HELP!! What do I do if the guy I am seeing is seeing other girls at the same time?

We met on an online dating website. We've had 2 dates up to now and seem to be hitting it off pretty well. We've never discussed about it and we aren't exclusive either. He totally has the right to date other women. I, on the other hand, have stopped seeing anyone else (because I thought he had too), until I found out, today, he is seeing another girl at the same time.

But what should I do? Should I keep dating him but keep my options open too, so if it doesn't work I am not disappointed?

Should I stop dating him right now? (because it means he really isn't serious about me)

Should I ask him about it next time we see each other? (Because I am looking for a long term relationship eventually, and would like to make sure we are on the same page and I would eventually see myself with him)

HELP

PS: I can't help but feel jealous... even if he has the right to date other women... I have no right to be mad at him and I know it, but it frustrates me so much.

What I think the right thing to do would be is: Next time I see him, I'd tell him: ''You have the right to date other women if you want to. But, I, on the other hand, am looking for a serious long-term relationship and want to make sure we are on the same page and want the same thing.''
Would that be the right thing to do?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I've been in this situation too and I know it sucks, but I would be patient for a little while longer. 2 dates is still a bit early for either of you to commit to each other, but at some point you definitely need to address it. I would wait until around 4-5 dates (by then he should at least know if he likes you enough to stop seeing other girls), and if he's still dating other girls then tell him what you typed above and see what his response is.. if by that point he still insists on dating others I would drop him.

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What Guys Said 50

  • You're making a very common mistake - you've "changed the rules" (originally, no one agreed to be exclusive, and now that's what you expect), and you HAVEN'T EVEN *TOLD* HIM you've changed the rules, and now you are considering two options that you don't like: breaking up or tolerating other girls in the picture.

    What you haven't done is the most important, most obvious thing: COMMUNICATE WITH HIM! Tell him that you've come to really like him, and that you'd like to date him exclusively, but in order to do that, he also has to be exclusive. Tell him that you fully understand that he was dating other girls before, and that is fine given where you were at the time, but your feelings have changed and now you want something different.

    He's either going to agree or not, but at least this way, he actually can make an INFORMED opinion. If he's serious about you, he'll end it with the other girl (s), and if not, then you'll know the truth and you can break it off and move on. Either way, this is the only fair and moral thing to do for both of you.

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  • I know, you have the right Idea, if you two are not exclusive it healthy to date multiple people, I think you should explore this yourself, regardless of his answer to you. Now if you two become intimate, I think then there should be a stipulation, of now becoming exclusive because you two have engaged in a more private , meaningful situation, which if your looking to become long term, you should expect this. In conclusion, I would keep quiet about his dating other women, and date other men. Keep your options open because you haven't known him long enough to be exclusive, and you are moving way too fast, because you like him, big mistake, you will be crushed if you let him dictate rather he is going to stop seeing another chick. Be you, enjoy yourself, keep I light, no sex, and let what will be... be

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  • I have had to deal with this myself. Since my divorce last January, when I tried to date I had to decide what I would do. I have never been the "date multiple people" kind of person. While I may chat with several people at once online, once I made that first "lets meet for drinks" date I stopped chatting with everyone else and just focused on that one person. I have found that is a mistake. First off that first "get to know the person" meeting I do not consider a date. Nothing happens, I don't kiss her, we meet for 2 or 3 hrs and just chat. only once have I continued to see another woman once it went to a second date with someone. I felt so guilty even though I was doing nothing wrong. The issue was I really liked girl number 2 but she seemed awkward and I thought it was because she had not dated in a long time like me. But I was at a point by my 3rd date with women number 2 that I was already having sex with girl number 1 (we did it on 3-5 dates which is normal). At that point things just naturally stopped with the 2nd woman. I also realized I was really not ready for any relationship and that I started dating too soon. So I stopped all dating at that time. I am just now starting to put my profile back online and try again.

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    • hit post too soon...
      to more address your issue. You don't have the right to be upset but obv you can't help feeling the way you do. If you were farther into dating or at a point of having sex then I can understand you feeling you should both be exclusive. You need to talk with him and tell him what your plans are or what you expect. I have had women tell me that while they don't expect exclusive they had no plans on dating anyone else. I know that I am just that person and can't help but feel guilty if I am dating more then one person at a time. so that wont' be an issue for me going forward.

