Choosing gfs grad over mine (his sister)?

I graduated college today and my 26 year old brother didn't go because his gf of 4 years also graduated today. I was really hurt that he chose his gfs grad over his own sister that he has known his whole life. I talked to him about it and he was like well I have with Katie for 4 years and she is very important to me and she is family to me after this amount of time I am going to marry her. He said he didn't get the big deal since they been together so long. He said he could understand if we only been together like a year but they been together so long he didn't see why I would be hurt. I don't know I was just raised that when you ate stuck between two obligations family comes first since you known them your whole life. He also said well I spend most of my time with her and I'm closer with her (which to be fair is true) but still I'm his sister his blood I will always be there they can break up. Am I overreacting or would you guys be hurt by that?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I know what you're saying, but at the end of the day, this must have been a very difficult decision to come to for him. In a way, it's easier to miss the family things, because family will forgive more and family will be there forever regardless of if you miss their big days.
    If you'd been with a guy 4 years, imagine how you'd feel if he missed your graduation.. It would hurt just as much.
    I was raised like you- family comes first, but at the same time, I realized, as we all grow up family need each other less.
    When I was 10 I needed my siblings, as an adult I'm self reliant and we all have our own lives which means we can't all be there for every single event. Sucks, but it happens. I see most old siblings doing like that to, most over say 24/25 are like that because they all have their own shit going on or whatever.

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    • You're right and to be fair to my brother he did say he was closer to her and spent more time with her so it would make sense to go to the person's event that you feel closer to. Putting myself in her shoes if I was dating a guy for 4 years and he missed my grad to go to a sister's graduation when he was a lot closer to me and planned on marrying me I would feel hurt too. So I am going to cut him some slack.

    • And in a way, it means you guys have a nice relationship. Knowing each other will always be there, even if he does something you don't like. It's nice to see that in siblings, because it doesn't always happen.

What Guys Said 1

  • Yeah, I agree it kinda sucks, but he he probably thinks you'll be more understanding (because he's known you his whole life). Because you're his sister, he thinks you'll love him no matter what. Hurting his girl friend this bad, on the other hand, could put their whole relationship at risk.

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    • I never thought of it that way before. He prolly has make his relationship with his gf work since she could break up with him if he does something she doesn't like where as I will always be his sister and nothing can change that. Thanks for giving me a different perspective!

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    • Just curious what would you say if the roles were reversed and he chose to go to mine and his gf posted that she was hurt? Just wondering if your response would be the same

    • Ooooh, good question! Q: BF is going to his sister's grad instead of mine. WTF?
      A: the fact that he is going to hers over yours likely wasn't even entirely his decision. His family probably has strong feelings about, as it is a very important day for them. His relationship with his sister has been life long, and he doesn't want to risk that. Not that he wants to risk or harm what he has with you. He probably can tell that you guys are stable enough and that you will understand his family obligations.

What Girls Said 1

  • I would be sad. Our parents raised us yo be together in good and not good situations. He his choice. Sorry!

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    • Do you think his gf has a right to get mad if he chose mine over hers? Why or why not?

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    • I talked to my brother about it and he was like well after 4 years she isn't exactly a new gf she is family to me and I am 26 over time a SO is going to start having a more important role in my life and I plan on marrying her. He said he could understand my hurt if they have been dating like only a year but they have been together so long he doesn't understand why I'm so hurt. He said that he spends most of his free time with her and they are closer why wouldn't he choose the person he is closer too. (that is true they are closer) I told him because you guys could break up I will always be your sister. My friends and family think I'm being over sensitive and that I should expect him to choose her since he is going to marry her. What is your response to what he said back to me?

    • To add my brother also said he doesn't understand the idea of having to rank the importance of people in your life. He said his gf plays a different role in his life then me and our parents play a different role then I play and his gf plays. Why does one have to be more important than the other why can't they all just play different roles. I see his point in what he is saying.

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