Girls, would you consider remaining friends with someone you dated and hooked up with?

If you hooked up with a guy who you had been dating for about a month, and you both liked each other and knew a lot about each other. You knew he wanted a relationship but you realize you are not ready for a serious relationship after you hook up. Would you consider remaining friends with this guy if he wanted too? If he doesn't want to lose you from his life, and is willing to remain your friend (with benefits or not) would you consider that needy and pathetic or would you appreciate that and consider it?

I realize it might not work for everyone to remain friends with someone youve slept with and have some feelings for you, since its a complicated issue, but would you think the guy was pathetic for asking to be your friend to remain in your life?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I defiantly would and have before. If you can't have someone as a love, there's no reason why you shouldn't be able to have them as a friend. Especially if both of you get over it and move on (if one of you still has feelings for the other though, its really hard)

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    • I agree, if I care about the person i hooked up with but she is not ready to be in a relationship, i would rather keep her in my life in some way. Of course if she hooked up with other guys without any feelings involved after, i would feel bothered by it but hopefully i wouldn't know about it anyway. And i would hook up with other girls.
      And i wouldn't expect her to want to date me again once she decides she is ready for a relationship. But if i didn't find anyone else before she is ready i would be happy if she still wanted me.

      But this can get very complicated so i can understand why many are afraid to do it. Especially if you haven't known the person you hooked up with for a long time, so dont really know how he will handle it. Still i think its best to give it a try at least if you really care about the guy.

What Girls Said 4

  • I would still try to be friends. Especially if we were good friends before the sex. But things could get tricky quickly. Especially if his feelings continue to grow. I feel like someone could possibly end up getting hurt. Or on a brighter note, she could realize that she has more intense feelings for him than she thought and they could end up together after all. I don't think that's pathetic on his part though. I think it's pretty sweet actually. It's usually reverse.

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    • Yeah, im mainly referring to a situation where they werent friends before they started dating though which might make it more difficult. Since most people act a lot different among friends than you do with people you have slept with i guess. Im pretty sure i was cut off in this situation when i made the offer. She had spoken about the potential of a relationship but she was very nervous. After we had sex she told me she wasn't ready, and i could tell by her body language. she had a past serious relationship a year ago which ended when her boyfriend stopped caring about her so she broke up with him. He was into drugs too. So it makes sense she wasn't ready i guess. But she tried to cut me off as fast as possible afterwards, i didn't get to speak to her on the phone once afterwards and she ignored my question about remaining friends or in touch. Eventually she apologized for her behaviour and said goodbye basically, and that i was a good guy.

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    • Well I can only speak for myself. I go off words and actions. They need to match. I wouldn't play games or lead anyone on because I don't want it done to me. I don't know why she acted and reacted the way she did but it seems like she maybe just wanted to have sex. I could be wrong. Don't sweat it. You seem cool so you shouldn't have a problem bouncing back. Just make sure the next person is 100% on the same page as you!

    • Yeah you're definitely right about her not knowing what she wanted. Its obvious to myself that she first looked for just sex but since we connected so well she considered having more with me, but she was probably aware she might not be ready to try and start something serious considering her breakup a year ago. So it was never going to work because of the timing when we met..
      The lesson I've learned here is that i need to realize that many women aren't going to trust you in the early stages, so i have to make sure my actions reflect my words. In this case though i dont really understand what she had to be afraid of. Whats so scary about a guy showing appreciation for a girl who already knew he really liked her? In the end she has control of everything but her own feelings, a guy cannot force a relationship onto a girl. And i told her to do what is best for her so i dont see why she would be afraid of hurting me either.
      Thank you for the insight, i appreciate it

  • I'd remain friends, yes. If I thought you were a genuinely nice person with good intentions, why not?

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    • I figured it might be difficult for some people to hang around a person as a friend who they have had sex with, also you knowing the guy has feelings for you, you might be afraid of hurting him. But i assume you would give it a try since you said yes.

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    • If he made it clear he had no expectations, and that he just wanted to keep you in his life somehow. Would that be a good enough reason to give it a chance?

    • Yes, I'd give it a chance :)

  • Absolutely!

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  • No, I would not.

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    • Whats your reason? because it would be to complicated?

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    • I told her to do what is best for her, and she asked: but what about you? I didn't realize at the time she probably thought she couldnt see me anymore when she said that. I responded: Il handle it. And she said: Im gonna cry.. and put her face into the bedsheet. I didn't get why she was so sad then, i just said, im happy if i get to see you again. and she seemed very hesitant but agreed. she was like... mm okey..(took a couple seconds for her to answer). I just assumed we could continue seeing each other since she told me on the phone if we dont connect as well on the date as we did on the phone we could remain friends with benefits. But we did connect well on the date. But she knew i wanted more and it would probably be difficult for her to hang around with me. Maybe she would get feelings herself if she met me again. i don't know.

    • But she didn't dare to talk to me on the phone at all after our date and she got cold in her text messages when i tried to reach her. Since i didn't really understand what was going to happen when she said she wasn't ready, and i wanted a full explanation but i didn't want to push her, so i tried to casually get her on the phone but she made up excuses at 4 different occassions why she couldnt talk. She eventually told me i scared her away since i gave her a small gift on our date. Right before she left. It was just a pretty but cheap souvenir stone i bought abroad. I presented it to her as a joke and told her she could think of me when she looks at it. Then i quickly said i was messing around and that she could keep it wherever she wanted. So it might have been unfitting, im pretty sure she blamed it on the stone when she just wanted to get away

      and while we hadn't discussed it deeply before, she avoided answering my question if i could keep in touch with her or be her friend.

What Guys Said 0

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