  • What I think the right thing to do would be is: Next time I see him, I'd tell him: ''You have the right to date other women if you want to. But, I, on the other hand, am looking for a serious long-term relationship and want to make sure we are on the same page and want the same thing.''
    Would that be the right thing to do?

    This is exactly what I would have suggested. See, it's not wrong for a person to see multiple partners IF he is honest and open about it. lying and cheating is bad. Your thoughts are correct. Be open. Take care.

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  • Talk to him. You don't have to make it confrontational. You tell him that you like him very much, you hope it might lead to something deeper, and you want to know what he feels. And if he says he agrees, then you tell him that you feel to do that you both need to be exclusive. If he disagrees about it being deeper or being exclusive then you know you need to move on.

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    • that makes a lot of sense! Thank you so much!! :) does what I plan to say sound okay (I wrote it at the bottom of the description of the question)?

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    • oooh okok perfect thank you very much! It helps A LOT to have the opinion from a guy :P

  • Hi :)

    I think you have the right idea and a great way to approach the question.

    Its clear to me that you are not happy with the way things are right now. I think that if things continue the way they are you will end up being hurt because your heart is into this relationship. This guy on the other hand doesn't see your relationship the way you do. You are right when you say he has the right to see other women as you two are not exclusive. You must resolve this for the sake of your own peace of mind and self respect. If you are not comfortable being in a relationship that is not exclusive, you have the right to choose not to be in that relationship.

    I too think this guy a player. You need to be certain that you can trust what he tells you is the truth, which means that his words and his behaviour have to be consistent.

    Don't make some guy a priority in your life when he treats you like an option in his!

    Use your time and energy looking for a guy whose going to want to be with you and you only.

    Merry Christmas :)

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  • cut his eyes off. he ain't gonna see any girl now

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  • I think you are trying to move things way, waaaaay too fast. It's only been two dates. How can he possibly know whether or not he wants something serious with you right now? How can you know you want that with him?

    Relax. Start seeing other guys again. When a person stops seeing multiple people, this is exactly what happens: they get anxious and needy, whether male or female. So let me be clear about that: you are being anxious and needy--not attractive.

    Keep seeing the guy, give things a chance to develop. You can't demand exclusivity and something serious so soon.

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  • I remember you from a few days ago.
    You need to tell him straight your looking for exclusivity, this is something you really need to do the second you meet a guy off a online dating site that you like.
    It's not his fault because you haven't told him you want that.
    I would suggest you immediately tell him before you waste time with someone that's not ready to settle with one person yet.

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  • It's online dating. He doesn't expect it to amount to anything anyway, so he's increasing his odds. Don't have the conversation with him until you're entirely certain you want to be his girlfriend.

    If you aren't sure whether you want to be his girlfriend or not, then you have no right to tell him to stop seeing other girls

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  • Definitely talk to him about it. He may not realize how interested you are. He may also be a player. No other way to find out than by talking to him.

    I'm like you. When I started seriously messaging a lady, I stopped taking to other women. I even lost out on one lady because of that. When I talked to her later, I could tell she wasn't interested anymore. It it what it is, though. I don't regret it now, because I found Ms. Right.

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    • thank you so much for taking the time to read and reply!! :) I'll talk to him about it to make sure we want the same thing. & that's very encouraging :D if he doesn't want a relationship, I won't give up :) thanks again :)

  • You have to be honest and talk about it. If he's a dick about it then there's your answer that he's not the right guy for you. It's actually a good situation to be in, you just have to use your head instead of your hormones at this stage of the game. If it works great, if not it wasn't meant to be.

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  • At this stage you aren't serious so neither of you are under any obligation to be exclusive. It makes sense to date multiple people at a time because it increases your chances. It doesn't mean you aren't looking to settle down.

    It's up to you if you want to keep your options open but I don't see why not for now. In any case don't hold it against him if that's what he wants to do.

