Getting over anxiety in a relationship?

I had a really bad relationship, I found out that the guy had been seeing multiple other girls the entire time we were together. Funnily enough we aren't together anymore.

I'm in a new relationship- about 3 months and it's going good. This new guy hasn't given me any reasons to think that he's seeing other people or to be fair... hasn't really done anything wrong at all.

But sometimes I suffer from anxiety and I can be a little insecure in relationships now because of the previous mess. I haven't really said anything to this new guy about it yet. I'll talk to my friends about it and the anxiety will hit and the fact that he hasn't texted me turns into "Well I guess he doesn't like me" or something else equally as bad.. I don't say anything to him about it because I know it's just my brain being nuts.

So I guess I'm asking... how do I get over this anxiety or the insecurities without driving him and potentially my friends away?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Your mind just has to realise that this is a new relationship and he needs to be given a chance. He's your boyfriend so obviously has strong feelings for you, therefore if he hasn't texted he's just busy or working and it's nothing personal :)

    I had the same problem as you at the start and this video helped! YouTube. com/watch? v=GWKza4wRO80

    good luck x

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What Guys Said 1

  • Here's the thing... you need to understand that not all guys out there are like tht. Have the mindset that you will worry about it if it happens. Just take it one day at a time and enjoy your life and your relationship for what it's worth right now. Don't let this bad negative vibes hinder what could be something great. Be strong and control your emotions.
    Good luck!

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What Girls Said 4

  • Hello dear,

    I think it's quite important that you actually open up to your man about this matter. There is no denying that you are actually suffering from this - and if you keep it in it will only get worse! Just be sure that when you talk to him about it, you relay the information calmly and collectively, without making accusations on his part OR beating around the bush (because that tends to freak people out too). Keep it short, simple, and sweet.

    You may open up to your friends about this, ESPECIALLY if you do not know how to tell him about this.

    If you haven't talked to him about it yet, you should let him know what happened to you in the past, and that the experience had scarred you. The person who comes into your life to take on the role as the one who is supposed to love you, should understand that if it's not your first time, it may well be possible that you are carrying emotional baggage.

    Understanding more about your anxiety can also really help you! Remember that it is something that you can experience to different extents. I suffer from it when I run up and down two flights of stairs, three to four times, just to check if both the locks on my door are shut. On a more serious note, it also affects my relationship, namely whenever I feel a low in my self esteem. After that, my mind begins to drift into a mental nightmare that could potentially drown me in thoughts I don't want to have! It's exactly like being in a dead current - in the sense that you have to swim to the side of the pull instead of fighting it. If you keep fighting it, it will only get worse.

    I think the best advice I can give you, is to live in the now - and as easy as it sounds, it is actually quite difficult. If you really want to get over this, you will have to make a conscious effort on your part to do so. You won't drive away your friends if you ask them to help pull you out of this hole you are in, but remember that everyone has a reservoir of patience and can eventually stop giving help if you try to pull them in with you.

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  • We all get insecure and anxious in relationships, especially if we've been hurt in the past. However, you shouldn't let the past define you or your behaviour. Tell yourself that you won't allow your ex boyfriend to control your future and the fate of your current relationship, because otherwise, that's what he's doing if you let your emotions take control.

    I understand why you wouldn't want to tell your current partner but if he has any respect for you, he'd be fine with knowing that you get paranoid sometimes. Explain why you're this way, that you try to control it and you apologise if ever you lose that control occasionally. You're a couple and couples work together as a team to support and work together so I would suggest you tell him how you feel. I don't believe this will affect your friendships in any way.

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  • why are you in a relationship in the first place if you are assuming he will be the same as your past relationships

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  • You need to talk to them about it and tell them that you suffer from anxiety from previous events in your life. If they care about you, they will understand and support you. I lost the love of my life to suicide which caused a lot of mental illness problems for me. Depression, anxiety, even PTSD. I lost a lot of fake friends. But now the people in my life are solid and I know I can count on them. The guy I'm seeing also understands and helps me when I'm having a tough time. Just be honest with them hun.

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    • I'm sorry to hear about your experience. Wholeheartedly agree with you on this.

      Sometimes it takes experiences like this in order for you to truly understand who your real friends are.

      :)

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