I'm 14 & Dating A 20 Year Old, Thoughts?

Any thoughts on this? Just want to know everyone's opinion.

Updates:
He can get a girl his own age for everyone saying he can't. He's told me that he's NEVER dated a 14 year old, and this is his first time. For those saying he only wants me. for sex he doesn't. He had PLENTY of opportunities to have sex with me in which he declined all of those opportunities.
I've already told him plenty of times he can go with older girls if he wants to but he tells me "i only want you."

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's so funny how everyone says he's "taking advantage of her" and she's "naive". Like we treat her as if she has no mental capacity and that he's casting magical spells and slipping her potions. When I was 14 I knew full well what I was doing I understood right and wrong, good and bad. y'all putting this all on the guy but let me ask you this: What does a 14 year old girl want with a grown man? She obviously is one of many girls her age who's not even attracted to boys. Nobody is tricking anybody, plenty of young girls are attracted to men, she knows fully well what she's doing.

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    • No, a girl her age does not truly understand, at 16 I'd say 70% of people boys and girls know what the other sex is truly thinking and at that point a person can no longer be taken advantage of what is happening here is a little girl is looking at the "Bright Lights" of the life of a 20 year old and she wants to be a part of it so she's wasting her time with this dude. Also the thing that's more important here is why in the fuck would a 20 year old want anything to do with a 14 year old? This dude is a loser if he was somewhat cool or popular or had a good job he wouldn't be wasting his time with a little girl this dude is an absolute loser.

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    • Well, jail's just a place for those choices she's making

    • Hi sweetie, I know it's hard to be in your shoes right now. But please listen to everybody here! We may not really know you, but we DO care about fellow humans and we know how it feels to get hurt. I know you're a very smart girl, and sometimes smart people make stupid decisions. You're just 14 though; you should be having fun with your friends and enjoying your hobbies. Your brain is still just a baby; I'm not saying that to be mean. It won't be fully mature until you're 25; I'm 28 and still do dumb stuff sometimes! Lol. I know how it hurts to get played. I can totally understand why you didn't tell your parents, but I'm also relieved that you at least felt comfortable talking here. PLEASE be careful! And (I'm not saying he will) if he ever does ANYTHING that makes you get a red flag (that is, question his motive) tell somebody. We'd all like to help you. :)

What Guys Said 49

  • ...

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    That's probably illegal where you're from.

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  • Ok listen. I see that you're asking a question yet u disagree with everyone who tells u something u don't wanna hear. Why even ask then? If you're gonna date a 20 year old, we can't stop you. We're trying to say that there's something fishy about this guy. A normal guy his age wouldn't date u. It's illegal first of all, and disgusting. You may think you're mature. And u very well could be, but not for an adult to connect with mentally. He's either REALLY immature or just sweet talking you to eventually give it up to him. You're 14 sweetheart. There's a lot of things u haven't experienced yet. U can't see through lies that more experienced guys will tell u. But whatever. Do what u wanna do. Just don't be surprised when shit hits the fan. He's in for a world of legal trouble if someone wants to let the police know.

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    • Best answer along with Stacey's

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    • Excuse but he's a guy of course he knows how guys are. They sweet talk you and can easily get in yours pants you just have to be careful and listen to the words. Just because you are 14 doesn't mean you are ready to go above and beyond and date someone who is 6 years older than you. He's either immature or just wants to take advantage of you. You think you know everything you, are only 14. Trust me I'm 18, and I would never date someone who is 6 years older than me. He could sweet talk you into having sex with him. You end up having a baby, then what? You have a lot to learn my friend. When I was 14, I watched movies with my friends, and listened to music and stuff. Dating some 20 year old was not on my mind at the time. The only thing guys want from you girls that are around your age and are teenagers is nothing but sex. I understand you probably don't want to hear that but that's really all that want. If you would just listen the advice that these people are trying to give

    • you then maybe you would understand. But I guess you want to do it your way.

