Do you worry about conversation on dates?

a big reason I don't like to go on formal dates Is because im afraid of awkward silence. is that common?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes, I do. I think I can converse pretty well, but there's always that fear. Is he going to think I'm weird? Boring? Some other negative adjective? In addition, I wonder if he's going to be physically disappointed by me if we haven't spent much time together.

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What Girls Said 48

  • I do cuz I'm ridiculously shy at first. I'll be silent and hope that he speaks more. If not, awkward silences are ahead of us lol.
    But when I do talk, I'm afraid he'll find me "weird". Almost everyone I've met has told me I'm one of the strangest person they ever met. Everyone has their quirks and oddities, but it's better not to let them out so soon. lol Gotta reel the guy in before unleashing all the crazy. It's a delicate balance that I haven't mastered yet. :x

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  • Nope.
    I'm a pretty talkative person.
    A bit of silence is fine.
    But if you're going through the whole date...
    thinking about what to say next, and the conversation isn't naturally flowing
    then maybe you two aren't well paired up.

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  • yes very common! I don't date much but the last time I was asked out this was a problem... Its not just you... its pretty much everyone. I guess the biggest fear I have is will he find any part of me "undateable" our personalities won't mesh, maybe I'm not his type physically... I think we both worry about this on both ends

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  • I worry about that even when I'm meeting new people in general. I'm typically a quiet person when you first meet me and if you're outgoing and ask a lot of questions, i'll have no issues opening up and talking right back. But if the conversation dies, i struggle to continue it and ill just stay quiet. Inside my head, im thinking like of a million things but am always worried that i'll come off as weird or they be like "why is she asking me that" if i tihnk of anything. But i learned that if i want to get to know someone, just ask them anything. It's getting better as time comes.

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  • awkward silence =
    > nothing in common, don't call her again
    > very comfortable with each other after a few dates = call her again

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  • Yes, I think that aspect of a date makes everyone nervous. I'm very friendly and can usually converse pretty well. But if my date is shy or isn't interested in anything I'm saying, I can only over-compensate for so long before I'm done trying. From my experience, you just have to go for it, and hope for the best. If it's a compatible match, the conversation will come naturally. If not? Oh well, thanks for dinner, good luck to you.

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  • No, a guy who sounds like he's rehearsed or planned what he is going to say is the worst. if the conversation flows its meant to be, it it doesn't it isn't. simple. I think when you're with the right girl there won't be any awkward silences. For me a guy who has a good sense of humour whom i can have a jokey/flirty conversation with is the best. and i love it when we can both have a pretend jokey sarcastic convo, good old British humour. I usually gently tease/take the mickey out of guys i like.

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  • I guess so but it's inevitable there were more awkward silences if you are not really into each other but on the first few dates with my boyfriend before we were official it was only slightly awkward because we wanted to the other person to like us so much we got nervous! After nearly 7 months he will still look at me and say "you just gave me butterflies" haha

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  • I just use it as a chance to see if we have a connection. If there are too many awkward silences we probably aren't a good match anyway.

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  • I think as long as you don't over think it you are fine. There is always something to talk about... If you're in a pub you can talk about beer, places to go, last gig you saw, etc or you can talk about the latest 'big thing' on TV etc... all these things inevitably lead to more topics! But I did work in sales for 3 years so I find it easy to talk BS haha! I think the beauty of a drinks date for a first date is it loosens you both up.

    Now answer mine please!

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  • Im affraid of silence all together but yes I know what you mean. This is why it's good to find something that you are both interested in and take it from there

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  • I don't worry about conversation..
    if both of you are reserved or maybe introvert, its common to have silence.. but you don't have to worry or be afraid, I believe you will understand each other's silence by looking each other's eyes and see what her reaction might be.. :) it will say a lot too.. :p
    just let it flow naturally and be yourself without worrying or bothering you in thinking what to say to keep the convo going..

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  • I don't worry too much about it. I use a lot of humor to try and get a guy to open up. If a guy can't joke around with me or make me laugh, there probably won't be a second date for me to be nervous about, anyhow.

