Help! What would you call our "relationship"?

I am really confused right now. I have been dating this guy for a couple of months now and I really don't know what we are. We hit it off right away, talked for hours the first time we met and kept in contact ever since. A while ago, he told me he "liked liked" me. Later he told me I was the best thing that happend to him in a really long time. His last girlfriend broke up with him quite a while ago, and since then he has been an emotional wrack. He even tried to kill himself. I think he told himself he doesn't want to be hurt again, so he keeps pushing his potential feelings for me aside. Because although he considers himself to be single, we do a lot of couple stuff. We spent the weekends together and it's not just about sex ( we do a lot of activities together), he always pays for me, I spent a lot of time talking to his mother, once she made pancakes and told me all about his childhood, he gives me flowers and we still talk about everything. We also text every day. But sometimes he will fall into a deep crisis and then he doesn't even want to see me. This is really exhausting and confusing for me, because I know what he says but it conflicts with the way he acts. So, what do you guys think?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • There are several things that may be going on - first I don't think he is playing games with you because he had you meet his mother. At first, when you said he tried to kill himself, I thought that might have been bull, but the mother meeting makes me think twice. Having said that, it seems he has some emotional or psychological issues that you do not know about. Has he ever said he is bipolar, or if he has some other problem? My brother was bipolar and he was like that, and I know several people with bipolar disorder. They often tell very big lies so much they may even get to the point where they themselves believe the lies!
    Anyway, I think, if you want this relationship to progress, you need to find out more about him. Ask him if he has any issues like biploar, or ask his mother. He may have it and not know it. Write down his oddities in as much detail as possible and check them against medical sites. Please note - you can't play doctor here, but at least if you see a lot of issues that point in a direction, you can back away before you get burned. Anyone I know who married someone who was bipolar had a very difficult marriage.
    Feel free to write me directly if you wish.

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    • I don't know if he's bipolar, but I do believe he needs professional help. I study psychology himself and he definitly has trust issuses, he has a psychosomatic stomach pain and at times he is very depressed. Sadly, although he takes a great interest in psychology himself, he does not believe that therapy could help him. Instead, he tries to fix himself. I think my generally positive attitude and my patience is good for him, he even said so himself, however it is quite difficult for me to deal with his bad moods.

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    • I know. But that is much easier said then done. And I think I'm already in it.

    • it is never easy, but you are young - you will learn how to do this. When I was younger I had an extremely hard time moving on. My first long-term girl friend and I broke up and I held on to those feelings for a year - even though I was away at school. OVer the next few years I was hurt again, and had a tough time, but, eventually, I got to the point where I could move right on. It actually surprised me. I was going out with a woman who was very much my "type" and I was thinking of marrying her. Well, one day she walked into my apartment and said she needed "space." Well, I said, OK, turned away and walked away. A week later she called and said that I was being a jerk. I told her that I was just giving her space. Well, we went out once, but it was not the same. A year later she called me up and said she was coking through my are and wanted to meet. WEll, we had dinner and she said that she "made a mistake" by letting me go. By that time I had found a wonderful woman.

What Guys Said 1

  • Sounds like "crap".

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What Girls Said 2

  • Is called a situationship. Get the hell out of it! Been there, done that sweetie! Tell him how you feel and what you want and if his wants and feelings don't match with yours, move on to someone who's will! I'm not saying he's not interested, but just tell him. It's really exhausting wondering, and waiting around! Don't give him an ultamative

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    • Is called a situationship. Get the hell out of it! Been there, done that sweetie! Tell him how you feel and what you want and if his wants and feelings don't match with yours, move on to someone who's will! I'm not saying he's not interested, but just tell him. It's really exhausting wondering, and waiting around! Don't give him an ultimatum, just tell him what you did us, see what he says and make your decision based on your knowledge of the situation. And if he says he wants to be with you, tell him that his actions don't match his words.. best of luck hun!!

    • I'm pretty sure he doesn't know how he Fels about me. He misses me and he gets into a bad mood when I leave, Bit he would never admit that. I nice asked him how he feels about me and he said something like: I like you as more then a friend and I am attracted to you. I like spending time with you, even without the sex it would still be fun, but I don't love you. And shortly after that he pointed out that being friends with benefits is against his principles. And I thought: would you make your mind up already!!

    • That wishy washy stuff is for the birds. Tell him what you want and if he can't give that to you move on, because waiting around isn't going to change his mind, I don't care what kind of mental state he's in.. I've been on both side of that fence, waiting and being the one waited on bc i was as he said "crazy as shit" bc i would flip flop with my feelings. In honesty is was bs, i knew what I wanted and it was to have my cake and eat it too, i was just too inconsiderate at the time to admit it.. I don't do that now, I say what I mean and feel.

  • He seems pretty serious about you. However, his bad experience is like a nightmare. I think you should give him some space about that. And be there for him. That is good relationship should be.

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    • I really want to be there for him, the problem he, he won't let me. He isolates himself. It's pretty frustating.

    • Give him enough time until he will be ready to let's you in.

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