Why should the guy pay for the dinner?

I don't understand why there is this preconception in a lot of countries that the guy has a responsibility to pay for the dinner and the movie, or what ever the day might involve, and some girls get offended if the restaurant wasn't expensive or if the guy didn't pay. For me, it is a weird mindset to expect someone else to pay for you.

Thoughts about that? You guys who pays on dates, why do you do it? The girls who let the guys pay, why do you do that?

I seriously don't understand, so please explain :)


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Best relationship I ever had we both paid for the things WE wanted to do. If I wanted to go out I had to pay and vise verse no matter if it was dinner or a movie. If it was something we both wanted we paid for our selves. Of course we had the "I want to take you out for you" moments to. Honestly it was the fairest relationship I ever had not that the others where ever that bad.

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What Guys Said 43

  • The reason for this TRADITION is because it reflected the reality of the last thousand years (at least), where men earned most or all of the income, and women worked inside the home (her parents', then her husband's). This was normal for most of recorded history, but it started changing in the 60s, not only because of social pressures, but because technology and a vastly increased standard of living allowed for it to be POSSIBLE, really for the first time on a large scale.

    When such major social changes happen in a very short amount of time, what tends to happen is that people, even though they are aware of those changes, and may live the changes themselves, when it comes time to teach their own children, they tend to continue to teach what they themselves were taught, without adjusting their teachings to the new reality. We see the same issues with marriage and virginity - people used to marry much, MUCH younger (15 for women, 17 for men, on average), and we still teach rules and social expectations based on those social standards, even though we all know those standards are MUCH different today.

    This is VERY confusing for the younger generations, who didn't experience the changes as they were occurring (in this case, mostly in the 60's and early 70's), so from their perspective, things have "always been this way", yet they are taught things that don't match their reality, and so they have very unrealistic and out-of-touch expectations of others.

    Sweden has been able to push these social changes through their society much more quickly, as Sweden is much more homogeneous and has had fewer OTHER social issues to deal with. Most Western countries are taking much longer to adjust to these changes, and people are STILL teaching standards that haven't existed since the early 60's.

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    • Yes, and sweedish men aren't backward Neanderthals like America men

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    • Voted that comment BEFORE his came

    • I think it's called a "figure of speech", but thank you for your insightful and informative comment.

  • I think if a guy asks a girl out, he should pay for the date. Especially the first one. After that you can get into a routine/equalized thing.

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  • From the old days, being pregnant = can only work around the house, birth, nurse & raise kids, therefore the guy w/o THESE talents/equipment must hunt/gather... like the nesting bird males... and provide for family prosperity. Thus it follows that while courting, the guy projects his ability to provide similar as she projects those nesting talents mimicking their abilities to make it work life long.

    Times have changed, it's easy to agree with your point of view.
    Also afoot is the rejection of past male/shark expectations of immediate sexual compensation for monies paid out, not so much the family concept.

    I wonder if some guys ironically feel more lust for a gal that pays for both, a romantic evening out? I do! (sorry)

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  • I sometimes wanna pay to show her that I appreciate her, like a gift, you know, or if it's the first date, for courtesy. But I expect the girl to at least offer to pay half the bill, I would be really pissed off if she didn't do anything, especially since she knows I'm a student and that I can't work (due to my type of Visa), I'm actually doing an effort to pay for your meal too.
    If we're in a relationship, we will either split the bill every time, or one day I pay, the next she pays. I think it's what's fair to do. I don't want a girl who wants me to pay for every meal, I call those girls gold-diggers.

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  • It's specifically a tradition handed down from noblemen to show wealth and economic stability during courtship so that marital contracts would be signed. The male who is to be married to the female who is to be paid for with dowry would show goodwill during these functions and conventions by paying for everything. Because it was a sign of wealth it sort of stuck and you have a greater sense of that residual behavior in countries with caste systems, hierarchies, and strong roots in those cultural lineages.

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    • That is how it started, yes, but that way of thinking is outdated - still it is expected. I find it strange and unfair for the males.

