Do you think I'm shallow?

I recently told one of my female friends that I would never date a girl that drank alcohol smoked or did any form of drugs. She said that was shallow of me. Is it true? I mean I wouldn't be offended if a girl dissed me for doing any of that. And I mean I dont drink smoke or do drugs either so I dont see how its weird to expect that back.

Updates:
She also said it was sexist of me to not want a girl like that? O. o

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Nope not shallow. 1: sexism is saying "I dont drink, smoke, do drugs and id like a girlfriend who's the same way". SEXISM is " I drink, smoke, and do drugs but want a girlfriend who doesn't because girls shouldn't." so thats out the door.

    Every one has preferences it doesn't matter what anyone says. the only thing that should matter to you is finding someone who suits you. Now if you found a girl who's ideal in every single way and you began dating and found out that even though she doesn't drink/smke/drugs now, she drank once and you refuse to love her... thats a little shallow

    but preferences are not. if that same friend gives you flak again, ask her if she would date a 500lb guy who sits at home all day and wants her to take care of him. if she says yes, she's lying, and if she says no, tell her she's being shallow. because by her standards, whether refusing to date a lifestyle of drugs/alcohol or a lifestyle of fatness and laziness, its shallow to do so.

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    • in that first line i meant sexism IS'NT saying "I dont drink, smoke, do drugs and id like a girlfriend who's the same way" lol, need to proofread a bit more

What Girls Said 7

  • lol since when did having standards mean being shallow? stuff her, u have every right to accept or disapprove of certain things when choosing a woman.
    it narrows down ur choices, but if it's something u believe strongly enough about then stick by it. i hate that people feel the need to change their values based on 'the norm'. fcxk the norm.

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  • Not shallow- just narrow minded. Most people have at the very least experimented. Not saying you're obligated to date a girl who drinks or smokes or does drugs regularly. Just note that most people have at least tried one of those three things once so you're removing a lot of people from your dating pool.

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    • And who's problem is that besides my own exactly? I mean I doubt a girl that smokes and does drugs would wanna date a guy that doesn't either so it's not a problem for anyone.

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    • yeah especially considering if a girl that said she wouldn't date a guy that drank smoked or did drugs then she would most likely be praised for it

    • maybe. i would think that she was being kind of narrow-minded too. but i think of people who rarely drink or do drugs differently than those who are chronic drinkers or drug users.

  • It's not shallow. I'm the same way, except not so much with alcohol. I don't want a guy who smokes or does any drugs, but with alcohol, as long as he doesn't drink to get drunk, then I'm fine. If it's just one drink every once in awhile, there's no harm in that. I just don't want an alcoholic. I don't mind if someone has in the past though. I mean.. if they were previously addicted, I would be very cautious, but wouldn't necessarily knock them down if they were clean now.

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    • Yeah Id be fine with a girl that has been drinking before but never again. But smoking and drugs even if she stopped is a huge nono.

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    • Yeah my grandpa was an alcoholic (but he doesn't drink anymore) so both he and my mom has been pretty on about me not doing it xD.

    • I think alcohol isn't too bad as long as you don't have an addictive personality. Unfortunately, my dad has the most addictive personality ever. He even got addicted to altoids once. Used to be addicted to cigarettes, not he's addicted to Nicotine Gum. He'll say he'll have 1 beer and he'll go through 12, and still be wanting more. Whereas my mom drinks occasionally, but she can easily control herself. Alcohol can actually be good for your health, but in moderation. I think certain types of wine are good because it cleans out your liver or something like that? I don't remember exactly. But yeah, the key is moderation.

  • It's not shallow, it's called having high standards, which is a good thing. Too many people have low standards these days.
    On the other hand, I think a little drinking and smoking is OK, as long as it's not done excessively. That's unhealthy.

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  • Not really. And it's not sexist (unless you think that it's ok for guys to drink/smoke/do drugs but not for girls).

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  • No you're not shallow. You have standards, not shallow.

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    • Yeah I mean its fine to have standards as long as you expect yourself to keep up with them too.

  • It's not shallow
    She's probably offended cause Maybe she does it

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What Guys Said 9

  • This is exactly what I hate a girl said that then she just knows what she wants and has preferences
    But a guy says it then it's sexist, shallow and he's a jerk...
    But no not shallow at all

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  • It's not shallow. Those are legitimate reasons. I would date someone who did those things, but only if it was very casual. I had an alcoholic girlfriend for many years. Never again. Anything more than casual is an instant deal breaker. Your friend has a twisted way of seeing things in my opinion.

    Bottom line is that you're right and she's wrong.

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  • It's not shallow, or sexist. I agree with you. I would never date anybody who did that kind of stuff. I don't wan to be around that kind of lifestyle. For me it feels dangerous and I would fell unsafe around people who that kind of stuff. That's me just setting my standards and keeping myself safe. Don't worry your not doing anything wrong.

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  • Nope. Your friend is foolish. Some people like to do those things, more power to them. Some people do not like to do those things, more power to them too. You don't and you want someone else that doesn't either.

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  • Of course, it's not shallow or sexist.

    Sexism is irrational sexual discrimination.

    And there's nothing less shallow than rejecting someone for that person's behaviour.

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  • The question is: why do you have these requirements? If it's solely because you don't drink or smoke either, than yes, you're shallow. Occational drinking does not equal being an alcoholic, the same goes for smoking and recreational drugs. I cannot see why this could be a reason to reject anybody.

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    • Anyway, whatever your motives are, it's definitely not sexist.

    • If they aren't willing to stop doing it then they can't expect me to do the same but the other way around.

  • no its not shallow. Girls have way stricter lists than that. I think its more shallow to say you won't date a guy below a certain height than it is to say you won't date a smoker. Either way though, its a persons choice so they just have to live with it.

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  • That isn't shallow.

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  • Nah you're deep

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