How and why do I still have feelings for him and what do they mean?

We were never officially in a relationship. He wanted to be in a relationship with me about 4 years ago but I rejected him, because I wasn't ready/ had family stuff going on. he was really hurt by it and even told me he was depressed. He doesn't know he full extent as to why I rejected him. We managed to get back to being friends and would see each other once in a while. A year and a half go he reached out to me and we started hanging out and hooking up randomly. I think I started to get feelings again, especially after we had slept together. He then moved away for work after that summer but told me he liked me and always has and sees a future with me. I saw him a few times since, he would try to kiss me especially when he's drunk, but would turn him down. but i did give in the last time which was 4 months ago. i tried to avoid it because I do still have feelings but its hard because he leaves and i don't know how he feels or where we stand. How can I still have feelings for him for this long.. can I really be in love with him even though we were never really real bf and gf. I'm trying to get over it


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You don't know how he feels?

    he asked you out 4 years ago. he's made a habit of trying to hook up with you regularly and more recently told you that he likes you and always sees a future with you.

    my question is if you like him and he likes you why do you keep rejecting him? there's got to be more to why you don't date him because your reasons don't seem to add up... not trying to shoot you down but reflect on all these events. you want to get over a guy who likes you and has asked you out and, at least from what you say here, you like him... so why the constant back and forth with him?

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    • I don't know how he feels about me now, whether he's being genuine. I feel like now he just wants to hook up with me period, but I know it because how I have treated him. he's different towards me now, not like how he used to be. and we dont really talk. I think he's just done trying because I always turn him down, but I have been turning him down this time becasue it hurts too much to hookup then him leave and do it again. I do have feels but I'm turned off by how he treats me now and I guess Im just hoping deep down he could treat me like he always did ( when i rejected him). I think im scared to be something now because he's doing this to get back at me. and now him knowing i still have feels he can take adavntage and continue to string me along

    • so maybe you need to tell him all of those things. you like him but you have kept him at arms length because you were worried all he wanted was a hookup and you want more out of a relationship than that

    • I think you nailed that one.

What Guys Said 1

  • If you really care about him in this way, then you may indeed have feelings for him. How to explain the human heart? This has been looked at for centuries. We're all still wondering.

    I think if you want him, then you will still like him. If you don't want him, then you don't want him and feelings will go away when you meet someone else or are busy.

    If you really like him, then go for it when you're both together. Nothing to lose!!

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    • I have tried to move on, I had many opportunities, I even had a boyfriend last year but I couldnt quite commit to him and he saw that. in the back of my mind this guy will always be there. and I think its related to be regretting rejecting him the begining and not being able to move on because i keep wondering what if.

    • I have similar thoughts about someone. Thing is I guess if you meet him and he is single, ask him out. You never know!

      Otherwise, try your best to keep in touch. Better to be part of their life and they part of yours.

What Girls Said 1

  • Just because you never dated the guy, doesn't mean you can't be in love with him, especially since you guys are friends and have hung out. In order to get over him though, you first have to accept that the relationship won't work out and it isn't right for you. After you do this, you are half way over him. Next, you need to stop hooking up with him and stop kissing him. This will only make it worse as you know. Getting over somone really isn't that complicated, people just make it difficult for themselves. Good luck

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