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  • If you feel this way and feel comfortable talking to him about it (you know your relationship has matured in that manner), then talk to him about it. Saying what your thinking of saying is a little to confrontational and if you say that, how you say it matters. Becareful, you do not want to come off as too controlling or demanding, and although what your saying and asking for is not, how you say it matters most. Like I said though, talk it through with him and watch his reaction/s, that will tell you a lot. More specially whether you two have a future together or not. Good luck :) I wish you all the best

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  • yes keep your options open and dont submit easy play a little hard to get.. and important is to see other people as well so u dont get disappointed but if you do see other people there is a chance that he will stop seeing others.. its confusing but make sure that you do not get disappointed and dont get attached to it..

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  • Date and keep your options open!

    Never presume monogamous commitment without having "the talk"

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  • Yeah, you too keep dating, let's see if anything else develops with this guy down the road. Meanwhile don't get stuck while he is still going.

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  • Dint kiss him or have any sort of sexual contact and just take ut slow.

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  • Yea, along the line of what you said sounds right, sit down, talk to him, ask him what he wants out of this relationship,

    Ask him "where are we?' And "where do you want to be eventually"

    U need to be on the same page, if he says "ur rushing him" it's probably an excuse, I'm like u, if i saw myself possibly in a relationship with a girl, i wouldn't waste time on any other girls

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  • On dirait qu'il veut rester un voisin et pas venir vivre avec toi, ma chère voisine :(

    Il ne sera pas ton Martin Voisin.

    S'il était vraiment intéresser en toi, il arretrait de voir d'autres filles. Il est entrée de garder ces options ouvert et n'est pas encore décidé sur toi.

    Je m'excuse en avance pour les erreurs, ça fait un peux de temps que je n'ai pas pratiquer le français et c'est ma langue natale aussi lol.

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  • Find another guy or you'll get hurt, that's the best thing you can do!!!

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  • Be honest! Tell him clearly how you feel about him, and ask him clearly, without judgment, how he feels about you. Tell him what you would like the relationship to become, but also listen to him - he'll most likely be relieved at having a chance to be understood. Ask questions about everything that comes up, and let him ask about yourself too, especially what you want the relationship to be.

    Of course, this isn't a guarantee; he may well break things off, and you may well experience heartbreak. But no matter how it ends, you will know for certain what each of you wants, and clear things up in general. And you might be pleasantly surprised... ;)

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  • You two have only been on two dates so clearly it's not exclusive. Sorry to say, but he is free to date other girls if he wants and it doesn't make him a player or anything like what other comments are saying. If you don't like it then you can either chose to deal with it or leave.

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  • Contain your jealousy. Wait and see if he turns out to be the guy you hope he is, it's often a ruse when they seem perfect :/ If he is just tell him that you're not saying he has to as well, but you are going to be exclusive to him. If he complies, BAM. If he doesn't, he may be scared or he may be leading you on. Don't be there for forever if this is the case. He'll take advantage of you. Just be careful k? XD

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  • I can knock him out for you if you like.

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  • Date other guys! You're not involved in an exclusive relationship and you dating other guys will do several things- Get you out and having fun, possibly meeting someone even better, keeping your options open, give you a boost of self confidence and it will probably even make him jealous! We don't like sharing our "territory"(no offense). It comes down to nature and instinct for us in that it's all fun and games until some other male is coming around.

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  • Maybe you should lighten up and try to get a threesum together lol xP

    But it's best to be honest about how you feel. I personally don't want to feel too attached in my first relationship since I never had a girlfriend yet..

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  • You two are not exclusive so asking may be a bit dangerous depending in the way you do it. sometimes it kinda scares guys off. but then again you never know if he might be dating because he may be thinking like you as well. maybe he keeps his options open because he thinks you may mot be interested. you never know. if you ask me it sound s like you have things already figured out. talking to him about it and basically saying it just like you wrote it seems like it would work. :D Best of luck.

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  • There's no right or wrong here. It's what you think you should do. You basically answered your own question.

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  • Yes definitely would be the right thing to do that will tell you how serious he I about you but i think the answer is already here to the question and I dont see him really stopping because any man that likes a woman is going stop dating other girls unless he has trust issues which will get him in never finding someone real because he is out there cheating or he's just a player bottom line

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What Girls Said 53

  • As a dating site guru I have insight on this.

