Could you ever date someone you are not physically attracted to?

For me there has to be some level of physical attraction otherwise wouldn't you just be friends? I don't think it is shallow or superficial to think that.

What do you think? Are you with someone you are not physically attracted to?

  • You MUST be physically attracted to someone to date them
    69% (151)79% (143)73% (294)Vote
  • It doesn't matter
    31% (69)21% (38)27% (107)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Physical attraction does matter to an extent, yes. It should matter. I want to be with someone that is attracted to me, and I am attracted to her.

    I also think that we all have our own ideas and feelings about attraction, and that when we are with someone we see something special in them that nobody else sees. For us, they are the most beautiful/handsome person on the planet, regardless of whether others agree or not.

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What Guys Said 69

  • Yep it matters, anyone who doesn't say it doesn't is lying or in a bad relationship... Imagine dating someone who thought you weren't attractive, how much of a punch in the stomach would that be? Plus it doesn't mean you have to be stereotypically shallow, my idea of attractive could be someone else's idea of unattractive. There are a lot of people who think they aren't shallow because they'll date someone more plain or who isn't a size zero or whatever and they'll talk down to you like you're a massive jerk for being attracted to the people you cannot help but be attracted to. Yet they aren't doing anything different, they're dating someone they're attracted to, it just happens they don't go for 'stereotypical beauty'.

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  • Never. I could never be that rude and selfish

    Luckily attractive doesn't mean perfect 10 or model looks. Their are plenty of "cute" people on this planet. They will never make People's Top 100, but they will make someone's number 1. Secondly there will always be people more attractive than you. I know plenty of girls is loving relationships that I don't give a second glance too. I doubt the miss me because they have found someone good for them

    Relationships and dating aren't one competition we are all in. My idea of winning is different to the next. Beauty being in the eye of the beholder and all that jazz

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  • I must have a physical attraction. They don't have to be what everyone finds attractive, but I have to find them attractive.

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  • A huge reason I stay single is because so many women in my area are overweight.

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    • Who is down voting this

    • Show All
    • My only say on this is I can't become attracted to someone who doesn't look after themselves. It's nothing to do with media, just having standards.

    • Overweight people know their weight holds them back from dating a lot of other people. Many who do not care simply date another overweight person. Unfortunately many others (both men and women) chase "good looking" people and then get turned down and the attempt to bash the person they're attracted to claiming that he/she only wants a good looking person when that's exactly what the overweight person is chasing.

      I personally workout a lot. I do see people on "weight loss journeys" and I do think they're doing a great thing. The reality is that being physical with someone I'm not physically attracted to results in a bad sexual session that not only turns me off but potentially hurts the feelings of the person I'm with when they see how turned off I am.

      My preferences are my own and they can hate all they want. I've chosen what makes me happy.

  • I gotta admit, I used to be friends with a girl that I didn't find any physical appeal/attraction towards, but the more time I spent with her I started to like her and I actually started seeing her beauty pulsate from within her to all around her... so what I did was... bone the fuck out! sorry. true story. lol bone = (not sexual reference)

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  • cute face and good hygiene=dating her

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    • Pretty much. Women are really severe towards themselves and each other, but most guys don't even care about their height, style and measurements, or if they're skinny, normal, chubby or thick. A normal feminine face and a normal body is good enough for us haha.

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    • @been_waiting Most guys you go for maybe. Players (most attractive and most confident guys) of course can have whatever girl they want so for them there's no reason to settle for anything less than a 9/10.

    • @vulcanhades I don't date.
      But anyway you're just projecting your own opinion

  • I would have to be physically attracted to someone for me to want to date them. At least to me, sex is the whole point of dating. Its what differentiates a "friend" from a "boy/girlfriend." Take away that element, I don't see the point in dating them. (I'll be their friend no problem! But for dating? No looks, no thanks.)

    I know how you feel though; that makes me feel like a shallow jerk too. xD

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  • Should be some attractiveness. It makes a huge difference on the girls personality. She can really be a gold gem, or a piece of trash. Most guys don't care even what her name is to get in bed with her, but there are few out here, that would like to get to know her first as a person.

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  • I need some physical attraction, although the more I like the other characteristics of the person in question, the more likely I am to find physical attractiveness in her.

    I've known more than one girl that has "become" beautiful.

