I'm 23 and a female virgin. Will anyone ever want to date me or love me?

Hi everyone. I'm 23 years old and I have never been kissed, dated, held hands, and I'm a virgin. I have only been asked out twice and said no. I am shy and quiet, but I prefer to talk to people one on one. I am not aware of anyone ever having a crush on me in HS or liking me, and only got asked out twice in undergrad.

I'm South Asian but I grew up in America. I'm 5'7" and slim. I'm plain looking, brown hair, brown eyes, and brown skin. I never feel pretty. Some people have told me I am, but I don't know.

I worry that I will never find someone who loves me, thinks I'm pretty, or wants to kiss me and be with me. I feel like I'm less worthy, or worthless compared to other girls. I feel left behind, or like I'm expiring or something. I feel like no one will ever really love me or think I'm attractive. I get really sad and there's no one I can talk to about it. I feel so ashamed.

What do you think? What are your opinions and how can i feel better? Please let me know. Thanks.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you are fine honey! From your description you sound stunning! 5'7 AND slim? Honey you're a dime. You might be plain looking, but who ever said that wasn't beautiful? Just because you dont look like other girls doesn't mean you're worthless, you gotta stop comparing yourself to these other girls. You have to realize how amazing you are and how lucky any guy would be to have you. Polish your strengths and accept your weaknesses and "flaws" and then from within you're vibe will glow of self acceptance and confidence. You have to KNOW that you're worthy of another human beings affection and attention. I think you just need a boost in your self-esteem and confidence (:

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    • Thank you so much for making me MHO. Hope i actually helped you! 😄😄😄

What Guys Said 23

  • I'm 19, and a Virgin. Never dated, never been asked out. Get out there, and show people who you are!
    Get some confidence! Don't look at your flaws, look at your greats! What makes you who you are. You're unique, like everyone else on this planet. Out of the 7 billion people on this planet I'm sure there's at least one person out there who will love you; and make you feel special. Shyness is your issue, not your appearance. I can already tell you're smart, and you're down to Earth. Guys love girls who are smart. They'd rather have someone smart than someone who's as smart as a carrot. Stay strong.

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  • Get over it. :) Here's why. If you're going to be reserved and shy and never give anyone a chance to get to know you then you're always going to 2nd guess their motives if they're attracted to you. You'll say to yourself, he can't love me because he knows nothing about me to love. So you see how this creates a circle that keeps you alone? (I've been there. ) Now, take my advice on this too. go look at makeup before / after. You will be shocked to realize that the people you compare yourself to might actually be pretty scary except for those little tricks that hide a train wreck or create a focal point. Talk to people, chin up, get to know the beauty of the world, and you can't see it one sidewalk block at a time. Don't take the same academic mentality into relationships. go "be" and you'll amaze yourself at how people like you.

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  • NOPE. NEVER. PREPARE YOUR HOME FOR A LOT OF INCOMING CATS.

    Kidding, of course. Most people that seem to think they are destined for solitude have one major thing in common. They are shy and quiet. Be less shy and quiet. What you've done so far hasn't worked, relationship wise. You have to work on being more outgoing and talking to more people and being more sociable. Prepare yourself for a shift in how you've done things and start talking to guys you like. They won't bite. They won't think you're weird or desperate. They may reject you, but you just try again. We can't hit a home run every at bat.

    Good luck.

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  • First, you need to quit the thought of not being pretty. Instead, think positive. Think you're pretty. Dress accordingly; not like a whore but more like a woman with flair, beauty, style, and desirability. Dye your hair red or blonde to attract mens' eyes. Walk as if you are desired. Keep yourself well groomed; save those legs and private areas. Wear a lightly scented purfume.

    Second, delete those thoughts of loneliness or being unloved. Assume every man in the room wants you. Walk as if you are desired. Don't be afraid to sit at a table of a man sitting alone and say hello. Look into the eyes of men you pass by in the hallway, street, restaurant, or in class. Don't be afraid to be the one to break the ice with men; make the first move but don't be pushy or bossy.