    At only two dates, you are aware (and admitted) that he will continue to date. TWO dates; no way enough to have a conversation. At all. Of any kind. Unless you want to come off needy, insecure and desperate (I know you're not, but confronting this so soon will give the wrong appearance). If it is down between you and one other girl, most likely the one who doesn't make a big deal will win out eventually.

    Date yourself, don't wait on this guy. When he sees you aren't waiting for him, it will give him pause to think.

    Guys look at these sites like an all you can eat buffet. They are approached by dozens of girls daily. Sometimes they really do want to settle down, but a lot of times they keep looking for the next girl even when they have a good one already. It is a pitfall of this method.

    Yes, you can have an "exclusive" chat but no WAY after two dates in. If/ when you make it to 4 or 5, yeah. Meanwhile try not to get physical. If he asks why, you can honestly tell him you only feel comfortable sleeping with a guy in the confines of a committed relationship.

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    • Wish I could frame your response on my wall as a daily reminder

    • Perfect! Thank you so much! ans we haven't gotten physical yet, don't worry :P I'm still a virgin (only 18 years old) et he knows that I won't have sex with someone I'm not in a relationship with. I slept over at this house once, and we only cuddled. He said that he likes that I have a lot of respect for myself and that he prefers to take things slow. :)

  • That is what dating is all about.
    It's about exploring your options until you become official with the person of your choice.
    It's not uncommon for people to date more than one person at the same time.

    He has more than one option and he is trying to figure out who he is most
    compatible with.
    Right now he has no obligation to you unless he decides he likes
    you the most, and together you two make the choice to become a couple.

    Dating is supposed to be fun.
    If you wanted to weed out all of your choices to be with him.
    That is your decision.
    Right now he is just playing the field.

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  • Keep your options open. Until you have that talk both of you are single so you don't have to be exclusive. Just don't have sex with him because you'll only end up getting really attached to a guy who may not feel the same or be ready to commit. But I would keep dating him he hasn't lied or done anything wrong

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  • you need to see other people and make sure he knows that.. if he really likes you and whats something serious he'll step up his game and make your relationship official. never stop talking to other guys if your not the official girlfriend it'll just hurt you cause you might fall for him and he might fall for someone else.

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  • Homestly I was in this situation recently too. He told me he doesn't know what his priorities are in life right now which made things even more confusing.. dont sell yourself short to a guy that isn't willing to love you back as much as you love him. I mean its alright to be patient with him, but if he's acting different and doesn't show that he is going to commit, becareful of how much time you are giving him. If he thinks he can get kisses and your attention 24/7 while he still gets to be with other women, he more than likely will not commit to a steady relationship.

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  • I think you answered your own question and did so very well-ask them you are looking for a long term serious relationship and if he cannot answer you in the way you want him to i. e. the affirmative. Then consider it a learning experience and move on. It's hard to do so I know-but you know what of course you're going to be jealous and of course you're going to be frustrated but you want to live a life where your prints can you to be frustrated and jealous or do you want to grieve and move on and find someone who truly deserves you and can give you what you want?

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  • OMG story of my life i swear
    he is so right and i got so attached to him even know we only went on two dates too

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  • WANTED TO ASK THE SAME QUESTION.. Lol let me read the answers

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  • Don't message him that, just keep seeing him and continue seeing other people. He might never commit to you but if it's fun at the moment and you aren't too emotionally involved you can keep seeing him. Don't put all your eggs in 1 basket until it's official. It keeps you sane, there's my advice.

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  • Dating is simply that. Dating. If you were expecting for both of you to see each other exclusively then that would be more traditionally referred to as going steady or being in a relationship. Dating isn't , however it has been popularly confused, a symbol of being in a relationship

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  • I'm probably so behind with my reply, but I've just seen this. I was in a similar predicament except we'd been on 5/6 dates. I was literally overthinking everything. I wondered why he still has his profile active and so on. I'm not one to date more than one person so I questioned why he wasn't the same. I decided to test the waters and log back into my account and talk to other guys. I realised dating is fun, its a way to get to know different kinds of people and discover who I am compatiable with. Although I am yet to come across a man I like as much as this guy, I'm still enjoying talking to other people. If we end up in a relationship then that's cool. If we don't then more fish in the sea. Don't keep all your eggs in one basket! Like other people have said just put across what you want out of this and see what he says. Ignore the people that have said he's not after a relationship cos he's on a dating site, plenty of men and women seek long term relationships and find them.