    • Traditions such as this take time to change and considering it's only been under fire for the duration of your lifetime the change is still being made. As the old guard dies things will shift as they always do.

  • Both people should attend the event with the notion that they will pay their own half, and the person who invited the other should be the one to offer to pay the other half if they feel inclined to do so.

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  • I would only want to split it. If she expected me to pay it would be the last date I ever have with her. I like to have things equal and paying for our own meals seems the best to me

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  • Personnally I advocate a system of "whoever asked, pays for the first date". Then you either go alternating or split the bill... whatever causes the lease hassel and discomfort.

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  • the guy SHOULDN'T pay. both should pay their own basically

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  • Well I mean if the relationship goes anywhere, then Wassherface is gonna give BIRTH (As I'm sure you know)

    So paying for dinners on dates is sorta... Payback (?)

    But I think the real reason why this happens, is because men are typically portrayed in our consciousness as the one with the job. And women stay home and tend to the kids. And blablabla sexism blablabla kinda makes sense though blablablaBLAH

    But now a days, both women AND mans's have jobs. So there isn't really much to support us still using that tradition.

    (I know it was a joke but) It really is kinda sexist.

    You could say it's because the man is the one who has to make the first move... But that's also kinda sexist...

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  • Once upon a time, it demonstrated provider traits. It said, "Hey, I think well of you, I'm willing to treat you well."

    But, women don't need that anymore. They have tons of government programs and blah blah blah, etc. Now they earn more degrees than men. So instead of wanting provider traits, they want a sexy guy. So why should any guy spend money on a girl anymore?

    That's why so many guys love coffee dates, even though it's a pathetic gesture compared to dinner dates of time past. Hell, I try to come up with dates for under $5, because I hate spending money on girls when I don't know if I'll get anything back. But hey, women are fine with it and reward it, so we men do it.

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  • because the invited the girl
    if she wants to pay she needs to invite him

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    • Why can't just everyone pay for themselves?

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    • It is probably a cultural thing, where I come from we always pay for our selves, and if someone invites you to their home it is in good manner to bring something to the hosts.

    • its the same here lol we consider it RUDE to go empty handed
      but on the paying part well its mostly because woman don't earn in my part of the world (we are seeing more and more woman join the work force but its going to take a decade more to have a significant amount of them) and the second reason is that we usually expect the host to pay, though we do practice dutch system when its friends

  • PLEASE DATE ME! no but seriously, I think it has to do with a cultural thing. we're born to the idea that men are superior and women are inferior. women need extra support from a strong healthy man (i do not agree, but this is the majority). it's so ingrained into your mindset that if we don't pay for you, it'll feel like we are inferior and we aren't playing the roles we set to play. like i said, complete bs.

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  • Men usually lean toward high paying career paths than women do, so men generally provide for the eventual kids you would have together for the most part. It's sort of showing the woman that you are financially secure enough to provide for her.

    It goes back to prehistoric times. Men used to hunt and bring food for women and children. This is just a much more toned down, modern version of men showing you they can provide.

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  • It's nice for SOMEONE to pay for the first date at least. And a guy always wants to feel generous, and it's become generally accepted that he should. After the first date you can figure out splitting the bill.
    You ask why he should, but wouldn't you be a little put off if he didn't at least offer?

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    • No, not at all. I am used to pay for myself and I would never expect him to pay for anything for me.

  • I believe whom ever asked the other on a date, should expect to pay... however it's always nice to go 50-50 or the such ^_^

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  • Its only logical for the one that makes the offer to pay for it, its like doing a favor. but if you both want to go, then its kind of not like a favor anymore but a joint effort venture, in which case i think its fair to split 50/50. guess its complicated, though personally, i prefer to split, and i don't mind if she insist on paying for things neither. not that i'm being cheap, but she's offering to do a favor and it'd be kind of rude to turn her down i think.

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  • For me its tradition but also it show that i can support u and take cafe of u and a family if the relationship last long and most guys make more than girls usally even though today is diffrent also the person asking out should pay and make us guys feel good that we help u have a good time.

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  • Its just what a gentleman does, its the way I was raised, plus I'm just to kind for my own good according to what people tell me.

