Why do people always advise to run away , when a girl has a personality disorder, like bpd?

can't they really improof on themselves, when they look for help themselves, this girl im seeing did look for help herself, but at the same time, keeps seeing people that couldnt care less about her. i am struggling, im emotionallz drained, i feel empty at most and i have a short fuse. were im trying to steer her to the right direction these people let her do irresponsible things and i can't really do anything about it, she probably will get angry, but im going to write her a letter, telling her how i see her life. smoking weed, can make you lose custody over your child, drinking till you are drunk with people like this, won't give you true fun. man i really wanted to give her this letter, before she will leave to holiday tomorrow, but i have no time to do so. i need time to write a good letter. by the way i think she bpd

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Neurological problems... like BPD do not correct. They are treatable... but the treatments sometimes stop working. I am very sorry to write this, because I have beloved family members with BPD... However less than 10% of people with BPD can sustain a marriage more than ten years. And ask their exes... the last half of the marriage was awful... if not the whole marriage. Many people coming out of marriage with BPD people develop PTSD from all the needless drama and trauma.

    The last 10% that stay married are married to super-religious or super-codependent people. (or they have a trust fund)

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    • i did read that, does it mean anything that actually looked for help herself, in January she will have her first appointment with a psychotherapist, and i will write her a letter about my concerns, and ill be completely honest to her, also about the louzy friends she has. smoking weed, seriously if people support a habbit like that, they aren't friends but selfish pricks, she can lose her child that way, she doesn't smoke weed often but well if you are prone to mental problems, weed isn't going to improof that. i actually feel like digging a massgrave and take down every rotten piece of meat in her life, these so called friends, to make them dissapear forever

    • Sorry it does not mean anything, longterm. it is very very difficult to treat. Those marriage stats are about patients, in treatment. I have lived in another country with universal healthcare, same stats there.

    • In addition, she is an addict. Less than 10% of addicts can stay free from substances longterm. sorry... so sorry... but there is no letter, doctor or therapist that will make this a happy story. There is no way this slot machine will ever pay out. BPD is in the back of the machine taking everything and throwing in a black hole. no pay out possible.

What Girls Said 4

  • Bi-polar can not be cured, and it is present for the person's entire life. People with Bi-polar shouldn't be told to "improve" themselves, they can't help the way they are, what they are trying to do is manage their condition but it's a life-long struggle as I said.

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    • BPD is Borderline-personality disorder, although often they do come together.

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    • i think she does want to change, she does have a caring and loving side to her, even i dont always see it, and i can bring her to tears but im also good at upsetting her, and when she comes back ill surprise her with a small gift, for the 3 of us, so we can go somewhere together and have some real fun, responsible fun, not drinking or smoking weed. she did make an appointment herself with the psychotherepist, i just have to give her a quick reality check that im one of the few persons that actually care about her.

    • If you care for her then stay with her but don't expect change from her. She may never change and you can't force her to.

  • I personally have a million and one issues that a million and one men try to fix daily.
    All have failed.

    I liken myself to a "racing car without any gas in the tank" ie: GOING NOWHERE :P

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    • maybe im just ignorant but i believe everyone can be helped, as long as they realize themselves that they do have a problem, this girl does realize she has a problem, and actually i think it was me being so kind to her, never lashing out on her, and trust me, im not always a very patient person, not at all actually, but to her i never got angry once. she actually looked for help herself, but than again, comes along some frigging piece of shit i rather would beat the living daylight out, that lets her participate in bad irresponsible behavior, i feel like writing this guy, to leave her alone. i will have a surpise for him, when i find out what his car is.

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    • Listen to her. She is telling you the facts of life.

    • if that"s so i can better kill myself than, i really like her and we have something special going on but she doesn't value me enough, for example, when im with her, she never touches alcohol, but when these losers come by, she starts drinking, can't you see the problem, its these people she associates with, i need to remove them from her life, if i ever want her to become the better person she actually is. i will give her a quick reality check, and she probably gets angry or maybe cries, but this, no , im not gonna let other people ruin her, she needs to respect herself a bit more and stay far away from them, i did many stupid things in life, i got kicked from school, i did stupid stuff but i have changed. im going to tell her exaclty what her friends are like, and if she loves her daughter, and would actually care enough about me, she would stop seeing these petathic losers, because thats what they are,

  • It's NOT your fault but you should leave her to her own issues at this point. She doesn't owe any explinations. Grow up and move on.