  • Whether or not you choose to listen to any of us who have actually lived, and for some of us, actually SEEN this, he IS A PREDATOR. He may have declined sex, but think on this. Could he be trying to simply gain your trust to make it easier? So that your young, naive, impressionable mind can be put to ease that it is not wrong? This situation is not only immoral, but it is ILLEGAL. Think of the consequences. He will go to prison, and you, you will be scarred when you realize what has happened. He doesn't love you. He doesn't want you for any good. Kid, when my daughter is your age, and she tries some shit like this? Dude will be dead and I'll switch the shit out of her. Trust that. You may think you're mature and grown, but you're simply showing how immature and childish you really are by stating that. We ALL thought we were smarter than the rest at that age. We ALL thought we knew it all. Trust me. You don't. You'll look back on this, and you WILL regret it. Just take a second, logical, educated look at the situation. How would your parents feel about this? Let me guess. "They know, and they're totally cool with it!" Right?

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  • My thought is that he is a pedo! There is no good reason a 20 year old guy that will make it okay to date a 14 year old girl...

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  • Your a kid and don't know better.

    shame on him. If you have done anything sexual he should be put away for rape. he has no reason to be with you in any way. You are light years apart emotionally and physically. It is just a bad idea. and what kind of "man" dates a 14 yr old? who is older then 15? that is just bad in so many ways..

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  • Are you 14 or 18 to 24?

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  • *Sets down book of laws*

    "That's completely fine!"

    Wait. No. Wait, it's only illegal if you do it.

    Yeah, there we go. Just don't have sex!

    For four more years.

    Break it to him gently.

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  • That is very sick, very sick indeed.

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  • I have been attracted to girls that young before. But its because they look like adults - wide hips, and such. Or, because they are really mature for their age. I was very grown up when I was you, so its certainly possible that age has no affect on the relationship. If he is pushing for sex or something, its time to take notice, and consider that as a warning sign. A sign that he might just 'get off' on young girls. But if he actually enjoys you as a person, then God bless, and good luck. And he is brave, and must really care for you to risk going to jail and being labeled a child molester for the rest of his life. Or, if the love is true, you two should wait until the law isn't such an issue. This sucks for both of you.

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  • If he kisses you, or touches you in any manner that could be considered sexual, charges could be filed for statutory rape

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  • uh-oh... sounds illegal to me

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  • why the fuck does a 20 year old want anything to do with a girl who is a freshman in high school.

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  • Give my regards to Mr. Pedophile. Best of luck to the both of you.

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  • Sounds creepy, I mean a 14 year old dating a 20 year old. Why can't you find a guy who is your own age?

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  • I misread. Thought you said you were 20 dating a 14 year old. The answer is the same. He's a pedophile. If you were 17 then ok. But 14 is too young to be dating someone his age

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  • 1. That's illegal
    2. He might be pimp
    3. Just by your profile you seem more (18 to 24) ish years old.

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  • Statutory rape.

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  • If a lot of people are commenting and telling you it's a bad decision, I would listen to them lol. I am 17 and I even see this lol. I am pretty mature for my age and I understand this. It's time to wake up and smell the coffee. Don't you see some of these people have seen and maybe even experienced this? Just because your young, it doesn't entitle you to make stupid mistakes. You CLEARLY know it's wrong. You don't even want to tell your parents because they will rant, because they are right. Your not even done with high school and this guy is nearly done with college. Your just gonna get yourself hurt and regret it. What's with the girls in my generation. Smh

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  • If he can wait 3 years for sex then go for it, if he can't it's statutory rape he's the adult you could be shaking your bare ass in his face and he STILL knows better.

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  • Says your 18.
    You better be trollin

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  • The problem is one of emotional maturity. You're not old enough to date a 20 year old, even if you're not having sex with him. Think of it this way. Would you tell your dad about this? If not, that's an indication that you know it's wrong.

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  • your going to regret this when your older. no one can call it off but you. i know if feels good to be wanted especially since he's your first but this just doesn't look good at all. looks like shit smells like shit its probably doodoo

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  • Umm why couldn't.. you... date someone... that is...14 or...15?

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  • Age of consent is 16 minimum... At least in the States and really a 20 yr old? That's a 6 year difference and you're not even 18 when you are 20 you start to think about life and the future what are you going to do when he wants to settle down also you have 4years left of high school who know what is going to happen and who you're going to meet who he is going to meet also the fact that you had to ask this question shows that you have doubt in your mind and a small part of you knows your wrong

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  • That's just way too young honey.

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  • Didn't you just ask this the other day? You are a minor and he may be charged for something like this, I don't know how you think but most, if not all, teenagers in your age still don't have their mind set and still exploring everything around them, your preferences may change when you get older. I advise you to still communicate but not "date" until you are 18 or so. My parents are 8 years apart; accepted age difference between couples differs from one community to the other.

