Is it wrong to want to reject someone that asks you out just so you can feel a bit of empowerment?

I've been burned in the dating game a few times, is it wrong that I want to reject someone just to get a feeling of power?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Think of how you felt when you were on the receiving end of the rejection. Do you really wanna make someone else feel like that just to feel empowered for a second?

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    • Both yes and no, part of me wants to be lucky enough to be in the position to reject someone who previously rejected me.

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    • Like I said, I get it. You just have to be guarded. And a little coldhearted in order to survive. Rejection hurts. But don't let it change you. It won't always be this way. Eventually everything will be better. I hope everything works out for you!

    • Thanks for MHO!

What Girls Said 7

  • I actually did this but it wasn't to a guy who didn't deserve it. It was to a guy who was interested in me after I lost some weight after I had surgery. I had to have a giant cyst removed and I lost a lot of weight with it. I really liked this guy before that though and he wanted nothing to do with me. After the surgery he was suddenly interested but I made sure he knew he didn't have a chance with me. I felt good doing it. Although I do have to admit that it felt good after years of rejection. I've never really had a guy interested in me before. He's the first I believe. It was the first time in my life I rejected a guy and I did have that sense of empowerment that came with it. The funny thing is he absolutely hates me now. He acts like I did this awful thing.

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    • That's too funny! I'm sure he deserved it, guy sounds like a huge doucheprick.

  • That's rather cruel.
    Do you have even a ghost of a notion how much courage it takes to ask someone out? I've asked out two men (not simultaneously, of course), and both times I was terrified of being humiliated and of being rejected. Fortunately for me, though, both of them were very kind and tried to let me down as tactfully and gently as possible, which I am grateful for. I still see them around and they always smile and greet me without any awkwardness.
    My point is, they are sincere, and they only said no because they both had girlfriends. Rejecting someone simple to "feel a bit of empowerment" is cruel and selfish. How would you feel is someone did that to you?

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    • Yes, I do know how much courage it takes and I've been shot down time and again as well as led along by women who think it's a game to play with someone's heart.

    • I agree that it's cruel to lead people on, and I'm sorry that those women did that to you. No one has the right to play with someone else's mind or emotions.

  • You know what's the ultimate form of empowerment? Not giving your power away to other people.

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  • It kinda makes you a sociopath in my opinion. I don't know. I feel really bad when I have to reject someone. I don't like hurting others, but I don't wanna date out of pity or something. To be "empowered"? You sound like a sociopath.

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    • Have you ever been rejected or do you do the rejecting, do you play games with guys and lead them along, do you know how it feels to be on the recieving end of something like that?

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    • You're the cliche "nice guy". Women don't like these types. Why? You stereotype and generalize the hell out of us.
      "Not enough money, job not high profile enough, car not nice enough. . "
      Ugh. seriously?
      I'm dirt poor, I am from an area where everyone is fucking poor. I have never heard a single woman say "gee, he's works at McDs? I'm not gonna date him unless he's a CEO".
      You think poorly of women, it's no wonder they don't wanna date you. That'd be like you thinking poorly of Latinas and wondering why none wanna date you, we don't like being looked down upon. Don't put us on a pedestal either though. We're equals.

    • And when I say cliche "nice guy", I don't mean the guys who are genuine and kind. You don't seem like that based on your question, nor the details you gave me. Generalizing people isn't something done by genuinely kind people. I don't know. I may be wrong, but you give off that "Elliot Rodgers" sort of vibe. Not a genuinely kind or good guy to me.

  • Only if they are a douche.

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  • not at all, i do that all the time. feels great.

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  • Yes, that's just mean. Think about how you felt.

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What Guys Said 14

  • I think it's rather petty and an indication of low self-esteem. In the past I have imagined doing it to girls who were cruel to me in their rejection or cold to me for no reason, but my real intention in doing that would be to feel a temporary ego boost. It's my own lack of self-esteem that makes me want to do that.

    The best thing to do when someone has hurt you is to state the problem frankly. "I didn't care for the way you treated me. I think what you did was hurtful and mean-spirited." If someone does something spiteful, handling the problem honestly and straight-forwardly is the way to get over them without holding a grudge.

    If you can't talk to a person who has hurt you, the best thing to do is to examine the problem directly and be realistic. You got rejected, so what? Does that mean the girl who rejected you hates you or wishes you harm? Probably not. Are you going to be alone forever? Probably not. The people out in the dating world have problems too. Everybody has problems.

    Abusing someone by rejecting them purposelessly is a way of trying to mask the real issue, that some other person has hurt you and you haven't been able to get over it.

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  • Yes, it's wrong. You don't get empowerment from being liked by people or by having power over people. You get empowerment from leading a productive, flourishing life. You damage yourself if you reject someone simply to get a false sense of empowerment.

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  • Yes. It falls under "Cruelty without Reason".

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  • Only immature people do that. Situations where someone likes you but you don't feel the same can be awkward and sometimes difficult to handle without hurting the other person's feelings, but don't be a jackass and hurt them on purpose.

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  • Yes. That's messed up. It's a control game that isn't mentally healthy.

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  • Yes I think it's wrong. It's fucked up to treat other people in a way that you don't like being treated yourself. I think it would make you kind of a shit human being to do that to be honest.

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  • no!!

    but what if you don't like her?

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  • Sounds a bit stupid to turn down potential poom poom but do whatever you wanna do! lol

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  • Why the hell would you wanna do that when you have an opportunity for a girlfriend and sex? Don't act like those high schoolers bro, everybodys been rejected dude

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    • You sacrifice way too much for all that shit, you get a girlfriend, you might as well hold a mock funeral for your free time.

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    • I think that's awesome that you found someone that just likes you for who you are, I've Never been that lucky, my ex was obsessed with me taking her out to eat fancy expensive dinners and all this other bullshit and had a jealous streak a mile wide.

    • Sorry for this being a two part answer, I accidently hit post, I wanted to say thank you for your positive answers and encouragement, I think I just need to keep uplifted and stay positive.

  • no, i don't think it is...

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  • Only reject people you don't have interest in to begin with. But always do it with kindness.

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  • It's probably not very healthy to think like that, but you don't owe anyone anything.

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  • you can reject people for any reason

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  • No if you just plain out reject her but Yes if you deliberately rubbed salt in that wound.

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