I am a 28 classy but attractive girl, educated, with a stable job, I have a nice circle of friends who appreciate me, I listen to music, go to concerts, to the theater, read books and I would say I am fun to be around.
My whole life I haven’t had a decent boyfriend.
The first guy I dated - on and off for 3 years, he never made it official and left me for another girl. 2nd one cheated, 3rd one broke up via text after a few dates, and so on. I had a 2 years relationship with a guy that finally left his job and started gambling (he was 30 years old, I was 25).
I really dream that a nice man, with a stable job, with passions, would ask me out on a proper date, but this never seems to happen. Sometimes a friend would say that X or Y (nice guys) like me, but they never ask me out. Instead, I get invitations by married men, divorced men, jobless men all the time.
Last year I met this handsome doctor (my age). He had a girlfriend that he treated like a princess, and looking at them I couldn’t help but wonder if I’ll ever find a nice man like him to treat me so well. I met him again this year and he was single. I told him he seems charismatic and that I would like to know him better. He then invited me to a party where I didn’t know anyone and he completely ignored me for a few hours. His friend starter to talk to me, so out of the blue he came and grabbed my hand and took me to his room where he wanted to just undress me, without even trying to kiss me. The same prince charming that would turn the world upside down for his girlfriend last year, would only push for sex with me without the slightest interest in having small talk… I don’t sleep around, don't have this reputation...
I just don’t understand… Previously I just assumed I didn’t get lucky enough to meet decent men, but this experience really makes me wonder what in my behavior screams ”dear men, I deserve to be treated badly?”. What should I do to find a decent guy who appreciates me and respects me?
Most Helpful Guy
"What in my behavior makes men think I deserve to be treated poorly?"
The answer is: YOUR behavior.
You don't behave like someone who has enough self-esteem and self-worth that you would refuse to put up with such treatment for even 10 seconds. Instead, you've put up with it, for YEARS in some cases. All you are doing is communicating to others that you aren't "worth" being treated well, because you don't INSIST on it when you're in a relationship. If YOU don't think highly enough of yourself to walk away from a guy who treats you that way, then no one else will think any higher of you either.
How you behave with someone from the very beginning is how they will always see you, so you need to stop caring so much about other people's opinions of you and start acting like YOU MATTER, and demand that others around you treat you like you matter. They don't need to treat you like a queen or anything, but they need to treat you like a human being, and if they don't, you need to call them out on it, IMMEDIATELY, and EVERY TIME. You'll quickly find that, once they realize that YOU value yourself, they'll value you more too.5
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