My guy messed up and is now ignoring me. What do I do?

I met a guy on a dating site. I was seeing him for three weeks and he seemed very interested and always wanted to be with me. Then he started acting like just a friend, When I asked him about it he said he just wanted to date and wasn't ready to settle. And by date he meant more than just me. He texted his ex in my presence and two other times where he is just not around and his texts are short or non existent and each time I have told him do not contact me unless you are interested in a relationship with just me. Each time, he has come back to start over again, and each time he goes back to the same pattern. He states I'm too pushy on what I want. Last time, I spent two days with him at his house to find evidence of other women being there as well as other (multiple) women on his cell phone that he is contacting all the time. That was three days ago. He says he wants a relationship with me but not feeling it today. His text to me today said he had a lot of yard work and things to do around the house and has to get ready for the work week, since he has to get up at 6:00 in the morning. How would you get him to decide what he wants?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • That's for him to decide, he's making excuses based on common fears of being locked down and losing his freedom and no matter what you say you won't convince him. So it's better her for you to work on yourself and become better at the things you enjoy doing so you have more to bring into the relationship if it does happen. If he sees where as you are more distant ( something guys understand) it may peak his interest as in ie. Is she seeing another guy? He may panic and come running back when he does, if this is his pattern, you have to change yours and frustrate him, keep him guessing, be less available make him want to by way of your actions chase you. It's basically creating a paradox in his mind ( internal conflict) You were in the right to state exactly what you wanted and that is not too demanding, unless he's referring to something else. When making requests of a man ask him "Would you?" men hate being told what to do, it's most common to say "Can you?" this is a demand and challenge of his competency, keep things light, let him do the work to win you. Hope this helps.

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    • We have spent Thursday and Friday and half of Saturday together and he texted me yesterday and in detail told me what he was doing and all that but when I texted him today, he made excuses and hasn't responded back when I told him if he needed help with the chores or getting ready for the week to text me. I made it neutral but sassy. So if I'm understanding you correctly, I shouldn't text him back and wait for him to text me. If he does text me, like always, either being casual or in 2-3 days, I should respond that I'm busy, or something? What I know right now, what he stated to me, he is dating and knows I'm not okay with it, but on Thursday he said he couldn't forget me and wanted to be with me. From what I understand he is speaking to and dating several women besides me.

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    • So, I should wait a couple days to text him now? He does this all the time. He won't text or call me until he wants me to go out with him and stay at his house, and then he'll be hot and heavy for a few days and then he'll be gone again. I have a feeling he has the other girl there when I'm not there. I can't be fun and flirty when he won't talk to me.

    • Next time he texts for you to come over, tell him you're busy, find something to do, night out with the girls would do you wonders. Change your pattern, so he notices, I would tell him you have other plans and tell him maybe next time. It's like fishing, you have to use the right bait to catch the right kind of fish. Even if other women are there, then let him get bored of them, when he sees you no longer need him , like you once did and are not inclined to come running when he calls he'll wonder what's up with that. If you make changes in the way you operate you remain unpredictable, and that's attractive. Just be upbeat when he calls, if there is not an opportunity to be flirty, end the call or text abruptly too especially when the energy is high, he'll want more. Good emotions produce serotonin and dopamine these can create addiction.

What Guys Said 1

  • Your wasting your time with him

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What Girls Said 3

  • You don't. You can't make him change what he wants. Or make him decide what he wants. Clearly he is not ready. Or maybe he doesn't want to be ready. Either way, he's not the person you want, need, and deserve so why would you try and change that? It's a waste of time, because only he can help himself grow. (IF he even wants to.) Sounds like he's having fun playing around and manipulating you. My advice is to stop contacting him and if he asks why you can choose to tell him he's not what you want, or you can just ignore him completely. Show him you're not on sale, you're special and you deserve someone who works to win your heart. And who wants what you want in a relationship.

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  • Sounds a lot like my friend with benefits!! Lol, he is not interested in having a relationship. He enjoys the benefits of a relationship, but not the responsibility. He is not going to stop dealing with the other women, and is trying to break you down so that you'll agree to see him while he see's everyone else too. Yes, he's been hurt by his ex... But don't forget, he hurt her too!! If you are serious, and ONLY want him to contact you when he wants a relationship... You'll have to ask him every time he contacts you, "are you ready for a relationship with me?" And if his answer is no, end the convo!! He's a con artist of the highest regard!! Lol he's not "YOUR GUY" he's every bodies guy. He's good in bed, attractive, has a good job, funny as all get out, he cuddles, he kisses foreheads, he holds hands, he wraps his legs around yours in bed, he holds you, and barely lets you move in his sleep like he's holding on for dear life!! It's all a con!! There are women in his repertoire that he's been sleeping with for 4+ years... He's not going to commit to ANY WOMAN, because the one he did commit to left him high and dry, and he's sensitive, and wouldn't survive such a let down again. 3 weeks isn't a long time!! Love him like he is (like I am doing) or simply walk away. Good Luck!!

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  • I would move on.

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