Family of origin coming before fiancée?

My fiancee even though we are engaged still always puts his family of origin wants and needs first. How should I approach him when I talk to him in saying that my wants and needs should come first more often now that we are engaged?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Girls come and go but parents and brothers and sisters dont

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    • Yes family is important but once you get older you are supposed to start a family with your SO and your priorities shift in terms of whose needs come first. You can have kids with a SO you can't have kids with parents and siblings. Once you are looking to settle down with someone I believe their wants needs and desires should come first. I'm not saying forget about your family of origin but that if you want to have a successful marriage/ long term relationship then you have to be willing to put in 100% to that commitment. I don't know about you but I don't want to marry a guy if I am going to take a backseat to the needs of his original family all the time. Maybe partners come and go because they aren't put first maybe if they were made more of a priority more often the relationship would last. Just a thought.

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    • How am I selfish* how exactly does being a normal adult who starts a life by settling down with their partner split up a family? Last time I checked your partner becomes your family. in my opinion it is more selfish to expect your family to always put you first and not allow your family member to grow up and prioritize their partner.

    • Also did I not say that I'm not saying that you can never put your family first or that you forget about them? How is that selfish if me? Please elaborate.

What Guys Said 2

  • You are becoming his family and his lifelong partner. If he does not see it this way, then yes, you have some talking to do.

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  • Are the two of you living together?

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    • Not yet.

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    • Because to break off an engagement you don't have to go to court.

    • I agree with all of the things you have said don't get me wrong when I was engaged to my wife I put her first and I still put her first. However clearly your man doesn't see that and I feel as if it may take marriage for him to figure that out. Then again that is a big if and I'm just trying to give you all the possible scenarios I can to best help you to decide what to do

What Girls Said 2

  • If I dated a guy. Our families need to get along, I also want to be part of his family also. Maybe try involving yourself more into the family and maybe he'll see you are becoming family tto, so he should treat you equally. What kind of needs? You should come first in certain situations. He should respect you and your needs too. Now that you are engaged you too have to share a life together. So make sure he knows to include you in every aspect in his life. Your technically family once you elope, so he needs to know that you deserve to be treated the same as well. Just talk to him and make sure he knows how left out you feel and as the fiancee you should be given most of the attention while wedding planning. No one can come in between family, but you can be with your family and still let go and have your own life. Best of luck and hope everything works out!

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    • Yeah no on not trying to come in between family I am just saying I want to be on equal footing with them. Personally I think that after two committed adults have been together for a good amount of time (a few years) there is a transition made where the partner becomes your family.

    • I definitely agree also. He should be focused on making a great family with you also :)

  • Maybe he just wants to give a gratitude with his family by helping them back.. Why don't you support him and love his family.. If he can balance his life with you and his family, there's nothing wrong with that...
    But if he is the bread winner who belongs to codependent family, and his family tries to control him in his decision-making about your relationship, that's another story..

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