Confusing, Family VS. Friend Problems :(

Ok here it goes.. So me and my boyfriend were secretly dating. Ever since he told me he liked me, our families started hanging out a lot. His family helped us put hardwood floors upstairs and they would just pop in to hangout like literally every other night :) It was great! And after they would finish working on the hardwood, me my boyfriend and my sister would go upstairs to "watch a movie" but really, me and my boyfriend would make out :) It was going great until one day something happened...

So I knew that my mom and his dad texted alot, because they both needed to talk to somebody about stuff (my bf's dad's dad is dying from cancer and my mom's mom is dying from alzheimers) and they are married (my mom & my dad vs. his dad and his mom) And my mom and his dad have very joking personalities and will joke about things like perverted kind of things and so does my bf's mom. But then my mom and his dad started talking about sex (jokingly, because c'mon everybody talks about it) and I think apparently what I have heard, he developed feelings for her, but my mom kept it clear that his wife loved him and she didn't want it to go any farther than joking around as friends...

July 16th 2009 it happend. The fight. The fight that would change my life forever. Now you have to understand, our families were extremely close :( So what I think happened, was my bf's mom caught his dad texting my mom, but they weren't even having one of their joking conversations, and they were talking about his dad! But what I think happened what he was jacking off to texting my mom, because that is the only thing that could have made her this mad and hate our family. Now she will talk to me and my sister when she see's us, but can't talk to my mom, and my mom hasn't even tried talking to his dad. Me and my boyfriend are stlil together-secretly obviously as to not cause any pain- and my boyfriend heard his mom say that if he ever dated me, she would never talk to him ever again :( I really miss their surprise visits and having them a close friends, especially since my bf's mom, told people and now they hate our family, and act as if his dad did nothing wrong and it was all my mom! But really his dad started it :( So now everybody treats his dad like nothing happened and treats my mom like crap, and I'm tired of it. Now his mom and my other friends mom were talking about me and my sister and saying lies to each other and it really hurts :( There is too side of every story I know, but really I think this whole thing was blown way out of proportion and that they should just forgive and forget, and I know that it is partly my moms fault, but really they don't need to treat her as they do. Me and my mom are really close and she tells me a lot about it, things that were said, and stuff, so right now, really I'm the only one she can talk to because all her other friends have kind of turned on her except one, but she doesn't really want a lot of people knowing everything, so she just talks to me...

This is what changed my life :(


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Oh sweetheart I feel sorry for you :(

    This is really a f*cked up situation you've found yourself in just now... I mean, there isn't really much to say for outstanders, however I would like to give you but one advice:

    Talk with your boyfriend about the situation with his mom forbidding your relationship. There just cannot be such thing as secretly meeting and dating and maybe more. It's just not working out, trust me. Sure you want to give both of parental sides some time to think about what happened and to work it through but eventually this timeframe will just become too long.

    So long, that your secretly relationship doesn't stand it. Not because of you, but from your boyfriends side. Now I do not know how far you've gotten into your relationship but given the situation that your boyfriend would have to choose between his family and you, I just cannot tell you how he would decide.

    After all, this would just put too much pressure on your relationship, so talking about it upfront would safe you a lot of trouble!

    And thoughts on that? Keep me updated ;)

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    • Well, he did talk about that and how he thought we should just be friends until all of this settles down, but I was just so depressed and heart broken, and so was he, and he said that maybe we could be more than friends, but a step down then what we were, that didn't work for us either. So basically we are back together, and not really a secret but it is at the same time, because my mom knows, my sister knows, my best friend knows and my bf's dad knew something was up, but being apart just wasn't

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    • Yeah. Thank you alot! :) But I think we should let a little more time pass before we tell her, also when we are a little older, then maybe she will understand a little better, but I totally agree with you. Thank you for everything! :)

    • And thank you for even awarding me a best answer ;)

      Good luck for the future!

What Guys Said 2

  • Hi Dear..just shocked by the reality of your life, what I feel for every parents there kids are most important thing in there life. So with this point of view I feel you and your boyfriend have to talk to there respected parents frist it won't happen in one day it takes time you have to convence your mother to talk to you on this aspect and develop an envoirement where she feel comfortable to talk to you about this subject where as you boyfriend has to do same at his home. Once you both have word with there respected parents relaisezed them what ever happens is not good and its a misunderstanding due to situation around you all. In second step you and your boyfriend have to bring your parents in a common plateform to solve the further issue.Belive me its not eassy every thing seems to be like a story but that's only way I feel so at this point of time...

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  • I hear that there is such a thing as a counselor (or mediator) that deals with issues between families. It's very hard to bring everybody together to talk about things when there is no mediation. I'm sure there are social workers that offer services like this; so look them up if you believe this is a viable option.

    Other than that, this sounds like a very difficult situation, but without hearing both sides of the story between two families the only communication will be made through lies and rumors. I hope things work out for the better.

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