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  • Im torn. Like humans have been doing this forever but now we made up a new age group called adolescence. I think your parents should be informed

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  • Girl get the heck out of that relationship it's inky going to do you harm

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  • I believe love is blind :)...
    (but make sure he's not a pedo)* lol

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What Girls Said 63

  • I'm all for age differences because I've always had partners way older than me.
    The only time I ever disagree with them is now...
    because you are a child and he is an adult.
    It would be a different story if you were 20 and he was 26.

    When you're a teen... the age difference seems twice as much larger than it really is because
    of maturity level.
    Legally what he is doing isn't right and he could be locked up for it.
    I'm sure if you told your parents this... they would disagree.

    If he wants to risk his freedom for an underage girl...
    then that's the choice he's making that can cost him his future.

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  • I think it's really stupid of both of you, but more on his part cuz he's an adult. But if you're as mature as you think you are, then take your share of responsibility in this dumbass decision.

    It's really pathetic and disturbing of him to get a girl fresh out of (or still in) puberty. He may tell you he can get older girls, but obviously not if he's being a predator with you. Let me tell you some advice Chikorita. When guys that age date stupid young girls, they 99% of the time are looking for sex. Sure, maybe he has declined many opportunities before, but he probably still has an ulterior motive. Predators like him sometimes like the chase, and waiting for it longer makes them feel more accomplished. Then he'll dump you after he's used you a couple or more times.

    Think about it. This man is old enough to buy cigarettes almost old enough to buy beer, yet you still need a fucking adult to see an R rated movie.
    This man is old enough to vote, yet you still need to ask permission to use the bathroom?
    You both are in complete different stages in your life.

    Be a KID!! Why rush into dating? If you do, at least do it with a guy your age. Why rush to grow up?
    Sure, you may think you're "cool" or "in love" or "mature" for dating an older guy, but you aren't. Sweetie, this is the one of the dumbest shits you can ever do. How do I know? So many of my friends were young and dumb like you. Dating 20+ yr olds at 12, 13, 14. My 16yr old friend was even dating a 40yr old man. Guess what? They lost their virginities to these men, and like half of them turned out to be married, engaged, or in a serious relationship already! The other half just were used for sex.
    I know you think you're so mature, but trust me, you're not. Teens are generally dumbasses. Of all the teens I've encountered, maybe like a handful were actually mature for their age. And you know what they were doing? Focusing on their studies! Not dating pedophiles. I'm just telling you this is a bad idea,

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  • That's extremely disturbing. One is essentially still a child and the other is an adult. I would question his motives because I can't think of any reason a 20 year old man would want to be with a 14 year old.

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  • No ! That's pathetic and lame on his part and makes him a pedophile

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    • Not a pedophile. She has most certainly gone through puperty

  • You trolling or nah? LOLing
    Thoughts: Dats some bull & illegal, stop that child, stay in your lane!

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  • An honest opinion, don't go through his relationship. You may be very mature for your age, but you also should realize that you don't have your youth forever. Invest your time in school and friends, people and things that will positively shape your life and won't break your heart.

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    • she's spot on. And he will get arrested. You have plenty of time to think about relationships later. But what you do now can define the rest of your life. No preasure...

  • Don't worry about it!

    I started dating a guy who was almost 10 years older than me when I just turned 16. The relationship lasted for around 10 months, I knew he wasn't with me to take advantage and that he was perfectly capable of being with a girl his own age. I trusted him to the point where I lost my virginity to him after around 8 months of dating.

    It's all about maturity. I've always acted a little older than I really am and he was very young at heart. The world isn't as hostile as everyone makes it out to be, not every guy is a pervert or paedophile!

    Take age out of the equation for a minute. If he loves you for you and you're secure with him, that's the best thing ever. You need to be cautious with whoever you let into your life, whether they're your age or older. So stay alert and do what feels right to you.

    Also, don't stress. People will be against it. I had to deal with the same kind of disapproval, rumours and bullying. As long as you're happy, that's all that matters :)

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  • Dafaq
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    one your to young
    second you lied on your profile
    third its illegal
    and fourth and finally dafaq?