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    • im not grown up, im the only decent person in her life, i have a job, my own place, a car, etc.. im nice, fun and condirate, a lot of the guys she has been seeing aren't.

  • You don't know if she has any personality disorder unless a psychiatrist has told her.

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    • well i strongly assume she has, her overall behavior and the fact she says she has a problem. some background, me and her we were dating, being intimate, having fun etc.. goes on a holiday comes back, cya dude, at work, going hot and cold , than i find out she has a bf, which she doesn't love, she keeps going hot and cold, i had enough went to her place to confront her, we ended up having sex. during the sex, e short breaks i needed, she was laughing like she was insane, than she got pregnant completely finished me off with her heistation 24/7 she hangs around with some of the weirdest losers you can imagine, im pretty much the only decent guy she knows, and she sometimes treats me so horrible, i think she has borderline, i know she isn't happy, she cries, she even called me once, i came she sat there crying, no idea why, i comfort her a bit, she tellls me she cries, she needs to stop making bad decisions and also get rit of her fb, so people will leave her alone. she needs help!

    • tell her to see a doctor. Take her to one

What Guys Said 4

  • It requires a lot of work on both your parts, most men are too lazy to try that hard. If you have the tenacity and heart, it can be negated and deeply meaningful and powerful relationship. 4 years with someone and it was the best relationship of my life, and also the worst hahah. You need to be a rock, and you need to be supportive and sensitive to triggers and her needs.

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    • i agree with you, a true guy doesn't run away from problems but faces them, how was your gf, did she do things you didn't like, having secrets, being open about having guy friends, but not willing to enlighten you about what they were doing. i really feel like im losing her at times, she is pretty much locking me up in her appartment, can't go anywhere together, when i approach her in public she doesn't always appreciate it, she seems to forget that the child she had inside her, for 7 weeks, was mines. im a great guy and i have nothing to hide, so im going to buy 3 tickets for an amusement park, me, her an dher kid, and take her there, show her the other side of actually being together with someone who does care about you, and who wants the best for youi, because her friends, are just idiots, im sorry but they are, smoking weed, thats a habbit that could make her lose the custody of her child. those aren't friends, but fucking idiots

    • We were very open and communicative. We did do some therapy. She never "got better." I am still close with her and she is a lover of mine. She did and still does many things I hate but I could live with them.

      While a true man doesn't run away, he is also realistic and puts himself first. Not all relationships are made to last and leaving is not necessarily a failure. Sometimes leaving is the best option. It sounds like in your case leaving might be the answer. Leaving can take a lot of balls too, imagine a woman in an abusive relationship, that takes courage to escape.

    • thanks man you sound realistic, and know what i feel like. i can't hate her, i do hate those people that let her do things she shouldn't be doing or tempting her to do things she might regret, but to me she will always be the mother of our 7 week unborn child. yes i do get upset with her behavior, she openly tells me she has a guy friend coming over, that he sleeps over, i dont think they share a bet, she has a 7 yo kid at home, and that kid doesn't like her mother being intimate. the kid pretty much also stand between me and her, and im a great guy, i do play with the kid, buy small considerate stuff, but the kid hates or loves me from 1 day to another. but i will tell her how i see her, and her worthless friendsl, she probably will get angry but im one of the few persons that can make her go really angry or make her tear up. i just hope she won't do anything she might regret during these 2 weeks she isn't here, if she does, this guy has a major problem with me, im pretty nasty:)

  • Because you can't save someone, only they can save themselves. You're not the Catcher in the Rye.

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  • It requires far too much patience. self-sacrifice and effort which just isn't worth it.

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  • If she still loves you, i would advise you to support her but when she becomes another person, everybody should run away.

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    • she says she likes me, she has a kid and that kid can be a pain in the ass sometimes, well if i think about this girl has made a complete mess of her life, she really did, and she is letting others not making it any better. it makes me so angry that she has no respect for herself and does these irresponsible things , i care about her i won't let her do stuff that could make her life any worse

    • Sometimes love is like a prison.

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