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  • I've dated girls/ young women, who i would say were average looking,
    overweight , plane Jane type of girls , never wore make up, the one
    she wore glasses. I don't build high maintenance when looking for girl
    to date and i don't use high maintenance on phsyical appearance
    some men can't see the beauty i do in woman. My ex girlfriend
    i tell her how pretty she look , she come back to me with well i
    don't feel pretty it's like oh wow smh.

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  • I wouldn't do that to someone. Would you want to be with a person you know liked other men/women more than you? That they'd leave if given the chance.

    Neither would I

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  • You must be attracted to them, or things will never work out.

    OTOH, it's not like you need a model, a p*rnstar , or the like. Just someone who revs your engine. Sometimes it can be as simple as a brilliant smile and nothing ridiculously wrong.

    On the plus side, I can get it up for a number of women - so finding a woman who's attractive enough isn't a problem.

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  • I could. Most important thing is to feel that click.
    The beauty will eventually go away you know. But the heart stays! So emotional attraction is much more important :-)

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    • I wrote a question about beauty having a staying power all it's own.

    • Hi @Bluemax... I had a look at your questions but couldn't find it, was it a recent one?

  • Here's the thing. What I find attractive isn't exactly the same as what someone else thinks is attractive. I don't like heavy women, but I have friends that do. And I am not a fan of prominent noses, but it doesn't bother everyone. I shave my head because it started thinning in my 20s. Some women go for that look while others want a man with a full head of hair. Beauty is most certainly in the eye of the beholder.

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  • Sorry no. That's the first thing men and women both look for in their partners whether you admit it or not. Then again if you arnt attracted to someone immediately you can acquire a taste for how they look as well.

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  • At first its seems important to some level, like you need to at least be attracted to the person. In a world where we have choices, its reasonable. You don't just go to a store and just buy whatever at any price, no you have choices and that commands a lower price if you can find one.

    However, I do believe if there isn't that much attraction, overtime the person can seem more attractive visually depending on personality. And vice versa, someone that seems really sexy/hot at first can easily seem less attractive due to personality later on.

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  • Physical attraction gets my attention, personality is what would make me stay. So far I just don't find both lol They are either beautiful but bitchy or awesome but 300 lbs

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  • Physical attraction is not the most important thing but it does matter.

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  • No, but I'm not overly picky either - they don't have to be a supermodel for me to find them physically attractive, and I'll often find a girl starts to seem more physically attractive once I get to know them.

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  • I voted A... if I'm not attracted to you, we can be friends at best.

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  • Someone I like but am not physically attracted to is called a friend.

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  • No, If I am not both mentally and physically attracted, I can't do it. This may sound superficial, but it's not. some girls like guys who are strong, people say thats superficial, except being strong is part of who they are. a person is comprised of body, mind and spirit, and I have to be attracted to all 3,

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  • Well. It's not the only thing but it definitel is the first criteria. Even the girl with the most amazing personality in the world would still be only a good friend to me unless I feel physical attraction to her. That being said I'd prefer only mildly atractive girl with good personality, skill, inteligence etc. over very hot one but with little else to offer.

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  • My anaconda don't want none unless you got. ... some reason "physically speaking " to keep me interested at least a little. I'm not shallow, but are we talking about this person being an aquaintance for a while first? Or is this a hypothetical first encounter?

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  • I haven't even been in the game very long (15 years) but I'm 90% personality and 9% looks.(1% karma). I've always chased the "hot" girls but it got old dealing with the rejection both from me and the girls.

    Basically, I lived with a women for 5 years, was pure physical at first, by the end we hated each other. The woman I have now fits my criteria perfectly.

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  • It doesn't have to be a model, but I have to be physically attracted to her. I try to keep myself for and attractive as well.

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  • It shouldn't matter but if you've got an amazing personality but are 500lbs there's no way in hell I'm going with that. (Unless it's muscle)

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  • Nope nope and nope. Physical attraction is a MUST. a MUST!!!

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  • Depess of se can keep me interested and happy with CONSTANT sexual happiness.

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  • it all depends on what has pushed you to ask the question , there is a high possibility that you can date but the problem comes when you just date the guy , in order to make him happy , if thats the case , u just have to drop the date, unless if could link to him some how!

