If a woman has sex with you on the third date, does she go into the "fuck buddy" category?

If a woman has sex with you on the third date, does something shift in your perception of her? Say you both got drunk and end up having sex, do you no longer see her as relationship material after that?

If yes, does this happen even if during the first two dates, you thought that maybe she had long-term potential? Also, is this true even for men in their mid-late 30s and the woman is in that age range?

Updates:
I'm pleasantly surprised by the guys' answers! I've been reading dating articles where the writers say that some girls who put out on the first few dates are then put into the fuck buddy/FWB category because they didn't wait long enough.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Like all the guys said I don't think it would matter for the average guy when you decided to have sex.

    I do think an exception would be a conservative guy- like religious types. They would probably be put off by a girl trying so soon.

    But with most people who aren't too conservative about sex it shouldn't be a problem when you have sex with the guy you're seeing.

    If the guy is continuing to spend time with you outside of the bedroom and you guys happened to click well, go ahead! It's consensual and you're both adults.

    For me personally I wouldn't have sex so early because I Like to be in a committed relationship for that, but you aren't doing anything wrong by any means :)

    I hope he continues to treat you well. If he's a jerk he will just want to hang out in the bedroom most likely and won't make much effort to take you on dates and things like that. Just look to see if he's continuing to show interest in you and go from there!

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    • Thanks, I hope so, too. So far, he seems to be. We went out again - had dinner. He picked me up and drove me to work the following day. He texts almost every day to check in; he's almost always the one who initiates. So far, it's looking good. But yes, time will tell.

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    • And no, he's not religious. We found out on the first date that we're both atheists.

      I personally don't think I made a mistake sleeping with him that early. But I am concerned that it may have put me in a different category in his eyes (FB/FWB vs someone with LTR potential), especially since the I am really starting to like him. Then again, you can argue that if he's the type of guy who will judge me for sleeping with him too soon, then he's not worth my time and effort anyway.

    • That's good. Then you guys are even more compatible! I get your second point- because if he is judging you/doesn't want something serious then you should dump him. But you'll only see with time.

      And if you feel good about your choice that's all that matters. You're an adult so you can have sex with whoever you like assuming it's legal/consensual!

What Guys Said 13

  • For adults, esp once they get to your age an above. Sex is generally considered 'on the table" starting on the 3rd date anyway. so that would be "normal". However, your an adult. if two people really click why does it matter if it is the 1st date, 3rd date or 10th date. your in that area where you should be past the rose colored outlook about sex that these young girls have "oh I have to wait for that special person... or... I don't want them to think I am a slut..." sex is an adult toy and should be enjoyed.
    I don't know any guy that would think less of a woman for doing it too soon. I respect a woman much more that follows her instincts and gut and doesn't let society push her. However older will usually figure that if it is up to 8 to 10 dates and nothing sexual has happened it is not likely it will. Certainly there is always exceptions but usually that is when a guy will start thinking about moving on. Doesn't have to be intercourse but I think oral is at least as intimate as intercourse if not more so... so if your willing to blow him why not sleep with him. although most of us guys would rather have the blow job lol... as long as we can reciprocate...

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    • That's actually always exactly how I felt about it! Especially at my age, our age, it seems silly to have these rules about waiting. I have always gone by the principle that if I feel like it, then I will have sex. I have never seen sex as something that I "give" to a guy; rather, it's something that I enjoy with a guy I like/love.

      That said, I have heard a lot of slut-shaming going on about girls who put out on the first few dates. So while I myself don't think of sex that way, there are some people who apparently place girls in a category when they put out on the first few dates. Hence the question.