    After awhile, you'll find yourself with many men to choose for a date and perhaps for a soulmate.

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  • I'm almost 28 in the same situation, you are definitely okay

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  • probably try to be less shy?

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  • If you're plain looking, you need to STAND OUT in some exceptional way. Work on your personality / social skills. Reminds me of this Asian youtuber, she looks plain as hell to me but srsly like all her friends are models and shit, even the dudes are like all 7+. She has a kickass personality and is super outgoing. If she was boring, she'd be nothing

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  • You're fine. Just work on finding out who you are, or at least, who you want to be.

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  • I am sure you are so beautiful. Don't worry you will find a great boyfriend. But you shouldn't always wait for guys to come and ask you out. If there is a guy you like, go ask him out. Don't wait for him.

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  • Your still young. You'll find someone eventually! there's plenty of time. Maybe try to get involved in social events but still be yourself

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  • be confident and don't worry, there are plenty potential candidates for you, you just need to find them :).

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  • You already answered yourself "I have been asked out twice" means you're approachable.

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  • I always wanna date with virgin girl
    Because they r too precious

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  • Id date you, but if I'm putting all my eggs in 1 basket as I always tend to do and I don't get naughty time as quick as I thought. Then I'd get discouraged.

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  • Be less shy and more outgoing.

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  • It maybe because you are more prettier than other Girls

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  • You'll be fine, many men find Asian women attractive.

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  • I am 18 and I never fucked too. Nothing is to be ashamed of.

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  • Go to a hairstylist, get some new clothes, stop saying you are plain. Smile, laugh and have fun. Get out and join some activities for singles, get on dating websites go go go. Make it happen. You are young, thin and full of life. Go for it like you mean it.

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  • I'm a virgin too and my penis is thick as a pipe. I guess you wouldn't date me either.

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  • Not necessarily. However, if you've been asked out twice and turned both down, why? If you don't accept what comes your way, you're digging your own grave on that one.

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    • I said no because I wasn't interested in them. I used to avoid them when I saw them on campus.

    • There are already people that find you attractive. You just don't want them. If you're looking for better than you're getting, either improve yourself, be more proactive about approaching people, or take what you get.

  • i'm almost 27, although i have been on dates, have kissed a few girls, i still haven't had a girlfriend yet.

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  • Definitely. You must be tighter than a gnat's chuff!

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What Girls Said 9

  • I'm 22 and in the same position as you. Plus I'm also kind of quieter. We're not the only ones out there, I promise, and you know what, quiet girls get boyfriends too! It's not an unusual occurrence, in fact. :)
    Reading through the answers you got made me quite sad, to be honest. Don't change yourself just to "attract men". Please please don't. How terrible would it be if you changed yourself and then met someone and then had to spend the rest of your life pretending? Lying, even? Be yourself. It's a cliche, but it's true.
    Not every guy is looking for someone loud and outgoing. Yeah, this often makes it's easier to meet people. But everyone is different, and everyone likes different things.
    My advice to you is trust. Trust that one day you'll meet someone and click with them. In the meantime work on yourself. Spend your time enriching your life, doing the things you want to do, experiencing things, making yourself happy, and building a life you love. If you do all that you'll have no choice but to meet new people and then when you least expect it you'll meet someone great. It WILL happen.

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    • I apologize if that was lame and overly inspirational, haha
      It's what I try to remind myself of when I start to get discouraged. It helps to try become your own person first.

