I'm not anybody's type. Most people eventually finds someone who's a good match for them; Im 23 & still haven't.. do I need to change myself?

I'm 23 years old, I've dated guys in the past, have had relationships but never truly felt that any of them were the right guy for me and none of my relationships have lasted. I am truly starting to feel that I may not be the type of girl that guys want to date.
I know I am an attractive girl, I'm very smart, I have good style and take care of myself, I'm nice but I would call myself a serious person, and maybe a little reserved and guarded. I don't trust people or let them in easily and honestly in today's world I don't think that's necessarily such a bad thing. I always see people find their "right match" and I'm happy for them and sort of amazed at how it worked out for them. Cause for the past 2 years I've been single but wanting to date someone and as I've gotten older, I've learned not to just date anyone because if their not right for me it won't work out. Now I know everyone's going to say wait for it it will find you, and as much as I'd like to believe that, I have been waiting, I have put myself out there and honestly all it's been is mostly uncomfortable and forced situations, sometimes even rejection cause I find a guy I really like but then I'm not his type and it sucks for me cause I feel disappointed and sort of discouraged by the whole idea of dating. I've heard from some people that at first I come off as an unapproachable and kind of "bitchy" person but I mean I guess that's just my face.. It's really not my attitude lol. But I don't want to feel that I have to change myself or my ways or my "face" to get a date... I want to believe that there is someone who will see my not to approachable and maybe even "bitchy" face and be like okay this girls my type, this is what I like, I wanna get to know her and find out that I'm not a bitch after all lol but I'm starting to feel that maybe I do need to change somethings.. whatever it is that has kept me single and in unsuccessful relationships for all of these years.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • What is the longest relationship you've had?

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    • 2 years with someone who I had nothing in common with and all we did was argue and disagree on everything and he eventually cheated on me

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    • be WITH a wimp anymore*****

    • Hm. Interesting. I can see why you would want this and do believe it is possible, but I need to go but that is the fullest extent of my ability. Others will be wiser from here on. I have done all I can.

What Guys Said 5

  • "This, above all, to thine own self be true." - Polonius (Hamlet, Act I, Scene iii, line 564).
    You cannot change who you are. That would be to wear a mask, to tell a lie about yourself in an attempt to craft a persona that you think might be more acceptable to others. That cannot work. Anyone who dated you would see through the act to the real you and you would also grow to despise yourself.
    Be yourself. Someone must be attracted to you for who and what you are.
    I understand your pain. I am a tad older than you and I am alone. Whatever it was that women wanted when I was your age, it was not me. I was the opposite of the bad boys that most women your age gag over.
    I can tell by your post that you are more intelligent than the average lemming out there. That is a blessing, but at the same time a curse, because communicating with the lemmings can be like working in a facility for the mentally retarded. You would not want a relationship with one of them anyway, I am sure.
    I can suggest a few things that may help.
    First, read these books:
    1. The instant millionaire, by Mark Fisher (it is about how our subconscious level of self esteem causes us to make the choices that we make).
    2. How to win friends and influence people, by Dale Carnegie.
    3. People smart.
    4. Skill with people.
    After you read those, find an old-fashioned introduction agency (NOT a dating website). An agency that insists on people coming in for an interview and filling out a long personal profile. This usually weeds out the freaks and the Ted Bundy types.
    In your age range, agencies typically have five males to every female on their books. For this reason, many agencies offer free membership to young females. You are their stock in trade and they need stock to sell to lonely men. They would match you with men who, at least on paper, may be compatible.
    Worst case, you will meet a lot of men and drink a lot of coffee.

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    • I will definitely look into those books, thank you!

  • Hey dont worry... just be yourself and stop looking... even i am single at 23... even i feel what you are feeling right now :D... guys will come and go in your life but there will be one who will like you and stay with you... just be patient... and dont change yourself for anyone... they should accept you for who you are...

    my best friend has a girl friend and they have been together for 2 + years and still going strong... i feel happy for him but also sad for myself... i feel like there is no one for me... but i guess i just have to focus on myself right now and someone will come along... :D

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  • If your demeanour and how you seem doesn't match who you are inside it will be hard to attract people who would be a good match with the real you.

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    • I definitely think that my exterior is way tougher than my interior. I think that all of my past experiences dictate how I am on the outside and completely differently than how I am on the inside. On the outside I am tough and on the inside I am vulnerable. But honestly, I'd rather come off as tough and guarded on the outside than as weak and vulnerable.

    • I don't think you need to change yourself. I think you need to be more yourself.

      It's natural to build a hard shell. But it's a bad idea. You are afraid of being hurt. That's normal. But instead of focusing on the shell, focus on being stronger on the inside. Trust that you can feel joy and sorrow and cope. And the more you do the better you will be at coping.

      Being brave with your emotions is not being weak. It's true strength.

  • For me its the same, I see guys my age getting girlfriends just like "that" and here i stand, not wanting to put myself out there anymore in the fear of getting hurt "again".

    Guess i'll buy myself a dog to love.

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  • Well be grateful you've been in a relationship I'm 23 years old and always been single that's pathetic it upsets me when people whine and complain about their relationships and I can't get in one it is frustrating

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What Girls Said 1

  • You're not letting things flow as you start to nitpick what you DON'T like.

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    • Yes, that is something I've learned over the years to really get to know someone and kind of observe everything before I jump in without knowing and letting things flow like you said. Because I have been in situations before where I let things flow and then 3 months later thought "HOLY FUCKING SHIT what did I get myself into" and since this has happened to me multiple times, it's just something that I can't risk happening again.

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    • school/job/out and about/anywhere and everywhere. I'm not really a bar or club type girl so not there and I wouldn't even want a guy who's into that scene anyways, but yea basically all of the place. I just don't get male attention lol

    • Mmaybe you're abit stand offish.

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