Do I stay with him or leave the relationship?

He still has feelings for/isn't ready to stop talking to his ex and wouldn't give up his friendship with her for me. Given the choice, he says he would date neither. Looked through his phone, he isn't flirting with her despite her moves on him. He says he talks to her because she says that's what she needs to be stable.

I've twice already broken up with him over this. If I leave again there will be no 4th chance to date him. I keep coming back because I realize what a great guy he is aside from that and he has that "the one" feeling and I feel like if I left for good I would truly regret it. But her presence in my life is hurting me a lot. I don't know what to do. Should I give it some time to see if the situation clears up or leave because it feels like he still really has romantic feelings for her even though he says he doesn't (but kind of acts like he does... not flirting but the level of intimacy of things they share)?

I don't know if he will ever truly let go of her but I'm totally head over heels for him and I'm willing to try because of it. What would you do?

Also, would you ever continue to date someone you were heavily emotionally invested in if you found out they kind of care about an ex?

Thanks!

  • Stay
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  • Leave
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And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Does he feel that whats he's doing is wrong? If not, then you need to make it clear why it is! I know you've probably talked about it a million times, but point out these things.

    A wise person knows that emotional cheating is way way way worse than physically cheating. Your boyfriend being too emotionally close with ANY girl ESPECIALLY an ex is wrong. My situation with boyfriend isn't as bad because he barely talk to his ex. Only rarely on fb because they're in the same circle of friends, but mostly not because she gets on his nerves. But one time he told me he'll always have a soft spot in his heart for her. That shit cutt me like a knife. I'd rather he told me he cheated on me with someone insignificant.

    She "needs" to still have him in her life? Well it's wrong for him to put her needs above yours. He "needs" to still have her in his life? Well make it clear that on a scale of 1 to 10, the satisfaction he getting from from doing that may be like a 7, but the PAIN you're feeling is like 102. And it is WRONG for him to be OKAY with that.

    And lastly, that whole concept of being able to stay friends after a break up is a major major myth. Even if your not having sex, you never be "just" friends. It may be okay at first, but once one of you start a relationship with someone else, it's not HEALTHY for that relationshp. If your boyfriend ever wants a relationship with someone, he's going to have to cutt ties with her because it's going to stifle any relationship he has from ever growing.

    And if he DOES know it's wrong and is fully aware of everything I've just said but refuses to change. I'm sorry but it's completely up to weather or not to end it. There's no grey area about weather what he's doing is wrong. It is. But weather someone should end their relationship over this, is however a grey area. There's no right or wrong answer. Only you can decide if your relationship is worth is behavior.

    Hope I helped :)

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What Guys Said 2

  • Um... you sound like the one that keeps going back..
    you may not have to break up with him but i definitely think its not up to you to judge. you should give him some space to see if he wants to move one with you, or linger with his ex. So do that, a good month usually works for guys.

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  • He's a cheater and I bet he's good looking.

    You've been warned.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Talk to him one last time, tell him what you feel, what you just said here, and ask him to make a choice. If he's indifferent once again, leave him ! He's not worthy of you, let him rot with his stupid ex. You deserve better.

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  • I had the same situation too
    Boys kinda stick to their past without knowing it
    He searches for something, but he doesn't know it himself
    All you have to do is let him see that there's nothing in his past to search..
    And JUST FRIENDS for ex girlfriend is meaningless
    Obviously she has feelings for him
    Start with being friends with the girl
    It really, truly helps
    If he still has feelings for her he will stop you
    If he doesn't, he will be glad and appreciate it then you can put a space between them and show her you are the one! Not her.. You are dating him and whatever it was it's over.
    Don't TELL her just SHOW her
    And don't fight with him over it.. Support him
    Let him see you're ok
    If you are obsessive he will spend more time with the girl

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  • In my opinion, the biggest red flag is that you obviously do not trust him. The need to look through his phone clearly shows that. To be in a meaningful and healthy relationship you must trust each other and that is lacking. The fact that you have already broken up with him twice because of this is also not a good sign.

    I am completely head over heels in love with my current significant other. He was married for twenty years and has been divorced now for five. He has two children with this other woman and they are still good friends, but I do not feel the least bit threatened by her.

    There is a reason why your boyfriend broke up with his ex. If you really care about him, learn to trust him. When two people care deeply about each other, even after they have broken up, especially if it was a mutual decision or a clean break, it is natural to care about the other person's well being.

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