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  • i0.kym-cdn.com/.../not.jpg

    //////////////////////////////////////////

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  • Whatever you do, do not let him convince you that you two are going to run off and get married. Teenagers struggle with recognizing reality. And this is very true whether you want to belive it or not. I learned about this in my psychology class the different stages of human brain development. And also I was a teenager once and I can honestly say that I was dumb when I was a teenager.

    Also if you have sex with him and someone finds out, like your parents, they can easily put that guy in jail becasue sex with a minor is against the law and considered rape. Even If you want to have sex with him, the law says its rape and once you are labeled a sex offender, you are stuck with it for the rest of your life. So if you really care about this guy, then i would suggest you not ruin his life becasue for sure you wouldn't want to marry a guy with a fucked up life who can't even get a decent job becasue employers dont like to hire sex offenders and people with criminal backgrounds.

    Im telling you this becasue If I told you to just break it off with him all together then Im sure you wouldn't do it and you wouldn't want to listen to anyone else who is telling you to break it off with him because that is how the teenage mind works. So if you are gonna continue your relationship with him then i suggest you be educated of the consequences and keep your eyes open at all times so that you can look out for them.

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  • that's disgusting on his part. you should break up with him. i'm sorry but that's 1 illegal 2 pedophilia 3 disgusting and 4 disrespectful! no MAN should go after a YOUNG GIRL. it's so wrong for so many reasons. do yourself a favor and get out!

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  • You are toooooooo young to be dating a 20 year old. At your level of age you should not be in a serious relationship with someone that much older than you. Honestly you should be dating guys that are high school level. You should end this. He may not be taking advantage of you or having sex with you but when that time comes, it will not be socially acceptable. Now, if he's willing to wait the few years until no one can say anything about it, then by all means, but you are too young for this type of committed relationship. I should know I may not have the same timeline as you, but at 19 I was engaged and it honestly was the worst thing that I could have done to myself at that age. I don't know your situation, but honestly, I think he should be more mature than that and know better. He should be patient and wait for you to come of age.

    He is the adult here and should honestly break this off because even if you are not having sex and just cuddling and kissing, then that in itself can get him locked up. It is considered molestation, even if you initiate. For his safety and for him to not face jail time over loving you, you should break things off.

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  • A 6 year age difference is nothing. My best relationship was a 13year age difference.

    Now that being said it's just wrong for a 14 and 20 year old. Honestly what do you have in common?
    He should be getting his life together and have a job and or going to school. Going out and partying and your 14 you should be focused on school and spending time with your friends (seriously nothing to do with your question but spend as much time as possible with friends. Seriously you grow up and have no time for them)

    Your at two different places in your life. Plus it's kind of pervy. No offense your still a child.

    I don't understand it. I can barely stand people my age. But 18 year olds stupidity and immaturity pisses me off so the factor that your 14 and he's 20 makes no sense, I don't care how mature you think you are your not that mature. It's creppy and you'll probably end up with a large shrink bill from it

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  • If you're in the USA then a FACT is that's it's fucking illegal and my OPINION is that that's gross and he's a loser if he has to prey on girls that young.
    ALSO you're most likely a troll since it says your is 18-24 but on this anon question you're claiming to be 14. Why didn't you just make you're under 18 on your profile? Hmm? Right, gtfo.

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    • why the fuck would I say I'm under 18? Most of the questions I asked when I first registered got deleted due to my age so i might as well lie. Don't like it? Get over it.

    • Haha if you're flamed by my opinion then why the fuck are you asking for "thoughts" on a forum site? You obviously asked this question just to stir shit up. You already know dating older guys as a minor is straight up stupid/illegal and you already know the majority of people placing their opinion on here won't support that. But you posted it anyway because you're bored and a TROLL.
      But if you really are 14 then I suggest you log off of the computer, pick up a book and let your parents get you with the belt once they find out about the dumb shit you've being doing.

    • I'm definitely not going to read that essay , you're not getting picked as MHO , so bye.

  • I have always dated older men.

    At 16 I was dating a 32 year old man
    and the list goes on...

    Your personal happiness is all that matters.

