Is it even worth dating a guy who isn't over his ex?

Is it even worth dating a guy who isn't over this ex? Will you always be second best if you do? Should you just move on?

Thanks.

Updates:
I mentioned that he just chooses the wrong girls. And maybe he's realizing that I'm better for him. I'm mature, genuine and well rounded. But guys seem to prefer evil crazies for some reason lol

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Hi :)

    I think you should be his friend, and be yourself and show him what a healthy relationshihp might look like. Trust me, guys get sick of , "evil crazies" as you so correctly put it. Being with these types of women are like riding a roller coaster except no where near as much fun! The emotional highs and lows lead to "rushes" of neurotransmitters (chemicals in the brain that stimulate feelings and emotions) and lead to an addiction to the wild swings between the highs and lows of the ride (read relationship...).

    If he doesn't see that you are offering him a better quality relationship, there maybe other issues that he needs to deal with that might indicate to you that he is not in a place where he can enjoy a sane sensible relationship.

    Trust me there are guys out there your age who are looking for a great girl like you. Give this guy a chance if you want, but don't have any expectations and know when it's time to move on.

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What Guys Said 19

  • 1. You are anyone shouldn't decide if the girls were wrong or not - we always see one side of the coin where there is always a flip side :)
    2. If the guy's not over his ex then it's not worth getting into and that's the most rational thing to do
    3. For me I believe firmly in 'There is no past tense in loving someone, it's either you always will or you never did' BUT I know my priorities right. If we separated that was for a reason and immaterial of who and why or how it got initiated, fact is that it's done. I won't be spiteful to my ex unless she is beyond limit spiteful and it hurts & harms those who matter to me, but I'm never out of love with her
    4. However, there never is any comparison between my current and ex. I never went looking for another like my ex or mother or sister. I respect the girl for what she is as an individual

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  • Maybe this dude needs you to show him why he should never think about his ex again.

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  • It depends on what you mean by "over." I think it is ok to cherish a time you had but if that person is still "into" their ex and won't stop talking about then then that person needs more time to them self.

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  • you won't always be the second best but from experience as the guy you'll just slide right in where the other girl left off, your be what his ex was to him for a wile then he will slowly forget her, and love you. itll talk some time and he will talk about his ex from time to time and if its a recent break up don't be surprised if he calls you by his exes name by accident or worse he says it in bed hahaha. he will get over her and you'll be his one and only, just give it time.
    best of luck :)

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  • simple answer is no.

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    • Why not? don't you think he'll forget and realize this is what he wants and move on.

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    • it's been 3 years and he's been attached to her ever since I think. From what I know, she had sex with all his friends. Some while they were together and some while they were not.

      Very confusing to be honest :/

    • If she was having sex with his mates he should move on tell him. she not a good person. I should be an agony aunt/uncle for women lol

  • Just ride it out as friends until he gets over her. Then decide whether you want to date him or not.

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  • Some guys do and some guys get over there ex. I know you can try to do things to get him to see you as the better person than his ex.

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  • There could be lots of reasons why he's "not over her" and some of them could include anger and disappointment.
    He's not likely to be still thinking she's the best girl in the world, or in any way better than you.

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  • When he is not over the ex, he will first try to get her back... then he might try to replace her woth a similar girl or to just get a girl to make her jealous. Not every guy does it but since he is not over his ex, you might fit in to one of these categories. My advice would be to take your time until you can be sure

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    • If that's the case at first will he keep the new girl around after 1 year plus cuz he can never have his ex/crush

    • Depends on the person. People move on in different ways at different phases.

  • If I were you, i would give a chance. But don't expect much.

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    • its been years and she cheated on him multiple times. I don't know why he's still hung up on her, its stupid.

  • Trust me we don't always choose who we loved in the past. I was with a wonderful girl who would have given me anything and everything but I was still in love with my EX. It sucks sometimes timing is the deciding factor in a relationship. Its important to remember its not your fault if he's not over her yet and its not a reflection upon you.

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  • If he really is still deeply emotionally attached to her, then it's not worth dating him.

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  • I've gotten over several of my ex's as soon as we break up, but there has been one or two that took a good while, but those break ups were on my part from bad decisions and moving away

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  • Yes, some people simply become familiar to a dysfunctional relationship, and people avoid change. More than anything you would probably just help him realize, there's lots of nice women out there. Have fun

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  • Hell no keep it pushing... It's nothing but drama and an unsteady foundation to start a relationship on.

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  • Tomorrow is a new day, wake up and walk forward, backwards is a hard walk.

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  • Yes, go for it. Getting over someone takes time, and if he like you he will get over her quicker.

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  • You should move on.