    • wow I just noticed I got downgraded to Over 35 instead of over 45. sweet.
      the guys that do that are young and immature kids. usually 25 years and younger and just idiots to start with. when your older you just don't feel that way. Sex changes for me. When I meet someone and it is early then it is about 2 people just making each other feel awesome and having fun. If I fall for her, and her for me, and it is in a relationship then it becomes an expression of love and it takes on a much deeper meaning.
      But I was with my ex wife 25 years. so I am just dating for the first time in my life really. I went out with only 5 women before I met my ex wife. and never had a true girlfriend. I actually had 1st date sex for the first time. but we had been texting for almost a week and really clicked, and got into some very deep discussions. so it was like we were already on date 5 or 6 before we met. we didn't even have the date. She ended up just having me come to her house. it was a great night..

    • Congrats on being downgraded to "over 35"! Lol.

      And good luck to us on our new "relationships"! I got out of my marriage just a few months ago, so I'm getting reinteoduced to the dating scene as well.

  • Personally most of the girls, wait all of the girls I've been with have fucked pretty much immediately, I didn't even have to take them on any dates at all. They love my musical talent is why. I only stayed with one of them for 3 years and the others I dumped pretty much immediately. I'm a man, if a girl tries to have sex with me I'm most likely gonna do it haha. But that doesn't mean it's necessarily a good idea. If the sex isn't amazing I won't be with her for very long. And we have to have a lot in common for it to work. Then again if she takes waaaay too long I'll probably dump her anyways because I'll feel like she really isn't interested in me.

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    • Why is it not a good idea?

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    • So you have sex with her, realize you don't like her, and then never see her again?

      I'm asking because this guy, after we had sex the first time, asked me out again and is continuing to contact me. It's always him who texts first. That a good sign then?

    • And we did go on 3 actual dates before we hooked up.

  • No. It doesn't matter when the first time is - it just depends on whether or nor you still go on actual 'dates.'

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  • When we fuck has nothing to do with where we stand. If we fuck early, but our personalities mesh together well, then I still see her as a girl with long term potential.

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  • There is no fuck buddy category for me. I don't do FWB. I'll either date you and fuck you or nothing will happen.

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    • Cool. I hope this guy thinks like you do. I'd love to ask him, but it's a little awkward to ask, "Am I a fuck buddy, or are we still dating?" Because that will lead to the DTR talk, which even I am not ready for yet.

  • third date, first date, eight date, shit doesn't matter.

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  • Let's answer your questions here.

    "If a woman has sex with you on the third date, does something shift in your perception of her?" Yes, I think that she really likes me and finds me attractive.

    "Say you both got drunk and end up having sex, do you no longer see her as relationship material after that?" No, I still see her as relationship material.

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  • LOL of course not. You don't date in a fuck buddy relationship. You just call and fuck. Nothing else.

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    • Sorry, I'm ignorant about fuck buddy situations. I've never been knowingly in one.

      So guys don't go out with their fuck buddies? No dining in public, running together, etc?

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    • Oh, and he never does sexting. In fact, outside of the bedroom, he never says anything sexual.

    • Then there's nothing to worry about :). I feel like it's between the two individual partners as to how long the two should wait before having sex.

  • No, my perception about her won't change if she wants sex in the first date or 20th

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  • You won't believe me.. but the relationship which
    starts with sex has naturally got no sense.
    I see no emotional bonding and it's difficult to say where this would go.
    Good luck

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    • Doesn't mean that no emotional bond can be built if the two people keep seeing each other.

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    • Yes, as with most things in life, only time will tell.

    • Exactly :)

  • Well if we got drunk and hooked up, it was purely a mistake. I don't believe you can really know a person in 3 or 4 dates, and since sex for me is an important bonding experience I would feel like that might be irreversably damaged.

    So no, I wouldn't see her as a fuck buddy. At best I would see it as both of us making a mistake. At worst I would think she is that type of girl and decided we aren't right for each other. Eiyher way I would definitely question if there was the potential for a real relationship after having sex so early.

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    • Well, we went on a dinner date after that, and yes, had sex again. But this time sober.

  • No. I don't have such double standards. Any guy that thinks that is just looking for an excuse to avoid a relationship.

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  • No, because that's silly.

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