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  • I thought it would be awkward, because I struggle to talking to guys in general anyway but when I met up with boyfriend it was fine, we'd spent loads of time skyping and it was just totally easy and relaxed, I think it's easier than you think and even if it is awkward you can just laugh about it c: x

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  • I do worry about it a little bit. :) this is why I prefer going on more relax dates than the classic dinner at a chic restaurant date. As a first date I like to do something casual like playing a sport, watching a movie or tv series at my or his home. Grabbing a coffee and taking a walk through the city makes it a lot less stressing. I also tend to prepare in advance 1-2 things we could talk about if the conversation ever dies. :)

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  • Not really... When I'm nervous I just tell a recent funny story about myself. It's always good to make ur date laugh at least once

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  • I'm pretty sure the whole point to going on a date is getting to know a person better. So yes, it is important.

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  • One on one, I'm fine.
    It's the small party stuff where I panic a bit.
    I just clam up.
    Here I can write like a tiger though, and even speak to large crowds if I'm knowledgeable about the topics.
    I'm weird!

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  • YES! I am a big worrier, I worry about stuff like that all the time. My biggest dating fear is that it's going to be awkward.

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  • It's common to be afraid of running out of conversation, but trust me as long as you act like you actually want to talk and listen to her, she will talk and conversation will just come naturally. And if there are any moments of silence, it will be okay as long as you don't make it awkward.

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  • A big yes! Awkward silence is the worst thing.
    But just make sure to have a lot of standars questions up your sleeve, and don't just answer yes/no to the questions you are asked :)

    Ask about job, hobbies, family, friends, all that sort of stuff.. people often love to talk about themselves

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  • It's common, especially when you don't know the person all that well. Try thinking of whay you guys have in common before to talk about on the date. And if you don't know any common likings, that's a great conversation starter to get to know the person better :)
    I really need to use my own advice haha

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  • Never once.

    I only date interesting, older-high-profile-alpha-men and myself have a very
    colourful and eclectic background which never matters anyway, as men are
    forever too interested in seeing me naked to care :P

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  • No, I don't. I am pretty bad at feeling the awkwardness, and I normally have something to say. If there is awkward silence with him, I know we are not meant to see each other again.

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  • Yes. That's why I never do a full on evening date unless I've met for coffee or a drink previous. All it takes is one drink for me to know if I'm gonna hit it off with someone. If we don't. Cool. I wasted 30- to an hr. Of my life and I'm off. No need to drag it out.

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  • Yeah, I do sometimes. I went out with a guy after a few months of chatting and there was some silence, mainly because we've talked almost every day before haha.
    Besides him, I've usually found subjects, but I still worry

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  • Awkward silence is very common at first! I'm going through the same thing right now, I suck at thinking of stuff to say and how to respond on first dates. But just remember first dates are usually awkward and every time you see him/her it will get easier each time :) Also do something active like bowling or lazer tag instead of movies and/or dinner at first.

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  • Yes, especially on first dates. But I wouldn't let the awkward silence determine to go or not.

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  • Since I don't talk much, yes it worries me a lot. The awkward silence, is very common for me, and I really don't like them. Just thinking about it makes me uncomfortable.

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  • definitely because on one date, neither of us knew what to say so it just was way too awkward and we broke up like a month later. so yes girls also worry about conversations

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  • More from Girls
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What Guys Said 23

  • I am. But I think it's the wrong fear. Silence isn't the problem. Silence is harmless. Couples should be able to be silent together.

    The problem is a lack of connection, I think. That is what you should focus on instead.

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  • I think it is natural to be worried when going on a first date PERIOD! First impressions are everything. I think the major thing is to be calm, cool, and collected. Dont let your emotions or fears get the best of you. Confidence is key in everything you do! No matter the situation. If you dont know what your doing stay confident. When your brain is relaxed you think more clearly. More importantly, think of light hearted topics that aren't too deep for a first date. Write them down, review them before you meet with her. If she isn't a shy woman then ask questions that would keep her talking like "hows that going for you, how did that happen, etc . Maintain eye contact and positive body posture. PAY attention to her tone of voice and body posture. If your worried too much about what to say you won't be listening intently so how can you genuinely be in the conversation. RELAX, you've got this. Do a little light research. There are tons of articles on this topic alone. here's something to start your research.
    askmen. com/top_10/dating/top-10-first-date-conversation-tips. html

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  • For me that is a fear sometimes, since most women are not generally interested in the things I'm interested in, some of the stuff you wouldn't even understand. So I find it hard, unless I can get to know them and their interests a little bit before hand.

