Is pursuing a guy always a turn off?

hello hello

all the dating articles point out that a man will only value a woman if he has to pursue her. is it always the same?

I told a guy I liked him but he told me that I should find a better man because he isn't good enough for me. He also told me that I couldn' t possibly like him, that I only want him because I'm feeling lonely. He once told me that it wasn't possible for him to love anymore.

Does this mean he isn't into me and he's just trying to politely reject me? Or does he feel bad about himself?

However, when we bump into each other (we sometimes go out in the same places), I catch his eye staring at me from a distance, and sometimes he comes by, gives me a hug or a kiss on the cheeks, a tender touch on my hair and disappears in 30 seconds.

A mutual friend told me his ex gf left him for his best friend, so he might not in a good place emotionally?

My question for you guys: do you think it would be a good idea to ask him out on a proper date, or will I just come out as needy and push him away? I just want him to give it ONE shot, and if he doesn't like it, I won't be asking anymore. Is there anything I could do to spark his interest or should I just back off completely? Maybe being around as a friend, making a nice gesture or a simple present would show him that I really care about him, or it will make me look desperate? What do you guys think?

Updates:
thank you all for answering. turns out he is currently seeing someone...

I still appreciate the time you took to answer my question!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Only an insecure and psychologically immature man would be anything other than delighted if a woman made the approach.
    My suggestion would be to ask him on a date. You have nothing to lose.
    It is possible that he is in a lot of pain as a result of his former girlfriend, hence his statement that he believed that it was not possible for him to love anyone.
    That happens.
    Thirty-five years ago my first girlfriend broke my heart in a way that would make a great soap opera script idea. What she did was truly evil. I did not realise that a person could be in that much pain and not die. A few months later, when I reassembled the pieces of my mind, I found that the folder titled 'romantic love' had been deleted from the operating system. To the best of my knowledge, I am no longer capable of that.
    The fellow in whom you are interested may need time, but, as I said, there is nothing to lose by asking.
    As you grow older you will find that women on the high side of 35 do the asking often, because by that stage most men have been rejected, hurt and screwed over so many times that they become reluctant to make an approach. They expect rejection, because it has happened a few hundred or thousand times before, so they do not make a move.
    Women in my age range make their interest plain, but as soon as they do the pain of every failed relationship and every rejection throughout my life grips me as though it was a giant hand and I am unable to respond.

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    • thank you so much for your comment. I am really sorry that you have been through such a hard time, some people can be so horribly cruel :(

      so are you saying that you never really got to love again, or you just wouldn't left feelings go too deep? it sounds scary to hurt the way you did, but didn't you find anyone else to give you hope and gain your trust again?

    • @Asker no trust, no hope and I have been unable to love again. I am dead inside. Until I was past the age of 30 not many women were interested, so there was little opportunity to love again.

    • you story is heartbreaking, I really don't know what to say. thought love should be about beautiful feelings...

What Guys Said 8

  • He means what he says
    and if a girl chases a man
    lol we go even more nuts for her
    we love being wanted, if you read then you would know what ego and super ego is so basically every man who has a blown super ego will go gaga when a girl comes after him

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    • I think I'm kinda scared that I will only briefly boost his ego, but I'll read more on the superego topic, thank you for sharing your opinion

    • lol i meant the psych ego not the ego ego
      lol psych ego boost is good
      the ego ego which you are reffering too is bad

  • pursing a guy is always a turnon, how could you possibly think guys dont like girls pursing them. bizarre. the guy seems like a melodramatic loser though, i sure there are better guys for you.

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    • wow, thank you guys for your replies, I'm kinda amazed, maybe because us girls are always told that men like to be the pursuers?

  • i actually are not interested in girls that want to be pursued xD

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    • so you don't feel like you want the girl that you chose to be like a prize, to put effort in pursuing her and being rewarded with her presence? :)

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    • sorry to hear about that, hope you really find a better one ;)

    • not much of a choice there :D i hope it doesn´t mean the same for you.

  • Women pursuing men is a turn on.

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  • I prefer agressive women.. so it's never a turn off unless she is a stalker... lol

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    • I am a bit of a stalker, but he doesn't know it so it doesn't count, right? :) thank you for your thoughts

  • Nope never.

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  • It sounds like that guy has serious self-esteem issues. As for pursuing a guy it really depends on how far they take it. Some women take it too far and act like a stalker. Other times it is very flattering to be pursued.

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    • thank you for the input. do you mean that if a guy has low self esteem, he wouldn't believe that a girl likes him? something like feeling that he doesn't deserve it?

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    • honestly I don't think he doesn't believe I like him, I think he might not like me enough to want to date me... this is pretty much why I opened this topic, to find out if you guys think this is a subtle way of telling me he doesn't like me...

    • If he isn't interested in you then it has nothing to do with you asking him out. You just wouldn't be his type. It is perfectly fine to approach a man.

  • "do you think it would be a good idea to ask him out on a proper date, or will I just come out as needy and push him away?", do it.

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    • thank you, I will. Thank you for the confidence boost :)

What Girls Said 1

  • it sounds like he's into you but afraid of getting hurt again. try to become friends first. spend some real time getting to know one another. then he'll start to trust you.

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    • thank you for your thoughts. I would really like to get to know him better, hope he'll accept my friendship

    • you're welcome!

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