How to deal with boyfriend's unstable ex?

He's talking to his ex because she said she needs him and she's unstable without him. Classic post-breakup clingy behavior. The problem is he actually believes continuing to talk to her will help. He also wants to be her friend in the future. He trusts her opinion that "talking to her will help her get over him and be more stable" over mine saying it won't.
She also tells him how much she misses him and their relationship, etc. even though she knows we're dating. He just brushes her off and ignores it.

How do I deal with this?

Thank you!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'd consider myself a pretty nice guy. (I mean I get bullied a lot but it never continues cause I don't put up with anyones shit I just figure I'm nice and look nice so they think I'm an easy target) so maybe not yet but I did learn violence CAN solve things. Try and just tell her that it's not healthy and he's moved on and she needs to too. If she persists and even try's to seduce him or get physical then you can explain how that shit's not cool and if it gets worse then tell her you'll have to beat the living shit out of her if she won't leave you two alone. I feel really bad saying this cause I dislike hurting people (even the ones that hurt or bully me I feel bad when beating their ass) but too often people don't get it or can't get it until they fear getting whooped. Sorry

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    • WELL. ABOUT THAT. Not that I'd ever do it, but she's military and I'm not. NO THANKS :D

    • There's no such thing as fighting fair though :P But wow she's in the military! I'd imagine you would also need mental strength not just physical strength. But I'm also not in the military. She sounds very weak mentally so I'm kinda wtf about that bit right now xD

What Guys Said 1

  • bullshit... he still likes her... its either her or you... exes can't be friends... its her own problem not his. tell him to cute the crap and make up his mind.

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    • I'm glad someone else sees this in that situation lol

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    • That I am worried about.

    • I've been around ten years more than you kid... trolling? how long have you been on this website? two days? thro words

What Girls Said 1

  • I'm going to give everyone the benefit of the doubt here. If this is the case, your boyfriend is probably being way too nice. Yes, it's natural to feel sad and angry and "unstable" after a breakup, but continuing to talk to an ex who is in a new relationship isn't going to help either party (or you).

    Be honest with your boyfriend, and tell him that this arrangement bothers you (it would definitely bother me too). Whether her intentions are completely platonic or manipulative, you clearly aren't okay with it, and you have a right to that. He should know that and respect this fact. It's best for everyone in my opinion if he stops talking to her or keeps his contact with her to a minimum. Sure, if they want to be friends in the future, okay... But she's not going to move on in a healthy way if she keeps this up. She needs to deal with the breakup with the support of family and friends, not with him.

    It also matters about how "unstable" she actually is. If by "unstable", you mean like she is clinically depressed or something along those lines, she needs help that your boyfriend can't provide.

    Anyways, the best thing to do is tell your boyfriend you're not okay with this arrangement and they both need to move on, whether he still has feelings towards her or not. Let him know that this will eventually affect his relationship with you, which should be his priority. Good luck! Sorry you're in this situation.

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