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  • Can be, just be yourself. The trick to this is to ask her a lot of questions about herself and keep the convo going. This a) makes you look interested. b) lets her take control of the talking c) makes you look mysterious/more interesting to her and d) makes her think ur a great listener in which she will always want to talk to you about things. One thing i learned is that women LOVE a man that smiles and listens and asks questions about herself. Women love to brag.

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  • Oh, I will not let an awkward silence happen. last girl I dated told me she was awkward somtimes.. HAHAHA NOT WITH ME BA-BY.

    Seriously, if you can't find a reason to talk, I'll find a reason. I've never had to resort to "Nice weather"... but I'll do it if I have to (Terrible example).

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  • I don't worry about it, if she is interested in me (as I am in her, thus asked her out) and I happened to go through a mental block, she'll start talking about something as a means for the date to keep going.

    Actually, once I kind of pushed it. I was into her but she was extremely shy, on top of that it was her first real date ever. First one I did most of the talk. Second date, I purposely played silence until she broke it off, mostly questions about me but I got her to talk. That's a pretty risky move since you know, it can backfire and end the date earlier depending on the circumstances.

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  • Not really. I only worry about trying to get a second date. There may be some silence, but then again you both need to eat, right? Just have a bunch of topic ideas to discuss with her before you go out with her. But make sure you don't talk too much. Otherwise, your food will get cold.

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  • Nah I'm a joker.
    I talk a lot about myself and stupid stuff I do.
    Ton of free entertainment for my date to enjoy.

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  • Unless it is a quiet date more like going to the movies where you basically just cuddle and watch then yes, conversing on a date is beneficial. I would think girls would like to get to know you and such when you are out together. Is that not what "going out" is supposed to do? Help you get to know each other

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  • Having an extroverted personality and working in politics, I fortunately am pretty good at striking and keeping random conversations going, so I never had to worry about conversations on dates.

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  • yeah it is man, that sweet torturing awkward silence DOE!! tell you what as a fellow man, what i usually do is let the silence lingers for a moment then smile and laugh it out. She will be like "what's funny?" , you've cracked the ice. Tell her that the awkward silence was funny and make a joke out of it. it'll get the conversation going. The best way to start a conversation is to make good use of the current situation. Good luck homie

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  • Sometimes I feel like I talk way too much because it should be the other way around and me listening to her angelic voice.

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  • @thechica baby I don't know what to say :c

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  • No, I speak with confidence of who I am and give the girl the most time to speak about herself and ask me the questions, I may however unoccasionally stutter.

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  • Yeah i feel the same. Im a socially awkward person and awkward silence is the most common thing i experience daily...

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  • ya i usually freak the fuck out

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  • Then you should come with your guns loaded. Have a few conversation ideas in your brain BEFORE you go on the date.

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  • It's common I find myself running outta things to talk about.

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  • Oh yes I have aspergers and I'm very awkward on dates

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  • I don't date so that's about it

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  • I do. I'm actually a very shy and quiet person. I actually have to ramp up my personality before I go out on a date:

    -I drink coffee, watch funny videos, take 5-HTP (mood booster pill) and listen to motivationals to make myself pretend I am the shit.

    When I go out on dates... I act like a different person. I'm more confident, I exaggerate stories and make myself seem cooler than I really am. I make the girl think I'm this really outgoing and cool guy. As they say in pick-up... this isn't lying... it's just flirting :p. But... I just make myself seem like I'm the coolest guy in the world and this usually ends up resulting in make out sessions and kisses from women by the end of the date.

    As I see the girl more and she starts to like me and likes spending time with me... I start to go back into my usual quiet/shy persona and she doesn't really mind it at all.

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  • This question is applicable only for those who manage to GET dates in the first place! For someone like me who can't, for the life of me, get dates this is a non-issue! Hehe!

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    • What usually happens when you try to get dates?

    • I really have no idea. Maybe its my looks, my height (I'm quite short) or my ethnicity. But women just aren't interested in me. If I approach a woman whom I don't know too much about, I get turned down because they 'hardly know me'. And if I make a move with women I know reasonably well, again I get turned down because I'm in the friendzone already.

      The bottomline is, women just aren't attracted enough to me to consider me as 'dating material', for whatever reason. But I don't whine and complain about it. The women have made their choice about me, and I accept that.

  • I've noticed it's been awkward with me lately, at least with girls I don't really know very well. I mean, they aren't even dates, but it's just super awkward feeling and I feel like I have a hard time communicating with most people these days.

    However, I can communicate with my crush/best friend on this side of the ocean pretty well. So at least there's that.

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