Should I change and be a bitch?

So recently i read this blog where a girl mention the differences between the good girl and the "bitch".

How she explained that good girls are the ones that tend to be the needy ones and want to please the guy all the time and the bitch is the one who stand up for herself.
I somewhat related to the good girl.

I am 22 and I've never had a boyfriend so whenever i date someone or talk to a guy for a long period of time i tend to kind of forgett myself and stop caring after myself but instead i want to please him and want to make him like me more. . and I've realized that it only drives him away from me. Am i right?

Because the last guy i dated, he was so into me and we had a great time always and he told me the reason he liked me was because i was easy to talk to and confident and cute and funny. But the moment i started to show him that i care, like i made us dinner with candles on Valentine's day.. after that date he pulled away and didn't talk to me as much, leaving me to think what did i do wrong.

I mean i "manned" up and asked him because i wasn't going to let him treat me that way.. and he said he wasn't looking for anything serious because he doesn't have the time and i some what understand and i didn't make a big deal out of it even thought i was really hurt.. but i just kept it calm and polite and said i respect his decission and we decided to remain as friends because he said i was a cool girl.. by the way he didn't live in my town at that time but he does now and when he moved to my town he wanted to meet me and we had a grea time but nothing more than that.

I mean i dont think i should totally be a mean girl and be angry and bitter and be a bitch. But im very independant and i have my focus on things but i think i shouldn't put all my focus on the next guy i date because once he is out of my life ill be broken again. Is that the way it works? Am i weak because im a good girl'?


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Most Helpful Guy

What Guys Said 5

  • I wasn't going to say this, but I will anyway.

    "Should I change be a bitch?"

    Only if you want to get fucked like one.

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  • You can be assertive and confident without being a bitch. A bitch is cruel, selfish and spiteful.

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  • Don't change, don't become a bitch (not like you can just change your personality that easily) and forget any lame dating advice that says guys like bitches and they like girls that play hard to get.

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  • You got too romantic on him. lol Good girls are awesome!!! I have no desire for bad girls, all girls can be bad in bed anyway. You can still care about a guy and show that and still be strong and stand up for yourself.

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  • You should just be yourself. I thought that was the universal standard.

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    • I know but in my case, dating that guy, was that what drove him away?

    • You didn't do anything wrong. What really drove him away we'll never know. He was probably honest in saying he didn't think he had the time for a serious relationship.

      Being yourself wasn't the reason. Personally I like good girls over the bad bitch. Not as a safety net either.

      Sorry you got hurt when you tried to be more intimate but that's the risk of it. You can't let one bad experience change you or ruin other relationships.

      Life's a pile of good things and bad. The good pile never softens up the bad. But like wise the bad never taints the good.

What Girls Said 2

  • I agree with meatballs21. You can be the nice girl AND stand up for yourself. Being a nice girl doesn't mean you're a doormat and let people walk over you. Being assertive, telling people what the deal is in a nice and thoughtful way isn't being a bitch. Being a bitch is... well, being a bitch. Being selfish, not caring about other people's feelings, treating them bad, ... that's being a bitch and that will attract the wrong type of guy.

    I'm not the best person to give advice on this matter since I'm single for a while (if that has anything to do with it, haha) but my advice would be to just be yourself. It's not your fault that guy wasn't looking for anything serious, it's not because you made him dinner or did something romantic that this ended, it ended because he wasn't looking for anything serious and this didn't match your expectations.

    Just be yourself. Go out if you like going out, have a good time, meet new people and if the right person comes along (ah yes, I'm one of those silly girls who still believes in the right person) he won't back out after dinner. But don't expect too much too soon, though. Some people think they're officially together after two dates, others need two months or longer. Take your time, and if the guy is someone you'd like to date, you can match your "rythm" of dating. I hope this makes somewhat sense.

    This is just my advice, it doesn't mean it's the best thing to do.

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    • I agree! I just at times get a bit insecure and i struggle because now a days i feel like there is so much focus on being perfect. Like the instagram pictures that are all shallow etc. I dont have instagram because i dont want to be defined by my looks , i want a guy to see that im "real" authentic.. and i feel like those guys dont exist anymore. Like all the want is a bad girl who they can sleep with and use but what about the ones who do want to aim for the real one? Am i rammbling? sorry :p

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    • Did he tell you he wasn't on Tinder anymore? If not, he didn't lie to you. He can still be on tinder to meet new people, but five dates is a very good start already. Just see what happens, be your lovely self and don't focus on what guys will think of you, focus on being the best YOU you can be.

    • I mean five dates is good enough to know you like someone right? He did tell me he liked me on our last date and how it sucked that we didn't get to meet often.. But its funny how he "ran" away.. i know that i was like oh shit im developing feelings for him and that scared me too.. but i mean i can't do anything with it now xD

  • No girl, you dont have to be a bitch. The problem is you're putting all this energy into him and making him like you. Instead you should take all that energy and put it into yourself. As in pampering yourself, hanging out with your friends and not making it all about him. You have to still make him chase you. Dont break up with any of your future bfs but definitely do not put all your efforts into them. Be yourself and dont try hard to make him like (not implying that you have been trying hard) but yeah 😄 i hope this helped

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    • Thanks. But is that why he didn't date me anymore because i was being to "good"? and he didn't want anything serious.. like did he see me as a person who he could get in a real relationship with?

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