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  • you can definitely try and be your best to make him dream about only you but if he still thinks only about his ex than better leave him

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What Girls Said 32

  • Not worth it, if she pops up again he'll cheat on you at least emotionally if not physically.

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    • I agree, I think and always have that you can't be friends with an ex. No matter how you cut it they're always an ex. That said, if someone is emotionally attached to an ex or someone else you end up being hurt because they'll always wonder themselves if that other person is the one that they should be with. If it's an ex then you cut ties totally... you don't become friends nor do you communicate with them on a physical or emotional level. Thus, you're setting yourself up for hurt and feeling like you're the second best and being settled for. Don't do it. Let him go.

  • I have been on both sides of this equation and it is a recipe for disaster I am afraid. besides, as the saying goes 'never chase a man or a bus. As soon as one leaves, another arrives'. Go out and have fun, you will either meet someone who is ready to commit or this guy will realise his ex wasn't so great after all and you are the one his misses... either way is a win/win :)

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  • not for me. why should I waste my time on somebody who doesn't appreciate me. go to find somebody who loves you and you love him.

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  • Why would you date someone knowing he wants someone else?

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  • I guess it depends... a lot of my guy friends in high school got heart broken by a girl and I helped them move on and once they did they told me they liked me. So weird and I never went out with them of course cause it was like um I helped you move on.

    But could be possible.

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  • No.. it's not worth dating.. no matter how good or perfect you may seem, if his heart is with someone else and not ready for you, worst is he won't notice or even appreciate your close to perfection's trait..

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  • In my opinion yeah cuz when I started dating my bf I still had some leftover feelings for my ex & wondered if they would completely go away, but after not too long at all I started falling in love with my bf & now I feel like the luckiest girl in the entire world. And couldn't give a fuck about my exes or any other guys for that matter. It's worth it to see where it goes!

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  • I guess once you tell him it's not worth it and leave him a lone for a while i think he will realize that he's better off with u

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  • If he's not over his ex dont make a move. Cause if she decided to come back to him your doombed, if he's not over the ex don't take the chance of being hurt.

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  • I, personally, would move on because I ref to be somebody's rebound.

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  • hell no. keep it trucking.

    NEXT!

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  • Yes he may be seeing you as more mature now. I, personally, would not date somebody who isn't over their ex. I would feel like a rebound and not taken seriously, but then again, that's just my opinion.

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  • Just move on if he's not over her he'll continue to compare y'all relationship to theirs and you to her.. you'll put in a lot of work and start to feel like it's not worth it

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  • He seems sensitive and loving. I say if you wanna be a good girlfriend, don't leave him just because he isn't over his ex. Instead be the better one and eventually he'll forget about her.

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  • I feel you I feel ==

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  • If you want to be a rebound chick maybe...

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  • Hmm, if he's not over her it's a bad idea. It's hard to develop feelings for you when the feelings he has for her leaves takes up that space. Being a rebound girl sucks

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  • Just move on unless you wanna be reboubd

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  • No one should date another person if they aren't over their ex.

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  • No, not worth it. Move on.

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  • My friend had a problem like this, so I just told her to play hard to get.

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  • I would wait some time but that's just me.

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  • I dont know

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  • No if he isn't over his ex you will all ways be 2nd to him it's not worth the pain

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  • no, if they aren't over their ex, you're obviously not gonna be the only person he's thinking about.

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  • I don't agree with dating a guy who isn't over his ex. I don't agree because your only getting half of his heart while that other half is still with his ex.

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  • I think so. It just takes time to show him you're better than her. When my guy and I started dating, he still had feelings for his ex. But now? I'm his number one and he's moved on from her. So sometimes it really is worth it.

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  • If you don't know how to USE this poison in his system for your own pleasure, then leave him. Many gals find it a challenge to wash that gal's memories out of his hair = good for him, good for gal. Many times when he can be drawn out to recall something special about the ex, new gal can often best that action = goodbye ex.

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  • No. You aren’t a rebound girl unless you are devaluing yourself. Do a “takeaway” with him. By that I mean to let him know you need to reevaluate your relationship and take some time to yourself. DO NOT contact him. When he comes around, it has to be to move forward with you. Make that clear or you will be broken hearted a year from now with a wasted year.

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  • Ask yourself and be honest: would you want to be with a guy who still thinks & probably fantasizes about another girl? No.
    You want to be the only one he cares about, the only one he wants to come home to at the end of the day, the only one he falls asleep thinking about. And it's not wrong to want those things: that's the way it should be. If you have no problem with being second-best and being one of two women who will occupy his mind until he decides to choose one, then by all means go ahead and date him.

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