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  • Go Dutch. Each pays for their own... I used to date a lot and found that when I paid for her on the first date it was the last date. Lots of girls date for free perks so I NEVER pay for a her on first dates anymore. Only desperate suckers do the paying for everything type deal. If you really like me pay for yourself and work for a freebee a few weeks after we've been seeing each other regularly.

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  • I go duth every time. We brh pay for each others company, if she doesn't see it like that then I won't waste tome or money on trash like that.

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    • Yes, I don't think the man should be obligated to pay just because he is a man - that is sexist

    • It is, and entertwines with the double standard of our society...

    • Exactly, and that is what bugs me.

  • I have no idea. But since my hard earned tax money goes to pay for all their grant and welfare benefits, I think the woman should pay for everything. I mean, it's really all my money anyway, she just hot her communist president sugar daddy to realicate the funds. But it either goes to me or the federal reserve bank in the end.

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  • Men buy all the stuff when dating. Women/family of the bride pay for the wedding. Naturally we date to find a everlasting mate.

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  • In some countries it even considers as a MUST for the guy to pay and if he doesn't, then the society will gossip negatively on him. This happens in Greece for example. It may sound stupid but it's true

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  • This is A very old fashioned concept that has become the standered ever since. It used to be that what ever the guy ordered told the girl what the price range was that the guy could afford to pay fore. So the girl always waited for the guy to order first so she dident over spend his money. Or she would just order the exact same thing he did to be pelite.

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  • Guy simply wants a good impression towards you. Imagine your first date. The check comes. "Girl, you'd better grab that check, cuz my hands ain't goin near it." Instant breakup

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  • I always pay, it's just simpler like that. It's not even a gender thing, I do the same for business dinners, especially if I arranged the meeting.
    I do find it endearing when a girl tries to pay and have had fun "fighting" over the check many times. It shows that she isn't just there for the free meal, and likely would be a better life partner.

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  • the girl and the guy need to agree to pay together or one every other date. in my last relationship, I paid for almost everything in it. witch is 99%. I would recommend 50/50 not 99/1.

    she wanted to much, broke school policy, cheated on me, asked me questions she all ready knew the answer too, and faked a pregnancy. so I quit seeing her.

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  • I really don't care. I offer to pay because I was raised that way. But honestly, I can not for the life of me defend the practice.

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  • Rule of thumb: My first date the bill is always split. Preferably I'd go for a walk in the park or something so we don't have to pay for something.

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What Girls Said 32

  • They shouldn't. There's no reason forit.

    They insist on it bc it make them feel in control of the situation

    entitled to sex.

    an excuse to demand power in the relationship.

    something to complain about.

    Lots of gus complain about paying but they don't like women who pay.

    It's up to you to decide for yrself how things work in any relationship you're in. Then you find someone who is
    On the same page. Or rather reject anyone who isn't.

    A lot of people have certain views b let them go when they think it'll conflict with getting a partner. Rationalization being that's just how it is. But really it's Bc they want someone immediately and many people don't think for themselves spots easiEr to find people that follow rather than find people who are logical.

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    • The traditional reasons were bad enough. But doing something bc someone used to do it is just another way of saying I don't feel like thinking and I don't care why I do what I do.

      There are a lot of things traditionally done that would be considered quite inhumane by today's standards. Tradition is not an excuse. We develop and evolve for a reason. Bc things are always worse than they could be and we can always improve.

    • don't you want men who have power in bed?

  • I have been raised with a very conservative family, so I have been taught that the guy should pay for dinner, so whenever I go out on a date, I almost expect the guy to pay. I will offer to show courtesy, but realistically I hope the guy will say no and will pay. If you think about it actually makes sense for the guy to pay because whenever someone asks someone out for a meal whether it be just friends even the person who asked for the meal is the one who should be paying at least in the business world. If the girl was to ask the guy out then the girl should expect to pay for both. Sometimes the guy will offer to pay for both because he feels like he should have asked the girl out instead. Basically what it comes down to is who asked who out.