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  • please break it off, I BEG U. I'm 16 and I've been with someone who was 19 and even that is not good. first of all he's 20. he's going to want sex. your 14 most likely just started high school, you have a whole life ahead of you to meet someone closer to your age and respects you. i guarantee you that this man of yours does not care at all. he's most likely with you for his own benefit of which ever it may be. and he declined those opportunies because he's 20 and he's knows that your not going to want it so early. so he going to wait a while if he has to. but once he gets frustrated he will come at you. ur also to young to be on birth control. its so unneeded at your age. there are tons of girls his age. and u have so much time to find someone else. I've been in so many experiences and usually you tend to focus on what u want and not want you need. young teenage girls just want to experience things and feel loved and mature. but really when you wait for the right person you'll be happy u didn't waste or sacrifice anything for a man that may not want anything to do with u in the long run

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  • You guys are in love. It happens age is not much of a deal. In medieval times this would be considered appropriate and you will likely get married. So I don't see what big fuss is about. Its just a relationship and every relationship is different in its make up, which is only to be expected when were all unique individuals.

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    • thank you!!

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    • In older times women were also forced to marry their rapists. Aren't we glad that times and people have become more intelligent and are progressing? :)

    • Oh and you would be quite upset with the availability of make up in those times :P

  • Yo!! This reminds me of a Law&Order episode!!!

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  • I was in the same situation when I was younger.. He was 23 and I was 15.. I thought I knew everything and he was the 'one' but I assure you, he was far from it.

    Think of it this way, I am 19 myself turning 20 in February and imagining myself with a 14 year old boy sickens me. 20 years old, you have finished school and become an adult.. Why chase kids?

    As for you, you are still a child. You still have a hell of a lot to learn in life and been with someone who is 6 years older then you is going to push you to grow up faster then you should.

    Live your life, you still have plenty of time to find the 'ONE' xx

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  • This is just really, really, really disturbing.

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  • http://www.rookiemag.com/2013/01/older-men/

    I know it's long. But read this article in full. It pretty much sums up my thoughts about what I feel you should know and what you should probably be wary of if you choose to continue this relationship.

    :)

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  • If you want to date some 20 year old then that's on you. But I think that's kind of big of an age difference, but I'm sure you don't. I don't see why a 14 year old would be with a 20 year old. You are a teenage and he is an adult, why the heck would you date some 20 year old? Stick to high school, and stick to books and homework. He could get in a lot of trouble. But I mean if that's what you want to do, that's on you. He's going to want sex from you, you know that of course you just don't want to hear it. And he could get in a lot of trouble. Stick to books, and hanging out with friends. He could use you and you wouldn't even know it all is possible. You are still a kid, and have a lot of learning to do of course. That guy could trick you into going on a date, put you in a car, cover your mouth and rape you in the care. Things like that happen, you say you know better, do you really? Your going to regret whatever you do with him, and its going to come back and haunt you for life.

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  • he will and can go to prison for that its illegal you are 14 ur hormones are all crazy you are still learning to love yourself the reason you might be with him is because he tells you he loves you makes you feel speacial because quote"he wants you" that is one of the oldest lines in the books ur 14 you will have time later to date older guy for now concetrate on school crush on guys your age if he trully cares for you he will wait till you are 18 a little more mature and in ur 5 sences to know who you are and what you trully want but for now stay away it will only cause u and him trouble and pain

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  • I wouldn't look at it any differently than any other relationship, go about it you normally would dating anyone else. The only time I would be cautious is if you do have sex, because admitting to that can get him arrested and charged as a sex offender, even if you consented to it. Other than that, I'm glad you found someone that cares about you, and I wish the both of you the best of luck!

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  • Your boyfriends a child molester and I hope some how your parent figure this out

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  • Ew, and where the hell are you from? Pretty sure this is extremely illegal almost Everywhere. There's a reason girls your age are called "jailbait".

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  • Honestly People have been doing this forever it's nothing new. When I was your age I talked to guys wayyyyy older than me still to this day cause that's what I liked at that age I knew what I was doing. I think you have to slow down cause men are tricky they will mind control and confuse u when they are older than u he could get himself in trouble sucks to say cause the age gap I mean what do your parents think do they know? people will look at it as a horrible thing etc I mean slow down all the way down don't rush but it happens shit like shit is so normal now. I don't know a case of weird love but it's nothing new... cause shit like this was happening when I was younger

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  • If you're dismissive of those who don't agree with this, due to how young you currently are- then why ask? Of course it's not ok, as you're 14 years old. You shouldn't be giving him opportunities to have sex with you, let alone spend time with you. If, in 10 years you met someone who was 6 years older- and you got along, that would be different. At this point in life, you're still a kid- you should spend your time figuring out who you are. If I were your mother...

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  • Your bf is a pedo

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