk to & see him like I use to but i feel like I'm bothering him or something so i distanced myself by not contacting him and barely replying to the rare messages he seemed every once in a while. What should i do? :\
by the way I'm 17 & he's 19 also we're both cancers if that helps !

[Chris-Armstrong]

I hate to respond in such a blunt fashion but here's the cold hard truth: you should do nothing and see what he does. Here's why I say this. If you keep initiating contact, even if he replies, he's not putting forth the same level of effort as you. Right now, your feelings for him are emotional, psychological and physical whereas his feelings for you are physical and psychological It's very likely that since you had sex, he is moving on. Not because of you and not because the sex was bad but because he can.

I am a relationship coach and have seen this for years. It's the age old reality the men will reduce their commitment to the girl once they sleep together. Not all men, of course, but a lot of them. Women will consistently acknowledge that men are dogs or that men only care about sex and yet when they have sex and he disappears, they seem surprised.

Sincerely--I am not responding this way to sound like a jerk but instead to simply note that there is a reality that a lot of mens commitment and attention will deteriorate once they've had sex.

[Asker]

So you think that I should just move on & continue to not contact him & ignore him completely :(

[Chris-Armstrong]

I do think you should. See what his response is. It can't be you that initiates and wears your heart on your sleeve without reciprocation.

[Asker]

Okay I'm going to stop contacting him completely, but what if he starts contacting me do I ignore him

[Chris-Armstrong]

No, you reply in surprise like: "Oh, I didn't expect to hear from you. I just assumed that you weren't interested because you've been distant. What's up?" He'll give reasons/excuses for why he was distant or he'll sound surprised and he'll talk about how he wants to see you. You talk to him on the phone and engage him in a discussion and see how much real conversation he's willing to invest before you simply see him again. In other words, don't just lie down for him if he contacts you--gauge where he's at and don't just take his word for it.

[Asker]

Okay ill do that but I still don't understand how one minutes he's so passionate & makes me feel special and lucky always wanted to see me to unemotional & acting like we don't even know each other. I'm honestly sad I thought I finally found a good one :(

[Chris-Armstrong]

I hate to say it but it's very likely that you were played. He got what he wanted and perhaps at times still gets what he wants but there's a common theme: He generally gets an F for eFFort but when he's chArismAtic and nice he get's what he wants. When you let him get what he wants when he's chArismAtic, you're teaching him it's okay. I'm not trying to sound like a know-it-all, or negative but again, I really do have a lot of clients like this.

Read my article: F for eFFort, A for chArismA and Why won't The Commit? on mazeoflove. You'll see what I mean.

[Asker]

Im going to do everything you said and see how it turns out & where do I find the article

[Chris-Armstrong]

They're on my website www. mazeoflove. com

[Asker]

Good articles (: ill be back to update how everything turns out soon!

[Asker]

Soo i confronted him about how i felt he became distant and he claimed that he was gonna try to see me more but i haven't heard from him since that conversation, right now im focusing on trying to move on but it's hard because i have him on all my social media pages i always go lurking on his pages even though it just hurts to see him happily online like normal it's as if he never even met me. Should i just go ahead & block him 😞

[Chris-Armstrong]

Absolutely you should block him. He's indifferent and you're somewhat smitten. Those two cannot work together, instead they collide and the collision will hurt you more.

[Asker]

Wooooow so he reached out to me saying that we need to see each other he's seriously confusing me