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What Girls Said 81

  • Long ago I would say A, that I must be attracted to the person. But, that was when I was young and did not know what love was...

    My actual first love was not attractive at all... I became friends with him in my Spanish class. He was over weight and not attractive at all to anyone... But, we grew closer... and before I knew it... I fell in love with him. It was his personality that I fell in love with. And, for the longest time I denied it... even when he knew I loved him.. he would try to get me to be with him... What would people think of me? A pretty girl with an ugly overweight boy? I was young and only cared about what others thought.. not myself. I gave it a try and I had a lot of good times with him... It ended because nobody approved of our relationship (except his parents), and the people who didn't approve caused a lot of tension between us. A lot of jealousy.. a lot of hate...

    In the end, looks do not matter to me. Now a days, I see a guy who I might have thought was extremely attractive UNTIL I meet him... and then he becomes ugly to me... Just like a girl... I meet a girl who I think is so pretty and I admire her... and then I see her real colors and begin to think she is actually ugly. It is like--I first see the outside of a person.. but then when I see their inside... I realize whether they are attractive or not. Like a book really. You have to get to know the inside :)

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    • P. s- in the end--when I fell in love with his personality, I saw a perfect person

  • I don't think it matters. I'm not so sure, but I'm most attracted to personality. If a guy is not the appealing, I don't think about dating him, but if we started as friends and I see a way he treats people with respect, I can end up liking him. I dated a guy for 6 years and according to everyone around me, he's not attractive. He was shorter than me. I think its possible to date someone thats not appealing, but it'll be difficult because these people are insecure about their looks and they end up testing the relationship or finding someone least attractive. That's what happend to me.

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  • I would say yes, that you have to be physically attracted to them to some extent. With me personally, any guy I've went out with or really liked, we were always friends first. Actually, about half the time, the guy I ended up liking a lot was considered to be ugly. And I didn't always think he was gorgeously hot either. But as I get to know him through friendship, and start liking him, he just seems to appear more attractive to me physically as well as personality.
    If you never become physically attracted to someone, it's just going to become an issue when he/she tries to go up to different levels of affection.

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  • There has to be a physical attraction first, the personality determines whether you will remain in the relationship or not.

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  • When I was in 9th grade my boyfriend was SO SO ugly but he was SO SO good to me and we dated for 2 years. I started to not care what he looked like on the outside because I knew who he was on the inside, a very beautiful person. I loved him dearly but things didn't work out in our favor.

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  • Nope, gotta have that attraction, cause like you said, without it isn't it just a platonic relationship? The only two guys I've dated I've broken things off with because I wasn't attracted to either of them. I mean, the physical attraction needs to be there, but I still felt absolutely horrible about it cause they were both really great guys and we got along well. But the spark just wasn't there.. :/

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  • I wasn't physically attracted to my first boyfriend but we dated for two years before he cheated on me! I think I boosted his ego by dating him so he thought he could get anyone and anything. He was greatly disappointed after I left.

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  • Yes.
    A great personality makes my physical attraction grow for someone.

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  • I've tried, and I've come to the conclusion I personally can't. There has to be some physical attraction, even slightly.

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  • Sure its important in the beginning but connection is important to build a life together. Attraction doesn't go away but is blinded over time, it grows with you. I will always find my husband attractive, as he ages, grows fatter, balds goes white because looking into his eyes brings me such happiness. He will look cute and helpless when he is old and i will hold him and remember the life we shared together the one life we had we lived together.

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  • Oh come on, we all know appearance does matter, at least a little bit. I need some physical attraction to date the guy, not just personality. I tried once to date a guy I didn't like physically (face), I just couldn't. Even if he had a decent personality.

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    • What was the outcome of dating the guy you didn't find attractive? A similar thing happened to me.

    • @Bluemax We just stayed friends for a while, but I got busy, he did too and we stopped talking. Anyways the "couldn't" was also because he was 6 years older than me.

  • I actually wasn't really attracted to my ex, like... at all. I didn't dump him for being ugly, but I'd never do that again.

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    • Why did you dump him? I agree with you it's a wise policy not to do it again.

  • I dated a guy who I wasn't attracted to, it was hard but I loved his personality. I don't recommend people doing that. It was difficult for me to kiss him and let him touch :X

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    • Similar thing happened to me. What was the outcome with this guy?

