Why can't he just be straight with me about him not being that into me?

The friendship I have with a guy friend of mine took a turn toward romantic ways a month or so ago and ever since we started talking way more frequently, daily, and in more flirty ways. We've always had a great connection and a lot of common interests but then we had the urge to sleep with each other. When we got together a few weeks ago we had sex but he kept talking about he's "not ready for a relationship at the moment." Part of me understands that he just got out of a relationship a few months ago that he's still getting over, and another part of me knows that he's just not that into me. It feels like he likes me fine, but definitely not strong enough to be exclusive with me.

We have a trip coming up to see a musical and we were talking about how to deal with hotel stay that night. Originally we were talking about sleeping together but now I feel like I need to have some self respect and say no to sex without a commitment from him. So I said it's probably the best we get separate beds at least. We talked about where we currently stand and I mentioned that I knew he's just not that into me when he said he's not ready for a relationship. I thought he'd admit it but he went on to say that he's just slow to figure his feelings out and he's also on the fence about something, especially after how things turned out last time he's afraid of giving his heart away agin, etc.

So I'm kinda confused. Wouldn't admitting that he's not too into me be easier for us both? We can stay friends and he can go pursue whomever he's truly interested in? If he was afraid of hurting my feelings in the past I understand, but now I've already told him that it's fine he doesn't feel much toward me, why can't he just admit it? Is he dragging me along or is he not ready to let me go totally yet?


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What Guys Said 1

  • If he has yet to recover from the breakup with his ex, then, unfortunately, he has residual feelings for her. And if such feelings are strong... well, it's only natural that he lacks interest in being exclusive with you, or with anyone for that matter.

    Now, that does not mean you are uninteresting and unappealing in his opinion. No, it simply means he is emotionally unavailable and therefor unready to completely put the past, his ex, and their relationship behind him and devote himself to someone new, or should I say, you.

    Consequently, you will be well advised to give him space and decease in pursuing a relationship with him at this time. Otherwise, you risk subjecting yourself to being a rebound.

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What Girls Said 1

  • To me, it seems like he is dragging you along as he wants to keep his options open and he just has you on the side and it seems like you're into him more than he is romantically into you. You should talk to him about how you feel and ask him why he had sex with you, got your hopes up, then now he won't make his mind up about being exclusive but he's expecting more sex. It's just communication that is needed for you to both understand each other. Hope it works out 😊

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