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  • I think whoever asked out, should assume responsibility of paying. BUT it'd be nice for the other to still try to pay their share.
    Neither of my exes were too fond of the idea of me paying. My recent ex did let me pay once in a while, but he always felt emasculated by that. I told him I enjoyed his company and I was the one who invited, so I should pay. But he didn't seem to agree. Not even when I suggested we go 50/50. He was raised traditionally and taught that "men provide".

    I guess it's tradition :/

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  • I have been on a handful or two of dates... and I tend to pay most of the time. In fact, the only times I didn't pay was when I was in high school and didn't have a job, and when I asked if a guy could pay because I paid the last four times. I think it's stupid to assume that if a man doesn't spend money on you that he is less of a suitable mate: woman, the economy sucks, if anything, at least split the bill if it's an issue. But honestly, most of the time I pay for this exact reason: guys deserve a break.

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  • It is something I expect on the first few dates. If a guy is in a tough financial situation, I would be fine with grabbing coffee or doing something affordable. I don't care how much it costs but I expect him to pay. I also expect doors to be opened for me. It shows effort and consideration to the girl. If the dating is going well, then we can go dutch (split the bill)
    However, I never come unprepared to pay and I always offer, genuinely as to not be presumptuous. But, if the guy let's me pay, it will probably be our last date.
    I think it's important to include, that I make good money myself and it's less about the money and more about the gesture and what it says about the guy.

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    • What does it say about the guy?

    • Like I said above, it shows effort and consideration. It also shows that he is serious about dating me

  • Well I think at the beginning it's nice for a guy to pay for dinner remember he's the one courting you... and. Plus just to be a gentleman then in time you guys can take turns maybe you pay one day and then he does next time... but doesn't a girl likes the feeling of being courted? I do.

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  • Wonder if it didn't come from the time most women didn't work, the man paying was a demonstration that he had the financial means to support a wife?

    Agreed, not every date should be paid for by the guy, if I want to treat my guy to something special like dinner and a movie I wouldn't mind paying for it. Especially a special occasion like a birthday or something like that.

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    • You are probably right, that it comes from the woman not wring. But that way of thinking is out dated, most women work and could pay for their own things.

    • That line of thinking probably went out with the 50's and 60's when more and more women began working outside their homes. It probably isn't an appropriate attitude for today though.

      I treat my fiancé a lot of times it makes me feel good when he's all set to pay and I beat him to it. Although as we near getting married our financial separation is becoming a little bit blurred as it begins merging into one community fund. I don't mind that either. I know of couples who divide up the bills and pay from their paycheck and the remainder is theirs to spend as they wish. That is pretty much an extension of the who pays on a date ideology to me. I'd rather just share everything together.

  • Its a cultural thing about beig a gentleman. Like opening the car door. Girks shouldn't expect it or ask for it but when guys do it, he's just being a gentleman. Girls shouldn't get offended ir mad, but take note of it and it means how respectful he is. If a man doeant do it... ehhh he's not bad. But ALWAYS look for a gentleman. Dont expect it, but if he does, thank him, treat him nicely, and show him how grateful you are for him treating you.

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  • I like when a man pays, part of my tradition. That's how I was raised so used to it I guess. The definition of a gentlemen, and open the door and pull the girls chair before sitting. I noticed all the women my age prefer this, the you get girls want to pay, he he different generation, different times:)

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  • I think since woman have to give birth - that the guy should sacrifice more than the woman in the relationship in other ways to compensate for this inequality of pregnancy, birth and vulnerability. Also the loss of virginity is painful.

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    • You can't aim for gender equality if you keep bringing up how special your vagina is -_-

  • He shouldn't. I always split the bill. We're past that I think. :)

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  • Traditionally its showing the guy can bring home the bacon. I generally shout anyone coffee or lunch because its a nice thing to do. But when its the first date with a man it is ideal for me if he pays because it shows he is reliable and he cares. If circumstances are different I can pay for my own food, at the end of the day its the date that really matters!.