    • @BlueMax its really confusing to be honest. I only dated him cause he pressured me to. At first it was awful, I wouldn't let him kiss me or touch me. I did everything I could to get him to dump me. Showed him disguisting things, acted innapropiate, and spoke shit of him behind his back (No I am not happy that I did any of this) But he would NOT leave me alone. He begged me to stay with him when I tried to end things.

      I ended up falling in love (Yes it was love, don't tell me it wasn't) and he broke up with me because of circumstances none of us could change. Now I still like him (though I am not physically attracted) and I think he still does like me too.

      Problem is circumstance is still in the way so I am waiting until after graduation and see where things go from there (I graduate this year)

  • No, it's impossible for me. If I don't find someone physically attractive, I won't be interested in getting to know them.
    I had some people judging me for this, saying that I'm too picky. But I just can't date someone who I find physically unattractive.
    If I did this, I would feel that I was deceiving myself and also the person I was dating.

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  • I dated a guy who I was physically attracted to, and then after a while it started to die down and I didn't find him attractive anymore. I thought his looks were okay until now. I think attractiveness and looks or whatever you cal lit is a bonus, I think a bright charming personality is key. But then again everyone has there own opinions.

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  • I have to be attracted to someone to want to date them. But they just have to be attractive to me. Seriously none of my friends think my crush is cute. Only my mom agrees...

    And I don't expect perfection either, of course. That's what would be shallow. Also- I've met guys who I think are just okay looking and then I get to know them and find them attractive.

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  • I am with a wonderful person, he does everything for me, he is amazing... he is everything i was looking for, except that he is not attractive. He is chubby, he has a mole on his face, he has too much body hair and an ugly beard... and the worst of all, he has a small penis. Really small! We didn't have sex yet and I am afraid I won't like it because of the tiny size... He is really not my type, but at the same time he is the most wonderful amazing person I have ever met.
    Now I just dont know what to do... i really don't, I don't fell any atraction to him. YES i think it is important, but when you are on that situation you are really lost, I am lost.

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    • Maybe tiny size also can bring you great happiness, hhha, don't worry about it , h's love is the most important

  • No I would not. I do not think it is superficial or sth. I am not searching super duper attraction. But there really should be some. I agree with you otherwise it becomes friendship.

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  • I think it can be a factor when choosing someone, but it's definitely not the most important. Because maybe the person you like sn't really all that attrfactive but their personality is or the little nice things they do are. I guess t depends on the prson.

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  • Personality plays a big part in dating. With that said there has to be some type of physical attraction to other wise it won't work out

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  • I think it matters when you are out and pick someone out you picked them because they are attractive but I know there are also people that you see as just friends and don't find them all that attractive but grow to like their personality and that is enough.

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  • Yes I have and he grew on him

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  • How could you even consider dating someone you don't like looking at? I'm shallow as all heck, I broke up with a guy because I couldn't stand his hair color. Nice as can be but I couldn't stand the color of his hair. So there was no way I could continue dating him. It just doesn't work.

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  • I didn't vote. Yes I need to be physically attracted to the person to date them. However, there are times when I meet people who are definitely not a head turner for me, but after getting to know them they suddenly become more physically attractive to me if they have a good personality.

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    • I love your comment and agree wiith it completely! :) The same is true for me^__^

    • @CutesyLolitax Yeah Ikr! thank you :)

    • Yeah being in love with someone makes them like 10 times as attractive :P. And then they gotta be ugly af to still not be hot enough xD

  • No way they have to be hot

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  • I don't think I'll find myself dating someone I'm not attracted to, otherwise I'll be wasting my time and theirs. I would be doing us a favor if we didn't date in the first place.

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  • Well i have to be attracted to them in the first place to actually approach them, so yeah i would only date someone im physically attracted to :)

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  • As long as I don't find a man Unattractive to the point where I wouldn't even want to touch him, I generally don't care about looks. My standards in regard to personality are sky high, but no so much when it comes to looks.

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  • A good heart and personality only goes so far. When it comes to being intimate and you can't even touch them in that way, there's a problem. They don't have to be a model but if you have to have some type of physical attraction to them.

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  • I think you need at least a tiny bit of attraction for it to really work cuz if it's gunna last long then ull be doing stuffed involving the need for physical attraction and u need some of that

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