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  • Why don't you talk to him about how you feel about him.. about the two of you.

    Express wanting to take it exclusive.

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  • I think its ridiculous to expect exclusivity after 2 dates. Dating is to meet people and find out who you're compatible with. You sound desperate, clingy and a little controlling to me.

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  • Guys who use dating sites have several women on the go at all times. If you push for exclusivity you will be ditched, for one of the other several. Plus all guys I know that use conventional dating sites also use fuck buddy sites too. You have no chance with this guy. Give it up as a bad job

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  • I would just talk to him and see what his intentions are with you and see if they are compatible with your intentions with him. You want a serious relationship, then it's best to tell him. If he doesn't want to stop seeing other girls, then you need to invest your time into someone else, that's how you get hurt is by giving all of your efforts to someone who isn't doing the same for you. Been there, doing that. You have it figured out, that's exactly what you should do, talk to him. Hope I helped! I've got plenty of advice :)

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  • Tell him you want to be exclusive, and if he's not ready for it, then break it off. Don't worry about all this "he has a right to see other women" stuff. If he's not serious about you, and you want a serious relationship, then you should move on and find what you're looking for.

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  • He seems not ready for committal yet.
    That's all I read.
    Love is a growth experience and it does not happen overnight in spite all of the girlie books, stories, articles, and Hallmark movies.

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  • Sounds like a player. Have a chat about it and let him know how you feel. If after that he isn't considerable towards your feelings then just leave him alone.

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  • If he is talking to you and seeing another woman, I dont think it is a good idea to keep communication with him. It just seems that he isn't taking you seriously. You have had two dates with him so far.. If he isn't interested he shouldn't be leading you on. By two dates, he should know if he wants to be with you or not. :/ I can't really say for sure but it isn't fair. You should talk to him about taking it to the next level, by that I mean ask him if he wants to be with you...

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  • well I have a few question...
    did he ask you out? because I read that you been 2 dates and now you are thinking of breaking up with him
    also what did you guys talk about in those date? ... that you feel you should tell me you want a long term relationship
    it sounds like you need to learn to communicate more..

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  • Y'all aren't exclusive and keep your options open. The worst thing you can do if you really dig him is move faster than the pace he's comfortable at. Plus if he does choose to stop seeing other people then you know it's legit and if not no biggie, there's a better guy for you and on to the next one

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  • Your number one mistake was assuming.
    If he's still a very active member on the dating site, then chances are you are not the only two women in his life.

    For a 3rd date, that's coming off a bit too strong, rather say "I'm always honest with the man I'm dating. If I want to see other people besides him, I'll let him know up front so that he can decide whether he wants to continue this relationship as is, or ask me to date him exclusively. " that should work.

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  • If you don't want him dating other women you have to tell him that. He doesn't know and so he probably doesn't realize he is doing anything wrong. Tell him you want to take it to the next step or something.

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  • Tell him how you feel and you guys might want to have a serious talk about wither or not you are suppose to/ want to be exclusive, or not. And the way you said it sounded PERFECT! Good Luck, Hope it works out for you!

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  • I would say drop him. aon't put yourself through that. You deserve better and you're setting yourself up for failure. If he sees that you are ok with it now, what is ever going to stop him from keeping it that way?

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  • i'll tell you in shorter terms, dont waste your time, on to the next one. dont even get caught up with a dude that is willing to disrespect you like that. if he really wants you he will drop all of those other girls and stop talking to them.

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  • Yea thats what u should do. he's acting like a player and still keeps choosing thinking in his mind. He may still want to see other girls if he can. The best advice I can give u is Dont rush up with this guy. Dont get over seriously with him. He has options.

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  • please answer my question everyone thx!!!

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  • Dump him. He clearly doesn't care about you that much if he is seeing other people. You could explain yourself, but I suggest you end things.

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    • Lol they've been on two dates, they aren't in a relationship he can see who he wants

  • Tell all the other girls and let them kick his ass.

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