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  • Because there's this mindset that women are shallow whores and will only go on dates and kiss a man if he buys her stuff. F*cking ridiculous right? I got so pissed when a girl at my school said a benefit of dating was that your boyfriend buys all your meals for life.

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    • Because people are stupid:) If a guy wants to pay for my dinner on a date sure! But if he only pays for me because I'm a girl and he thinks that I'm not capable of doing it myself or he wouldn't do it for a man or let me pay for him, THEN he's sexist. (Same thing goes for girls).

  • I totally agree that everyone should pay for themselves. That being said I think the first date should be paid by the inviter, so whoever asked the other whether that's male or female. Just cause it shows that the other is desired or you're interested but it's not necessary

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  • i don't get attracted to guys who doesn't offer to pay on a first date. come on, u have to show some interest or make her feel special and desired. Later on when u r closer, especially if u r students u can alternate or pay 50-50.
    If the man is established and has a good paying job then he should pay on outings, that doesn't mean that sometimes she will be inviting him or getting him gifts.
    A man who pays for u is always viewed as a gentleman and more respectful ( to me at least)

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  • I think it's just a tradition. It started because the girls couldn't get jobs and they had to save money for a dowry. Nowadays most movies and books say that for it to be a date "the guy has to have a plan and has to pay". or at least the person standing as the male

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  • Its been stated before but usually the guy asks the girl out...

    It'd be kinda shitty for the guy to expect the girl to pay if HE asked HER out... but in the same regard she should at LEAST offer. To show that she's willing to help out when she can.

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  • I believe in going Dutch. Then afterwards, it doesn't matter. We could alternate dates for all I care.
    In the South, don't guys take huge offense to girls paying though?

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  • Whoever asks who to dinner should pay in my opinion, that just usually happens to be the guy that asks. Which I'm not sure why guys usually ask and why girls don't usually ask

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  • I don't want to be dependent on any man ever.
    I don't like it when they buy me things
    And pay for me
    I can do that myself
    And my dad can do it for me
    XP
    Plus when I'm older
    I'll get a job
    So why the f would I let a man pay for me
    SOME woman just don't make sense

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  • I think that of the guys wants to spend time with you and take you to different places that he should be the one to pay. Also think about it, he likes you enough to buy stuff for you and pay for you. I take it as a compliment. :)

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    • But it could go the other way around. You want to spend time with him as well, so in that case shouldn't you pay?

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    • Ofc, if he wants to pay, he can pay - I am more against the preconception that the guy HAS to pay :)

    • Well I don't agree that he has to pay but if he wants to let him

  • Me i like going dutch when i'm on a date with a guy that way i am contributing to the date that way. I will let the guy pay on the first date though but after that it's dutch all the way for me.

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  • Both people should

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  • If one time my boyfriend pays then i pay the next time because it's not his job to pay for me

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  • I always let the guy pay because its tradition xxx

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  • That's how old oeople think. In today's generation, no one believes that

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  • Because girls all know deep down they are all prostitutes and they don't want to feel sex. Men pay for women even if they are in a committed relationship

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  • Guys should always pay on The first date. After that iT shouldn't matter anymore.
    I hate girls who thinks men should always pay for everything. When my bf asked me out to see a movie he most of time pay The tickets, i then pay for the food, and the other way around.

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  • Because a Man should be responsible. Part of this is to pay for drinks or dinner. It'not like you are asking him to pay for your 100 dollars ring.
    This is how things are in my culture.
    I dumped a guy who I did not really like once he asked me to pay, after a long introduction
    of being in a hard financial time.

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    • I think that's unfair to the man. What if he was having a hard financial time as well?

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    • @JackieGraves - I couldn't agree more

    • Personally, I fought for nothing:)

      I am not a feminist.

      Likewise, men should not cook. It's women's job.

  • Well in most cases its the guy that ask the girl to dinner, You can't ask her to dinner and expect her to pay for it. Also I think guys will feel bad if you did try to pay because of their ego and all that. But if a girl ask a guy out then she should pay.

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    • "Also I think guys will feel bad if you did try to pay..."

      I wouldn't, it shows that she actually wants to see me rather than just wanting free food/drinks.

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