He's afraid of hurting me again so he wants to take it slow?

I have an ex from when I was a teenager that I recently began seeing again. He is a completely different person than he was. Since it's been a couple months I brought up the let's talk about where we are talk. He told me he isn't sure since he is dealing with issues from past relationships and while open to the idea of a serious relationship wants to be sure before he commits.
I told him I didn't plan on doing anything to hurt him and he told me he isn't so scared of that but of hurting me like he did in the past as he couldn't deal with hurting me again. We decided to just leave things where they are and I am fine with that. But the question is, could he be serious or is he just trying to keep me around till he figures out if he really wants me?


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What Girls Said 1

  • @while open to the idea of a serious relationship wants to be sure before he commits.

    @is he just trying to keep me around till he figures out if he really wants me?

    Whats the 'difference'?

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    • Well no, he wants to be sure he isn't going to hurt me before he commits. I just wonder if this is a line guys use.

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    • you want to be with him right? you're wanting to be with him is not his decision its yours. if you want to try he has to decide if he wants not if its a good idea bc you might get hurt. (often thats code for 'im not interested', but maybe if i dont find anyone else..) . if he's interested then all he can do is try. no one can promise more. and if he's not intersted he should let you know so you can move on, its common courtesy.

      in my opinion you already want him. i dont think trying and not working out is gong to hurt more than waiting around indefinitely while he 'decides only to find he's not interested.

      plus this is setting up a bad precedent. he's trying to keep control by being the on who decides. hell decide if its happening hell decide if its ending hell decide how fast or slow it goes. i dont trust it.

      its not ncessarily duplicitous, hecould just be not too bright. but itsnot off to a goodstrt,

    • you need to assert what you want in there and see if he's on the same page as you.

      instead of waiting for him to decide what page he wants to read. or see if he's just going to close the book.

      YOU are responsible for yourself and your feelings not him. he needs a better excuse then he can't bear to hurt you. bc what does he think dragging things out while he's basically deciding if you are worth it or not, makes you feel.

      he can't control how yo fel but he can control how he treats you and atm i think he's not treating you with respect.

      but if you are ok with how things are then go with it. i just see problems in his logic and the way he's not -really- being above board. or maybe he's just a very confused individual. either way dont let him waste your time.

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