Why am I invisible to men?

I am 23 years old, I believe I am attractive and I'm intelligent, I really don't think that I have any big issues. Maybe that I am a bit reserved and guarded but I don't believe that it's appropriate for women to be too needy or available to men anyways. I have been single for over 2 years now and would really like to start dating but I can't even get a guy to ask for my number. I must admit I'm not very good at flirting and it's something that I actually completely avoid because I just believe that it's something that "weak" women do. I always think what if I flirt with this guy and he doesn't like it and rejects me or what if I make an attempt to talk to him and he has a girlfriend and then I feel like a total idiot. So I would just rather avoid those situations and treat guys as if they are my friends/my cousins/my family. But I obviously know that this is giving off the wrong message and signals to guys, they most likely perceive me as being "unavailable", which is something I like but at the same time I don't like. I want guys to know that I am a strong and worthy person who respects herself but at the same time I want them to approach me and make me feel desired, I want to get asked out for gods sake!!! lol

How can I find a middle-ground?


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Most Helpful Guy

What Guys Said 4

  • "I can't even get a guy to ask for my number"
    Then ask for his. If he won't escalate, then you have to.

    "I just believe that it's something that "weak" women do."
    Eliminate this mindset.

    "ich is something I like but at the same time I don't like. I want guys to know that I am a strong and worthy person who respects herself but at the same time I want them to approach me and make me feel desired, I want to get asked out for gods sake"

    You have to realize you can be the one who asks guys out. In fact, as a guy I would much prefer if you were the one who asked me out.

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    • There is absolutely no way in hell i would ever ask a guy out for many reasons

      1) I am a woman. I am supposed to get approached.
      2) In my culture, women don't chase men. They get chased.
      3) Every guy I ever dated in the past or anyone that I was interested in I chased and chased and they just pushed me away, treated me like I wasn't important, I've never been one of those girls to get chased by guys and you know what it's my turn, it's my turn to feel special.

    • Your conditioning is whats hindering you to many more possibilities. Waiting for things to happen is what lands people at 9-5 jobs wasting their lives away. It's what makes people forfeit their ambitions. You have to learn to be a go-getter and channel the elements of success.

      Just because you have a pussy doesn't mean you have to be one.

    • And when I get turned down by every single guy and feel completely hopeless what happens?

  • It's very simple. You view women who flirt as "weak", and you want to remain seemingingly unavailable while being approachable.

    You don't know what you want, and men at age 23+ don't want to waste our time with a woman who can't make up her mind. Re read your post and you'll find about 5 contradictions in your own thinking. Clarify your own mind before you seem to be with another.

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  • You sound like you need a little more self esteem. Have courage to face the fears in life, approach a guy! If the response is bad, treat it as unlucky! PM me if you want further encouragement!

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    • I think the main reason why I don't like to approach guys anymore is because in the past I used to, for example up until about 2 years ago I was more outgoing and more confident and I got shut down SOO many times and that really really hurt my self-esteem! I don't ever want to feel rejected or shut down again. I dont want to feel unwanted or see the guys I like go settle down with other girls it really makes me wonder what is wrong with me?

    • Message me!

  • It's inappropriate to be "too needy and available to men?"
    wtf, what is this? I don't even..

    Welcome to what it's like being a guy. Girls don't approach us or ask us out, which forces us to make the first moves and it sucks. Girls who sit around waiting for everything to fall into place are annoying, if you would only learn to approach we could all get what we want. You need to stop thinking that's what "weak" women do. Why would that make them weak? If anything it makes a woman bold. You need to suck it up and ask someone out, because here's a secret: Guys want to be desired too and we get it much less often.

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    • so what about me? What about women? We have to be the ones to make guys feel desired now? What about me? Who's going to make me feel special?

      Because my whole life i have chased after every guy I have dated and I NEVER want to do such a thing ever again!

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    • But I believe that every person is different, I am the type of girl that doesn't take risks and I'm not naturally a bold person. I am very reserved and shy

    • If you're a shy girl who likes a shy guy then how is that supposed to play out? But being shy doesn't entitle us to anything. It just means we're going to have a harder time, especially shy guys. If you don't want to talk to people then whatever, you can do that but don't expect it to get you anywhere.

      I have social phobia, I can be literally terrified by certain social situations, making me as shy as they come. It changes nothing, if girls won't talk to me then I have to approach girls. It's not because I'm trying to conform to roles or social expectations, it's bare necessity. To say it sucks is an understatement, but them's the breaks.

What Girls Said 2

  • Maybe you don't talk to boys , stop expecting for men to approach you

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    • Have you ever approached a guy and been COMPLETELY shut down?
      Because I have, many many times its a very shitty feeling that I never want to experience again. I want to get approached

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    • You shouldn't ask questions if you aren't going to like the answer

    • okay bye. Have a nice night.

  • If you often treat guys like their your friends/family/cousins they will ignore or think that your invisible because they might not want to date or be with you because of that. But I think it would be better to ask a guys opinion on here because they might have a better answer than what I have written, and they probably know what they find attracting about a girl.

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    • I just want men to know that I am not NEEDY for them. I absolutely hate the idea of men thinking that I NEED them

    • Most potential boyfriends wouldn't like the idea of knowing you don't really need them and could be dropped in an instant. That's not attractive.

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