Girls take on a passive role in a relationship?

I've just started dating, and it surprises me that the girl I like is so... passive about the relationship. Like, I am the one who has to ask her out and stuff and check on her. Even when we had a mutual friends' outing, she didn't invite me or ask if I was going - I had to go and ask her and her female clique about it.

It's not that she doesn't like me though, I think. She always makes it a point to reply to my messages within a day, she is happy to go out with me.

I mean I'm just curious if it's normal for girls to... do their own stuff and wait for the guy's initiative?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes, in the beginning stages of dating, we usually take on a passive role. Society has done a great job of scaring us off of initiating anything, lest we be labeled "needy" or "clingy" and risk losing the guy's interest!

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    • lol but I'm the one who's asking her out haha. If anything I should be the one who's worried about being seen as needy. :)

    • But see, that's expected of you. Men are expected to take the lead. Women are told that if they initiate in the beginning, men will lose interest because the thrill of the chase is gone. I think it's fucked up how that happens, but enough women have been burned in the past for showing too much interest too soon. So they've learned their lesson.

      Some girls will start initiating after the first 4 dates or so. Some won't feel comfortable until they know you're exclusive.

    • icic, that's... it feels pretty tough being a girl x_x At the same time it also makes us guys afraid to be too forward in initiating things or committing because, it feels too one-sided.

      But it might be a good thing, because nothing bad's ever come out of slowing down a relationship. I think.

What Girls Said 4

  • Girl almost always wait for guys to ask them out, it's what's more socially "normal" i guess. Good job asking her out though ay

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    • I see I see.. Actually I don't know what I was expecting either. Something like her asking me out or something, or perhaps its still too early for that. It's only been the first date (and a few mutual friend outings)

  • For messages I always late reply because I have to work and tied after working hours. Maybe she is to shy to ask about that. It is like old fashion. Why don't you ask her?

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    • I don't think I should just ask her straight, I mean, it'd look pretty needy of me haha. That's why I'm asking online. :)

  • thats how the vast majority of girls are

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    • Would girls still be passive even if it's a guy she had feelings for?

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    • Whoa okay, that's pretty forward of you haha.

    • ya i'm not like most girls

  • Yes this is normal. I am like this in the beginning.

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    • i see. **hopes next time it would be less like that** lol.

What Guys Said 2

  • ya it's the harsh cold truth reality of life, the truth hurts

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  • its either in a girls instinctive nature or just a very strong social construct

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    • If they want a guy they should just totally go for it.

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