  • If a guy really likes you, he won't mind. If a guy is bothered by the fact that you are a virgin, it is because he only wants you for sex aka he isn't worth it :) I'm 18 and a virgin too. I am currently dating a guy that has a whoooole lot more experience than I do but guess what? He doesn't mind at all and in fact, he thinks that it's really cool, because I have a lot of respect for myself. It even makes me attractive to him. So, don't worry, there are guys out there who are worth it and won't mind :)

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  • I'm 24 and I'm a virgin in irl iv never had a bf because I never went to high school but I used to be asked out a lot by guys online on games or game sites and I usally always said no and I once tried to date some guys online but I stoped cause I thought relationships would be stressful for me but I also used to think it was annoying me for me to get asked out to meny times and the only way I was able to get a lot guys to stop asking me out was to date so that was the only way I could get so meny of them to stop asking me out

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  • Who cares about that virgin thing, damn why is everyone so desperate to lose their virginity

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    • Because there's a lot of pressure from friends and the media. People make it seem like virgin girls are ugly.

    • @Asker I agree with the opinion poster. why so desperate? If you're always gonna care about what media considers or what all the people around you do, you'll never achieve anything. Things like the way you look, when you lose it, wht you dress like etcm are YOUR decisions.
      You need to realuze there are more important things in life than your virginity. You should've realized by now. Try and learn to be happy alone, and cofnident and the right person will come along one day :) doesn't matter at what age

    • Most guys i know prefer virgins! They tell me how great it'd be to have a pure girl than a "used" one

  • Not to be harsh, but...

    You need to learn to be happy on your own. I can relate to your situation kind of, as I lost my "virginity" at 24, earlier this year. That was with a good friend. I've never been in an official relationship before and I'm definitely interested in a serious relationship. But I don't ever feel I'm less worthy than anyone. And I'm "fat". I feel beautiful everyday and I think highly of myself. You need to get it together. You don't need to be in a relationship if you have low self esteem, in my opinion. Women with low self esteem often find themselves in relationships where they aren't being treated well or respected the way they should be. If you don't value yourself and you want someone just because you're lonely and broken... I just don't think thats a great motive. Of course, most of us don't want to be single. However, I am enjoying my life right now. there's so much to do out there, girl.

    You're ashamed? Of what? I think you should talk to a therapist or counselor and maybe they can help you learn to appreciate yourself and value yourself as an individual first.

    Do you have friends? I talk to my friends about this all the time. The bitching is repetitive and incessant at this point. If you don't have friends, this is another area I think you need to improve beforehand. Having low self esteem and self worth, no real friends outside of a relationship to confide in, and a sense of expiration or shame sounds like the WORST candidate for a relationship. You honestly sound like a top candidate for an abusive, unhealthy relationship. Certain types of predatory guys can sense that shit and will pounce. And if the guy who shows interest isn't like that, you don't want to bring all this drama into the relationship. Try and settle these issues - build a full life for yourself and fall in love with yourself first. Then you'll probably attract guys a lot more and you'll be much better prepared to be a good partner for someone.

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    • You're post was hard to read. I said I'm ashamed because I feel like I can't get a guys attention at my age. As for my friends, i can't talk to them about this issue because were I'm from we're supposed to have arranged marriages. By the way, I'm not stupid. I finished my master's in may on a scholarship and have a job. I have done research in violence against women and published.

  • Half Asian 24 year old virgin checking in.
    Will probably be a virgin for life. I'll be 25 and over the hill soon. This is the point where being a virgin is actually creepy. You're 23 so you've got a couple more years.

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  • I'm 24 going to 25 and I'm in the exact same situation. I know how you feel.

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  • You got asked out twice, turned them down and now complain no one is interested in you?
    Gtfo

    I've never been asked out once.

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    • I wasn't interested in them at all. I actually used to try to avoid them when I would see them around campus.

    • What kind of guys they were?

  • I didn't have my first kiss till I was 21 an it was some drunk guy in a bar. I'm 25 now and still haven't had a boyfriend. I wasn't kissed again until recently my best guy friend kissed me and we made out. A few weeks later I lost my virginity to him. he was drunk both times. :( I know how you feel. I feel like I'm not good enough to be with anyone and I'm 25. I hope things work out for you! Good luck dear!

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