Should you first become the "best you" before dating someone else?

So i've had some issues in the past that I am trying to sort and I am definitely far from perfect.

I know that I don't need to be "perfect" to date a guy... but I would at least like to have my education, fitness, and emotions in order before I date a guy i really like.

The only problem with this is I end up pushing away guys because I am just not ready to be with them.

  • yes
    100% (6)29% (2)62% (8)Vote
  • no
    0% (0)71% (5)38% (5)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • What are your goals in education, fitness, and emotions? Most people feel the same way to "improve themselves" so that they'll be more compatible with others when dating, but how can you measure those objectives to the point when you're "ready"? Human desires and standards are insatiable, you might reach a certain goal you had in mind and it will feel great.. for a little while, until it wears off and you feel compelled to accomplish even more (it goes on forever). In short, it's okay to always strive to improve yourself everyday, but you shouldn't let that curtail you from dating and thinking you're "not yet good enough"

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What Guys Said 5

  • You don't have to be the best like in having a full education, a job or anything else, but you need to be the best you as a person, emotionally. What I mean with this is not perfection, because we all have flaws, but being comfortable with who you are, feeling confident, and proud of yourself.
    I realized this not long ago, and I'm working on it. I've always tried to fix my relationship status, instead of fixing myself, and that's what stopped me from getting a relationship. Now I'm working on myself, and if the opportunity comes, then I start dating, but I ain't searching for the moment.

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  • I've always felt that way, like I didn't want to foist my problems or deficiencies on someone else. Plus, I don't have the highest self esteem. This makes me feel like I need to be better if I expect anyone else to love me or want to be with me. The thing is, though, you learn a lot just by dating people. Call it "practice," if you will. I'm worried that if I don't start dating girls soon I'll fall so far behind socially that no girl will want to be with me in the future. I think there's a process we must all go through to become who we're meant to be. The problem is, we can't put off life indefinitely while we're on the road to our goal.

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  • We can never be perfect... And that's ok.

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  • I say no only because (as you kind of stated) you're not going to achieve perfection (not a dig on you, it's jmo). We're all "in progress." Just be open that a relationship can start at any time.

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  • No. You grow the most with someone at your side.

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What Girls Said 3

  • I think many woman make this error. They want the guy to solve their problems when guys are only attracted to girls who can solve their own problems. I fell into this same trap when I was younger - I wanted a guy to complete me and had no intention of completing myself. Now I am older and realize the importance of working hard and being the best person I can possibly be - not only for the guy - but also for myself and for my religious orientation as well. I study to impress my religious community and my Jesus - I don't care too much about school otherwise and would not study hard at all if I wasn't dong it for religious reasons.

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  • In a perfect world, yes, you should be "your best" before getting involved romantically. But in actual reality, sometimes a wonderful, delightful, charming connection will walk right into your life and demand your attention. By the time you feel intricately polished, that person may drop right out of your timeline.
    It's a beautiful thing when someone you're into wants to help you grow.

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  • I feel like I do this too. Like I don't feel adequate enough... its ridiculous really.

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